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February 4, 2011

Visualize the new 31 Oz. Starbucks Trenta

good lord!


Posted by Richard Gorelick at 4:29 PM | | Comments (10)


Wow! Give me one of coffee and another of wine and call it a speedball!

Reminds me of a first (and only) date I once had with a woman who asked for her wine to come in pint glasses ...

So when are they going to ban this 30 Loko drink?

Maybe this is a bad sign, but a Venti coffee in the morning always leaves me wanting more of a boost...guess I'm the demographic, then.

Look - I'm just a sleepy person, OK?? Jeez.

Is this just for cold drinks? Don't get me wrong, I love my 'bucks, but I do like my coffee hot, or at least on the warm side. I think I'd be more likely to buy two Grandes before I get one big coffee all at once.

That dude should have used the jagermeister in his cabinet for this experiment instead.

Kinda disgusting that he didn't rinse the coffee from the cup after he dumped it and replaced it with the wine...

and why did he have ice at the bottom, oh yeah, to cheat. basic facts: trenta = 31 oz = 964 ml. bottle of wine = 750 ml. better display wouold be to pour the entire bottle into the empty cup and show that it's more that a bottle of wine.

damn, now I want a trenta of wine

Hmmm, there are some people I would rather not have be that caffeinated at any time. Like the woman overheard yelling outside of Starbucks this week.

"Don't bother going in, they're closing early. I guess they work for a company that doesn't want to make money!"

Uhm, they closed early because 1. It's been ice storming for days now 2. they are out of milk since they are the only Starbucks open in our neighborhood 3. It's getting dark and their employees would like to go home while it's still light out. 4. It's now 5pm and they've been open since 6am, I think they've done their best for the day. Sheesh.

As someone who works for a not-to-be-named investment firm in Baltimore, I can say that there are, unfortunately, too many people like that lady. My firm hardly ever closes, and one of the only days of the year it does close for its employees' benefit is Christmas Day. I cannot tell you how many emails we get from awful, awful people complaining that we are closed on Christmas Day because it's "bad for business." Apparently, no one is allowed to rest because these people want companies at their beck and call no matter what. It disgusts me.

Rant officially over.

Gee & Liz, I think it was that exact same woman Gary Leising had in mind when he wrote the poem "Your Punishment in Hell"

Someone will douse a cobra in gasoline,
light the sucker, and shove it headfirst
down your throat. It'll speed straight
through your esophagus, unfurl
its hood to fill your stomach
then begin to strike and strike and strike
and strike and strike: fangs pierce
your stomach, venom pours in,
the little burn of incipient ulcers
grows quick, paralysis sets in.
Your lungs stop before your brain,
before your hand, which lifts
to your mouth the plastic-lidded
paper cup holding the caramel
macchiato cappuccino with a double
shot of espresso and frothed soy milk
topped with two shakes of cinnamon
and no, NO (yes, you said no twice)
sugar that was made for you
slowly, while I, already running late,
waited behind you for a simple,
already-made black coffee.
You will lose all motion before
that drink reaches your mouth,
but you recover and the drink,
strangely, has vanished, and barrista
and cobra-douser-slash-lighter do it all again
and again. I know this because,
for my angry impatience,
I am behind you in line in hell
forever, the pot of black coffee
behind the counter steaming,
turning, I know, bitter.

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About this blog

You are reading the archives. For updated blog posts about the Maryland food scene, see Richard Gorelick's new Baltimore Diner blog.
Richard Gorelick was appointed The Baltimore Sun's restaurant critic in September 2010. Before joining the paper staff fulltime, he contributed freelance criticism and features articles about food to area and regional publications. Along the way, he dispatched for short-distance trucking companies, shilled for cultural non-profits, and assisted in cognitive neurology research – never the subject, always the control.

He takes restaurants seriously but not himself, and his favorite restaurant is the one you love, too.

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