Contest #3: Christopher Kimball in Mobtown
For Contest #3, you must imagine that Christopher Kimball, host of "America's Test Kitchen" and founder of "Cook's Illustrated" and "Cook's Country," has forsaken his beloved Vermont farm for a new life in Baltimore.
Devise the "Cook's Illustrated" editorial we might see after he's been here year or so. Retain his prose style (any use of "Hon" is an immediate disqualification, for starters) and resist, if you can, thrusting him into a lost episode of "The Wire."
Other than that, the choice of setting, situation, and neighborhood is yours.
See this post for an example of Kimball's prose. You'll need some extra time. Entries are due Monday, October 25, 8 a.m. EDT. Maximum length is 350 words (as in the example) but shorter effective entries are encouraged.