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There's no denying it -- we struck a nerve with last week's fake band name FFF.
So this week, I'm going to stick with a musical theme and ask you:
What's the best last call song?
If you're a bar owner, what do you play?
If you're a bar-goer, what would you like to hear at the end of the night?
(AP file photo of a London pub taken close to closing time)
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "simulated sex with a potted palm tree." Before The Sun, he was a reporter at the Miami New Times. He's also written for Miami magazine, the Orlando Sentinel, the Sarasota Herald Tribune and the Gainesville Sun. Got tips? Gripes? Pitches? He's reachable at erik.maza@baltsun.com. Click here to keep up with the dumb music he's listening to.
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Comments
If I really wanna get people out I like to put on Africa by Toto.
Otherwise, anything by Marvin Gaye.
Posted by: Mark Twain | May 15, 2008 12:01 PM
F#@*in' in the Butt (a.k.a. I'd Like To F#@* the S#@* Outta You)--David Allen Coe
If you haven't heard it yet, you must. It's an easy Limewire download.
Posted by: Trouble | May 15, 2008 12:14 PM
"Never Gonna Give You Up" - Rick Astley
Posted by: Bryan | May 15, 2008 12:22 PM
If you're trying to get them out, try the Blues Brothers version of "Rawhide". Works every time and puts a smile on the doormen and the patrons' faces.
Posted by: Trouble | May 15, 2008 12:22 PM
Mack the Knife by Bobby Darin - reminds of my favorite place in college, that played it every night at 2am
P.S. Africa by Toto is a great song, why would it drive people out?
Posted by: dave | May 15, 2008 12:40 PM
Journey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously, I like the Doors "The End".
Posted by: Drew from Greektown | May 15, 2008 12:50 PM
God, there are so many great "bad" songs that could be thrown about. I remember at Schaeffers on Calvert St in the late 80's would end every 50 cent Thursday night w/ "Paradise by the Dashboard Light".
Posted by: Jeff | May 15, 2008 12:51 PM
If I owned a bar I think I would play, "Dream Police" by Cheap Trick
Posted by: Jeff | May 15, 2008 12:52 PM
How about “Closing Time” by Semisonic?
Posted by: MB | May 15, 2008 1:36 PM
I really like Yo La Tengo, an opinion shared by no one in any bar I've ever been in. I recommend Cherry Chapstick by YLT, it's long, drony, and full of feedback. Delicious to me, mood killer for everyone else. My Bloody Valentine works tool.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 15, 2008 1:44 PM
Happy Trails by Tom Nevin
Posted by: Evan | May 15, 2008 1:54 PM
"Buona Sera" by Louis Prima
Posted by: Mike | May 15, 2008 1:57 PM
Closing Time? ... slap yourself in the face.
Anything by The Shaggs!
This is so bad that it is mesmerizing, like looking into a laser beam:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tscjQboAITs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATM12Cogw24
Or Einstürzende Neubauten.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2G3KfKbJwE&feature=related
Nothing better than angry Germans screaming while playing actual industrial tools and rusty girders.
Posted by: Rock Chiclet | May 15, 2008 2:04 PM
MB...I say this with love: Stop that.
Posted by: Trouble | May 15, 2008 2:10 PM
Forgive me for invoking Jimmy Buffet, but when I lived in Ocean City a few bars were known for ending the night with his version of "Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw"...pretty classy!
Posted by: Greg S | May 15, 2008 2:17 PM
My least favorite is what they do at Ropewalk: At 1AM All lights go on and music is off. At 1:02 you get forced towards the front of the bar. At 1:03 you are on the sidewalk.
At least you get the opportunity to beat everyone to Bolis (sounds awful when you're sober, but delicious when you're not).
Posted by: TS | May 15, 2008 2:40 PM
Pizza Bolis... ouch. I'll never forget ordering a slice there and watching them microwave a pre-cooked, frozen slice.
They should serve their food with a roll of Charmin.
Posted by: Mark Twain | May 15, 2008 2:50 PM
I like Wagon Wheel by Old Crow Medicine Show.
I think the last song should be something that you can sing along to as you leave and sticks in your head for the rest of the night.
Posted by: Ero | May 15, 2008 2:53 PM
"See You Later [expletive]face" by The Queers
OR.....
"Love & Affection" by Nelson
Posted by: Cardwell | May 15, 2008 2:54 PM
Sorry, I got stuck in a time warp from my college days on york road. While I was there I also remembered a great song "Detachable Penis" by King Missile.
Posted by: MB | May 15, 2008 3:42 PM
The song they play when people get voted off American Idol. This year they threw Ruben Studdard a bone, "Celebrate Me Home."
Posted by: AC | May 15, 2008 3:43 PM
The Queers, would be an AWESOME closing song, but my vote goes to "Pints of Guiness Make You Strong" by Against Me!
Posted by: Allan | May 15, 2008 3:50 PM
"[expletive] Her Gently", by Tenacious D
Posted by: 21224 | May 15, 2008 3:52 PM
From the bar owner's perspective you don't want a song that people like and can sing along to, you want their asses out of there. So I nominate the song that is currently giving me brain cancer, the Free Credit Report dot Com song endlessly on a loop.
Posted by: OMG | May 15, 2008 4:25 PM
Stuck in the MIddle with You by Lucky Pierrre. Whooosh...........!
Posted by: anonymos | May 15, 2008 4:34 PM
The Gambler....Kenny Rogers.
Posted by: F. Pants McFadden | May 15, 2008 4:53 PM
I play Leonard Cohen's Closing Time
Posted by: Sarah | May 15, 2008 5:15 PM
A oneman's poison sort of question.
Remember "New York, New York" by Frank Sinatra being used.
I did it once with "Here Come The Weekend" by Dave Edmunds (Rockabilly), with a dance music crowd.
I think "Here Come The Fleas" by White Noise would clear about 97% of places. Rather like Spike Jones on
acid.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFRacpYt5F0
Posted by: Anonymous | May 15, 2008 7:30 PM
Purple Rain by Prince!!!
It's a great song and the way it winds down gives the whole "ending" feeling.
After it goes off most people are satisfied and it's like, "C'mon do your really want to hear something else you know won't be as good?"
Posted by: Jade Fox | May 16, 2008 3:16 AM
Anon: If you're not playing the original Steelers Wheels version of "Stuck in the Middle", you'd better be playing the Eagles of Death Metal's cover.
Frank's NY NY isn't a bad call, just don't do it during a Yankees weekend anywhere in Maryland.
Posted by: Trouble | May 16, 2008 7:03 AM
The Closing Song by Red Peters.
I've heard it used at quite a few bars. It's hilarious and tells people to "Get the @#$% out!"
Posted by: The Brad | May 16, 2008 10:08 AM