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May 15, 2008

The next Fab Five Friday

There's no denying it -- we struck a nerve with last week's fake band name FFF.

So this week, I'm going to stick with a musical theme and ask you:

What's the best last call song?

If you're a bar owner, what do you play?

If you're a bar-goer, what would you like to hear at the end of the night? 

(AP file photo of a London pub taken close to closing time)

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Posted by Sam Sessa at 11:52 AM | | Comments (31)
Categories: Fab Five Fridays


If I really wanna get people out I like to put on Africa by Toto.

Otherwise, anything by Marvin Gaye.

F#@*in' in the Butt (a.k.a. I'd Like To F#@* the S#@* Outta You)--David Allen Coe

If you haven't heard it yet, you must. It's an easy Limewire download.

"Never Gonna Give You Up" - Rick Astley

If you're trying to get them out, try the Blues Brothers version of "Rawhide". Works every time and puts a smile on the doormen and the patrons' faces.

Mack the Knife by Bobby Darin - reminds of my favorite place in college, that played it every night at 2am

P.S. Africa by Toto is a great song, why would it drive people out?


Seriously, I like the Doors "The End".

God, there are so many great "bad" songs that could be thrown about. I remember at Schaeffers on Calvert St in the late 80's would end every 50 cent Thursday night w/ "Paradise by the Dashboard Light".

If I owned a bar I think I would play, "Dream Police" by Cheap Trick

How about “Closing Time” by Semisonic?

I really like Yo La Tengo, an opinion shared by no one in any bar I've ever been in. I recommend Cherry Chapstick by YLT, it's long, drony, and full of feedback. Delicious to me, mood killer for everyone else. My Bloody Valentine works tool.

Happy Trails by Tom Nevin

"Buona Sera" by Louis Prima

Closing Time? ... slap yourself in the face.

Anything by The Shaggs!

This is so bad that it is mesmerizing, like looking into a laser beam:

Or Einstürzende Neubauten.
Nothing better than angry Germans screaming while playing actual industrial tools and rusty girders.

MB...I say this with love: Stop that.

Forgive me for invoking Jimmy Buffet, but when I lived in Ocean City a few bars were known for ending the night with his version of "Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw"...pretty classy!

My least favorite is what they do at Ropewalk: At 1AM All lights go on and music is off. At 1:02 you get forced towards the front of the bar. At 1:03 you are on the sidewalk.

At least you get the opportunity to beat everyone to Bolis (sounds awful when you're sober, but delicious when you're not).

Pizza Bolis... ouch. I'll never forget ordering a slice there and watching them microwave a pre-cooked, frozen slice.

They should serve their food with a roll of Charmin.

I like Wagon Wheel by Old Crow Medicine Show.

I think the last song should be something that you can sing along to as you leave and sticks in your head for the rest of the night.

"See You Later [expletive]face" by The Queers


"Love & Affection" by Nelson

Sorry, I got stuck in a time warp from my college days on york road. While I was there I also remembered a great song "Detachable Penis" by King Missile.

The song they play when people get voted off American Idol. This year they threw Ruben Studdard a bone, "Celebrate Me Home."

The Queers, would be an AWESOME closing song, but my vote goes to "Pints of Guiness Make You Strong" by Against Me!

"[expletive] Her Gently", by Tenacious D

From the bar owner's perspective you don't want a song that people like and can sing along to, you want their asses out of there. So I nominate the song that is currently giving me brain cancer, the Free Credit Report dot Com song endlessly on a loop.

Stuck in the MIddle with You by Lucky Pierrre. Whooosh...........!

The Gambler....Kenny Rogers.

I play Leonard Cohen's Closing Time

A oneman's poison sort of question.

Remember "New York, New York" by Frank Sinatra being used.

I did it once with "Here Come The Weekend" by Dave Edmunds (Rockabilly), with a dance music crowd.

I think "Here Come The Fleas" by White Noise would clear about 97% of places. Rather like Spike Jones on

Purple Rain by Prince!!!

It's a great song and the way it winds down gives the whole "ending" feeling.

After it goes off most people are satisfied and it's like, "C'mon do your really want to hear something else you know won't be as good?"

Anon: If you're not playing the original Steelers Wheels version of "Stuck in the Middle", you'd better be playing the Eagles of Death Metal's cover.

Frank's NY NY isn't a bad call, just don't do it during a Yankees weekend anywhere in Maryland.

The Closing Song by Red Peters.

I've heard it used at quite a few bars. It's hilarious and tells people to "Get the @#$% out!"

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About Erik Maza
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "simulated sex with a potted palm tree." Before The Sun, he was a reporter at the Miami New Times. He's also written for Miami magazine, the Orlando Sentinel, the Sarasota Herald Tribune and the Gainesville Sun. Got tips? Gripes? Pitches? He's reachable at Click here to keep up with the dumb music he's listening to.

Midnight Sun covers Baltimore music, live entertainment, and nightlife news. On the blog, you'll find, among other things, concert announcements, breaking news, bars closings and openings, up-to-date coverage of crime in nightlife, new music, round-the-clock coverage of Virgin Mobile FreeFest, handy guides on bars staying open past 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve and those that carry Natty Boh on draft. Recurring features include seven-day nightlife guides, Concert News, guest reviews of bars and concerts, Wednesday Corkboard, and photo galleries, as well as reader-submitted photos. Thanks for reading.

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