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May 25, 2010

The Judgment of McIntyre

Fried eggLanguage guru John McIntyre has been so busy wading through entries to the Dining@Large book-title contest that he's probably neglected his usual reading. Thank goodness he's come up with the winners so he can get back to Horace. Here's John. LV

Selecting a winner from the 41 entries in this competition is one of the most difficult judgments I have ever had to make, the quality of the entries being impressively high. But there have to be winners:


As I Lay Frying

During its final moments of life in the Snopes family's skillet, an egg reflects on the meaninglessness of life and the futility of trying to learn how to spell Yoknapatawpha.

Posted by: Mark Murphy

A Liver Runs Through It
 - Norman Maclean

This coming of age novella, set during Prohibition, tells the story of two brothers, as they fill their days with fly fishing, religious studies and employment in a foie gras production facility in Missoula, Montana.

Posted by: bob redford


The New Testament - A Foodie's Guide

Izzy Mandelbaum's tasty tour of this Old Testament sequel includes wine-tasting with Jesus at Cana, Jesus catering 5000 with his Filet O-Fish prototype, the perils of being a fig tree, and quick 'n easy one dish manger meals.

Posted by: Owl Meat GinHound


A Child's Garden of Wurst 
by Robert Louis Kielbasa

Your child will devour this mouth-watering collection of fables that includes: The Three Little Pigs in a Blanket; Little Orphan Andouille; The Boy Who Cried Wiener; The Enchanted Chorizo; and, Hansel and Gristle.

Posted by: Amanda C


Are you there G-d? It's Me, Margarine

Being neither butter nor shortening, Margarine explores self determination, all the while attempting to avoid the pitfalls typical of a product laden with trans fat.

Posted by: judy blume

Rosemary, Baby

In this sequel to his chef d'ouevre, "A Man for All Seasonings," culinary writer Richard Garlic takes the thyme to describes how he spices his succulent leg of lamb.

Posted by: Michael A. Gray


All winners above (yes, all) are eligible to receive a personally crafted martini from the judge’s hands, with these options:

(A) Straight up or on the rocks

(B) Gin or vodka (vermouth mandatory, quantity variable)

(C) Lemon twist or olive

Venue to be determined.

Winners responsible for presenting valid I.D. Offer valid in Greater Baltimore metropolitan area only. Offer has no expiration date. Scheduling subject to the vicissitudes of the judge’s work day. Must be 21 years of age or older. Results may vary. Other restrictions may apply. Consumer of beverage assumes all liability. No preservatives or additives. No salt, MSG, artificial coloring or flavoring added. Keep away from pets and small children. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue use. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Slippery when wet. Discontinue use of this product if any of the following occurs: itching, aching, vertigo, dizziness, ringing in your ears, vomiting, giddiness, aural or visual hallucinations, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, slurred speech, temporary blindness, drowsiness, insomnia, profuse sweating, shivering, or heart palpitations. No animals were harmed in the conduct of this competition.

The egg from "As I Lay Frying." Los Angeles Times photo
Posted by Laura Vozzella at 2:56 PM | | Comments (8)


didn't really keep up with these! How clever they all are, but I have to say I really laughed out loud at " Are you there god? it's me, Margarine"!

congrats to one and all!

Congrats all. Great entries. Wise judge. My fave's still Hansel and Gristle. I'll cover a see-through for that one if the opportunity ever presents itself.

Whaaaaaat? I really missed something. Cabernet Sippaway was robbed. Stone cold bummer. Maybe the judge didn't get the jokes. I thought that was a very well-known movie/book. DIdn't it win some Oscars?

Judging by the two winners, this turned out to be a coloring within the lines contest. Hmm, one is a copy editor and both are slavish imitations of the judge's style, format, tone and use of weak puns. Well, I guess that's strategy for you. I'm sure the next contest will be much less interesting if risk-taking is punished.

Yo Frizzy, this is the Sun, what did you expect? Innovation? Unions never reward innovation; it's a threat. Culture rules behavior at work; keep your head down is job one; CYA is the prime directive. These people have been spanked hard and are in crisis/lockdown/shields up mode. They don't give a crap about this silly stuff when they have existential queries at every turn. Does the judge guy even work for the SUn?

Oh, who cares, it's just a ploy to get you drones to tune in. Blah blah blah what about Afghanistan? 1000 Americans have died there and all you's guys care about is this lame ass crap. Put down your fondue forks and take up words against an unjust useless war!


Yu are alll such silly goats. The reason tp have a contests of no real point of reward is to rally the fools to come and visit your dying chicken. Look again children, there was another yet contest that emded on the Friday noon and not your blog mater nor a nother has even spoken.

You kinder are fodder for the new whournalism. Making the money with the fake news. Danse monkeys danse!!! Fools. They make you jump but do not even fake clap you. Silly Americains

Peculiar that anyone who finds this such a feeble effort to draw drones should spend so much time here.

I loved the "As I Lay Frying." Puns might not make the world go round, but they're a welcome respite. Give the winners their due. Enjoyable word play.

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About this blog
Richard Gorelick was appointed The Baltimore Sun's restaurant critic in September 2010. Before joining the paper staff fulltime, he contributed freelance criticism and features articles about food to area and regional publications. Along the way, he dispatched for short-distance trucking companies, shilled for cultural non-profits, and assisted in cognitive neurology research – never the subject, always the control.

He takes restaurants seriously but not himself, and his favorite restaurant is the one you love, too.

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