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August 4, 2010

Smart Cow

smart cow

World-traveling Shallow Thought Wednesday guru John Lindner is back -- and smarter than ever, thanks to all the red meat in his diet. Here's John. LV

Is there anything as sweet as vindication? (I’m presuming total world domination skews savory.)
When the unseen, unelected, unwelcomed panjandrums of nutritional purity declared butter and eggs “unhealthy,” I held out, eating, if anything, more butter and eggs. Both those staples have since returned to the good graces of our would-be keepers. Julia Child was, as always, right. Still, the puritans press on.

It is a curiosity of our age that those who place most stock not so much in the facts of evolution, but in its finality, are those who most strive to deny natural selection’s inevitable due: survival of the fittest.
They inflict warning labels on the population least likely to need them while the most endangered demographic pays the sniffy cautions no heed because, hey, they’re the ones most likely to bring a soldering iron into the bathtub. Safety concerns are not among their priorities. Misadventure is their only teacher. Besides, if you really need a written exhortation against climbing high-voltage relay towers, you’re destined for an early grave, or very lucky. Officialdom cannot preserve you. It can only annoy.
So it goes with red meat. Long has it been the bane of green economists and yoga instructors. Beef, so the mantra goes, is inefficient and unhealthy.
Let me quickly interject that I harbor no animosity toward vegetarians or vegans (as long as they don’t proselytize in breathy, apocalyptic outbursts or prudish murmurs). I mean, somebody has to challenge the herbivores, right? And yes, I agree, a diet of nothing but meat, while fun, may cause complications down the road. Scurvy comes to mind.
In quantities in excess of moderation, I like meat. Red meat. And now, finally, my position on red meat (eat it!) has been vindicated. Eating red meat makes you smart. No less an authority than NPR states the case.
Of course, this revelation makes me wonder why, with all the cheeseburgers under … well, ok, hanging over … my belt, I still can’t understand elementary algebra and articulate a better case against helmet laws. Or does grinding the meat prematurely release its cerebral emoluments? Should I have sent back all those over-cooked burgers?
But then I don’t eat meat for my brain … or my heart. I eat it for my soul. After all, what good is your health if you’re miserable?
Meat. It tastes like being right.
Photo by Christian Hauzer courtesy Stock Xchng
Posted by Laura Vozzella at 11:46 AM | | Comments (13)


YES! Go, John, go!

Smarter, but with bladder cancer. I think this story was in The Sun today.

What Plato said. Finally, evidence of the connection between cooking and poetry production. Hail Prometheus.

How clever are you, jl. I'd never heard the word "prosthelytize" before. At first I thought it was a typo until I realized a secondary definition of prosthetic is "of, relating to, or constituting a nonprotein group of a conjugated protein".

Whoops! JL had the word wrong, then I "fixed" it to make it even wronger. Where's Prof. McIntyre when you need him? LV

I am so tired of hearing how bad red meat is for you. There is nothing as satisfying to me as a good porterhouse cooked blood red, covered with sautéed mushrooms. Maybe some crispy fries, hot and salty, and a good crisp salad with Blu Cheese dressing. I know that's bad for me, but as John said it's good for the soul.

After all, we are all going to die someday. How many 90 year old vegans do you see walking around?

I stopped believing "dietary advice" when eggs lurched back and forth between heart-attack-over-easy to superfood.

Eat well, be well.

Prostylifooz! Proostylafuzz! Pootwee!
Here again, I must ask myself: Am I really getting enough red meat? Shouldn't spelling come eezier to a protein landfill?

Once I stopped eating red meat, I began to appreciate--became fond of, even--T.S. Eliot.

Poetic points to Bucky!

John, if you think you'd be miserable as a vegetarian, that would be because you chose to be miserable.

Hmm, let's see what other animal has a big brain? How about an elephant? As I recall, elephants are vegan.

And one of the anthropology experts quoted in the NPR article (Wrangham) is a vegetarian. That suggests, that despite his scientific conclusions, he no longer can justify meat consumption.

One might rationally conclude the article is accurate. But the meat intake that produced the increase in brain size was likely small, and is nowhere close to the volume and frequency that most meat eaters eat today ---and to what you probably eat, based on your report.

After all, what good is gross over-consumption without balance?

My point, insufficiently made, is not that vegetarian diet = misery. VegetarianISM, veganism, carnivism (neology alert!), and any other ism, invariably makes me miserable because they are ideologies that lead adherents to prostilafooz, proselyteez ... screw it -- lecture me, or worse. If I am fortunate enough to have choices about what I eat, I ought to thank God and eat what I choose. Gratuitously reading into that last sentence a rejection of moderation and common sense is the trick of presumptuous bores, of whom the warning label class is a prime example.
As for anthropology experts on NPR having any influence on my dietary practices ... hahahahaha.

lecture me, or worse.

How 'bout they squeeze you into the wall side of a narrow booth with a too high table and spoon feed you creamed corn as they proselytaze.

Vegetables are not food.
Vegatables are what food eats.

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About this blog
Richard Gorelick was appointed The Baltimore Sun's restaurant critic in September 2010. Before joining the paper staff fulltime, he contributed freelance criticism and features articles about food to area and regional publications. Along the way, he dispatched for short-distance trucking companies, shilled for cultural non-profits, and assisted in cognitive neurology research – never the subject, always the control.

He takes restaurants seriously but not himself, and his favorite restaurant is the one you love, too.

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