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May 19, 2008

Meeting Kupkake

Last Tuesday night, my pal Crazy Joe and I set out for an adventure.

And when you set out for an adventure, this city almost never lets you down.

When my first idea for a nightlife column didn't pan out (I'll tell ya about it later), we decided to penetrate deep into the dive bars of Highlandtown and Canton.

That's where we found the Crossroads Bar and Restaurant.

And in it, a man called Kupkake ...

Crazy Joe and I grabbed two barstools with split cushions, sat down and ordered two Buds ($2.25 each).

We had only taken a sip or two when Kupkake sauntered over.

Kupkake was a short man. I'd put him at about 5'3". He was an older man, too -- probably in his late 50s or early 60s.

But he was a sweet man. No pun intended.

"I'm Sam," I said, and stuck out my hand. He shook it, and said,

"My name's Greg. But everybody calls me Kupcake. It's my screen name! Except, I spell it with three Ks. See?"

Then Kupkake took off his baseball hat and pointed to it. Sure enough, it had the word Kupkake written on it.

At this point, I'm thinking Kupkake might be some kind of white supremacist. After all, he did point out the three Ks in KupKaKe. 

But then, I felt his hand rest on my thigh, and I knew what kind of man Kupkake was.

Now that was a little awkward.

Then it got worse -- Kupkake liked to lean close and chat. And when he spoke, flecks of spittle flew from his lips and landed on my face.

So there I was, at the Crossroads, getting hit on by a tipsy gay senior citizen named Kupkake (it's his screen name) who kept spitting in my face.

Finally (!) he got the picture that I wasn't interested in him. Or maybe he thought I had some kind of nervous twitch because I had to keep wiping my face.

Either way, Kupkake took his short, sweet self back to his barstool for a little bit. But a few minutes later he was back on the prowl and accidentally knocked over a sign, which busted on the floor.

That was the cue for Crazy Joe and me to hit the road. 

(Photo by me.) 


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Posted by Sam Sessa at 7:03 AM | | Comments (8)
Categories: Bars & Clubs
        

Comments

Ah, Crossroads. What a lovely place. I used to live near there, and for a long time they served a 99-cent breakfast in a back dining room. It wasn't half bad, either.

Kupkake? Most scary!

I'm sure you were just tripping on one too many green peppercorn tripels from Annabel Lee to think that the purple bar around the corner looked like a good idea.

Call me!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

roflcopter

99 cent breakfast was also served with spork--which you could take home if you like.

Perhaps he was a learned, ex-scholar from nearby Canton Middle and not a supremist at all...

This place is gay? seriously? Cuz there are a few guys shooting pool in there on the weekend nighs I would really like to get to know better

=)

Honest..Im bi...I swear

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About Erik Maza
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "simulated sex with a potted palm tree." Before The Sun, he was a reporter at the Miami New Times. He's also written for Miami magazine, the Orlando Sentinel, the Sarasota Herald Tribune and the Gainesville Sun. Got tips? Gripes? Pitches? He's reachable at erik.maza@baltsun.com. Click here to keep up with the dumb music he's listening to.

Midnight Sun covers Baltimore music, live entertainment, and nightlife news. On the blog, you'll find, among other things, concert announcements, breaking news, bars closings and openings, up-to-date coverage of crime in nightlife, new music, round-the-clock coverage of Virgin Mobile FreeFest, handy guides on bars staying open past 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve and those that carry Natty Boh on draft. Recurring features include seven-day nightlife guides, Concert News, guest reviews of bars and concerts, Wednesday Corkboard, and photo galleries, as well as reader-submitted photos. Thanks for reading.
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