The Judgment of McIntyre
Language guru John McIntyre has been so busy wading through entries to the Dining@Large book-title contest that he's probably neglected his usual reading. Thank goodness he's come up with the winners so he can get back to Horace. Here's John. LV
Selecting a winner from the 41 entries in this competition is one of the most difficult judgments I have ever had to make, the quality of the entries being impressively high. But there have to be winners:
FIRST PLACE (TIE)
As I Lay Frying
During its final moments of life in the Snopes family's skillet, an egg reflects on the meaninglessness of life and the futility of trying to learn how to spell Yoknapatawpha.
Posted by: Mark Murphy
A Liver Runs Through It - Norman Maclean
This coming of age novella, set during Prohibition, tells the story of two brothers, as they fill their days with fly fishing, religious studies and employment in a foie gras production facility in Missoula, Montana.
Posted by: bob redford
The New Testament - A Foodie's Guide
Izzy Mandelbaum's tasty tour of this Old Testament sequel includes wine-tasting with Jesus at Cana, Jesus catering 5000 with his Filet O-Fish prototype, the perils of being a fig tree, and quick 'n easy one dish manger meals.
Posted by: Owl Meat GinHound
A Child's Garden of Wurst
by Robert Louis Kielbasa
Your child will devour this mouth-watering collection of fables that includes: The Three Little Pigs in a Blanket; Little Orphan Andouille; The Boy Who Cried Wiener; The Enchanted Chorizo; and, Hansel and Gristle.
Posted by: Amanda C
Are you there G-d? It's Me, Margarine
Being neither butter nor shortening, Margarine explores self determination, all the while attempting to avoid the pitfalls typical of a product laden with trans fat.
Posted by: judy blume
In this sequel to his chef d'ouevre, "A Man for All Seasonings," culinary writer Richard Garlic takes the thyme to describes how he spices his succulent leg of lamb.
Posted by: Michael A. Gray
All winners above (yes, all) are eligible to receive a personally crafted martini from the judge’s hands, with these options:
(A) Straight up or on the rocks
(B) Gin or vodka (vermouth mandatory, quantity variable)
(C) Lemon twist or olive
Venue to be determined.
Winners responsible for presenting valid I.D. Offer valid in Greater Baltimore metropolitan area only. Offer has no expiration date. Scheduling subject to the vicissitudes of the judge’s work day. Must be 21 years of age or older. Results may vary. Other restrictions may apply. Consumer of beverage assumes all liability. No preservatives or additives. No salt, MSG, artificial coloring or flavoring added. Keep away from pets and small children. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue use. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Slippery when wet. Discontinue use of this product if any of the following occurs: itching, aching, vertigo, dizziness, ringing in your ears, vomiting, giddiness, aural or visual hallucinations, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, slurred speech, temporary blindness, drowsiness, insomnia, profuse sweating, shivering, or heart palpitations. No animals were harmed in the conduct of this competition.
The egg from "As I Lay Frying." Los Angeles Times photo