Curse you, Magic Hat
When I was a freshman in college, I drank a lot of Magic Hat #9.
Expensive tastes for a broke college kid, right?
Well, my buddy Scotty had money and he usually got good beer for all of us.
Last Saturday I went down to James Madison University to visit one of my little sisters.
For some reason, I thought it would be fun to get a six-pack of Magic Hat -- just like back in the day.
When I used to drink Magic Hat (back in the day), you needed a bottle opener to pop the top.
But when I started drinking this six-pack, I realized the beers were screw-off.
I was 83 percent right. It turns out, only five out of the six bottles had screw-off caps ...
The last one didn't.
I didn't realize it until after I'd cut my finger struggling to twist the cap off.
Then things got interesting. See, I was sitting at a table with two other dudes.
And according to Dude Code, when a man can't twist the top off a bottle of anything, every other dude in the room has to try it for themselves.
Dude Code is unavoidable. Even though I said it wasn't a twist-off cap.
One of the dudes cut his hand worse than mine.
The other tried to open it by twisting the bottle on his forearm, and wound up with a cap-sized bruise.
But the question stands: What kind of sick joke was Magic Hat trying to play on us?
Five out of six beers with screw-off caps and one you need a bottle opener for?
Painfully ridiculous!
And I'll bet somewhere up in New England where this stuff is bottled, some crazy looking dude like the one in this photo is laughing his butt off at my expense.
(AP Photo)
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "
Comments
That man is the bottle wizard...look at his beard and glases...
DAMN YOU BOTTLE WIZARD!
-wC
Posted by: WheelSee | April 29, 2008 12:34 PM
Mmmmmm.... #9. I guess you could say that I was like your buddy Scotty when I was in undergrad.
Not that I had money, but I really got into the more expensive beers like Magic Hat, and especially Victory. The way I justified it was that each beer was like getting (at least) 2 for 1, so the price leveled out, plus I got good beer.
Posted by: DrinkDrankDrunk | April 29, 2008 12:46 PM
I think that would be a great little promotional stunt to go with the name.
Everycase should have 5 screw offs and one has the "magic hat"(top).
Kind of like the sword in the stone except its the cap on the beer bottle.
Posted by: Jade Fox | April 29, 2008 1:02 PM
One time I got home from work following a day that could only be salvaged by a cold brew... and when I pulled the last St. Pauli Girl out of the fridge and took a sip... it turned out to be water. Water!? I spent a week telling this to every one I knew until a friend owned up and said he had refilled the bottle and reattached the cap.
Posted by: Heather | April 29, 2008 1:41 PM
i hope the other five beers u drank werent [urine]. =[
Posted by: jonny | August 18, 2009 9:04 PM