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March 8, 2008

Homer is gone!

Terrible news: My magnetic Homer has been kidnapped!

Some evil sneak swiped him Thursday morning.

A note was left at the scene.

It read: "Sam, If u ever want Homer back, please get $5 in small bills ready for his ransom. We will let u know where to meet us. Don't contact the police ... Or else!"

It was signed "Bad guys." 

I cried for hours yesterday.

Here is a short video of my reaction. 

After a careful scent analysis of the note, I determined the person who wrote it does not use fragrant hand lotion. 

That leads me to believe the culprit has chapped, flaky skin.

The caper may also have something to do with the Whoopee cushion I placed under Dan Thanh Dang's seat cover a couple days ago. 

What should I do? Where should I turn?

AAAAAAAAAAH!

(Photo by me) 


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Posted by Sam Sessa at 1:14 PM | | Comments (5)
Categories: The Homer Saga
        

Comments

With Homer Simpson-stealing hoodlums in the catbird seat, The Baltimore Sun sent for the one man who could clean up the town and shoot the gangsters: Rex Banner.

I think you should beg forgiveness, get on your knees and beg for mercy from the court of picked-on co-workers.
Are you sure that it wasn't Elizabeth?

hahahaha Rex Banner

Sam, I'm horrified at such flagrant thievery! I think we should set up a candlelight vigil and sing a hymn, perhaps In the Garden of Eden by I.Ron Butterfly? We can all hold hands and pray til Homer comes home.

Well since the captors have spelling issues, that means you can start by looking for any Baltimore City Public Schools graduates working at The Sun. Go from there.

ZING!

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About Erik Maza
Erik Maza is a features reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He writes for several sections of the Sun paper and contributes weekly columns on music and nightlife. He also writes and edits the Midnight Sun blog. He often covers entertainment, business, and the business of entertainment. Occasionally, he writes about Four Loko, The Block, the liquor board, and those who practice "simulated sex with a potted palm tree." Before The Sun, he was a reporter at the Miami New Times. He's also written for Miami magazine, the Orlando Sentinel, the Sarasota Herald Tribune and the Gainesville Sun. Got tips? Gripes? Pitches? He's reachable at erik.maza@baltsun.com. Click here to keep up with the dumb music he's listening to.

Midnight Sun covers Baltimore music, live entertainment, and nightlife news. On the blog, you'll find, among other things, concert announcements, breaking news, bars closings and openings, up-to-date coverage of crime in nightlife, new music, round-the-clock coverage of Virgin Mobile FreeFest, handy guides on bars staying open past 2 a.m. on New Year's Eve and those that carry Natty Boh on draft. Recurring features include seven-day nightlife guides, Concert News, guest reviews of bars and concerts, Wednesday Corkboard, and photo galleries, as well as reader-submitted photos. Thanks for reading.
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