Top Ten retro foods we wish would stay in the past
One day you're passe. The next, retro.
Cocktails. Soft drinks made with sugar instead of high-fructose corn syrup. Even beef -- the kind raised on old-fashioned grass instead of feedlot corn -- qualifies as comeback cuisine.
The mac-n-cheese might have lobster in it. The grilled cheese could be brioche and brie. Even gentrified classics tap into our food nostalgia, satisfying both outer epicure and inner child.
But sometimes what gets eaten in childhood should stay in childhood.
Which brings us to this week's list: Top Ten retro foods we wish would stay in the past.
1. Pop Rocks
The exploding candy has made a comeback in cocktails and even a tuna entree at Jack's Bistro. I know some people like it. But I'm skeptical -- just like when I heard Mikey from the Life cereal commercial died from ingesting Pop Rocks with soda.
2. Home-canned anything
I love the whole locavore logic behind canning and, honestly, I'd like to try it. But Sara Dickerman in Slate nails what's wrong with this homespun hobby's becoming "ridiculously trendy." She calls it "showy industriousness." "These culinary trophies are emblematic of a project-based food relationship that we urban food junkies are prone to indulge these days: athletic all-weekend bouts of cheesemaking or bacon curing or jam and pickle making are so much more bloggable and boastworthy than making a decent brown-bag lunch five days in a row." And then there's the botulism thing.
3. Cupcakes
I like them fine when they're delicate miniature cakes topped with, say, chocolate-mascarpone frosting. But so often they're dry and adorned with Crisco-based icing, even at high-end bake shops devoted to cupcakes.
4. Berger cookies
I know this is heresy in these parts. But do you want frosting on cookies? A blob of frosting as thick as the cookie itself? Then there's the matter of what goes into them. From the company Web site: "Ingredients: sugar, flour (bleached), water, fudge (partially hydrogenated soybean and cottonseed oil) cocas (natural processed with akali) margarine (partially hydrogenated soybean and cottonseed oil) corn syrup, eggs (FDC yellow 5 & 6) corn starch, milk (non-fat), artificial flavor, salt." Does that sound yummy?5. Red Dye No. 2
Even if that one's gone for good, a whole bunch of other dated, Day-Glo colors tart up our food supply. I tried to buy pickles the other day at Giant. Every single brand on the shelves contained yellow food coloring. Do I really have to haul all the way over to Whole Foods for a bottle of kosher dills?
6. Tomato aspic
Tomato Jell-O still shows up at holiday potlucks. Why?
7. Regular Jell-O
Calling it the "perfect food for a battered economy," Salon declared last summer that "The jiggle is back." Nothing says wobbly dessert fun like rendered animal parts.
8. Tongue
With more chefs buying whole animals directly from farmers, off cuts of meat are showing up on menus. I know this is immature, but I don't want to taste anything that can taste me back.
9. Green bean casserole
I call it green glop casserole. Who keeps inviting it to Thanksgiving?
10. Whatever those striped heirloom tomatoes were that I grew last summer
The guy who sold me the plants at the farmers' market said they'd be great. True enough for the other varieties I bought from him. But the striped ones were clunkers. We wound up letting them rot on the vine. Maybe some kinds of tomatoes should be allowed to die out.
Sun file photo








Comments
Good morning spam!
And I'm there with you on about half of this. I know it's not good, but a holiday dinner without Green Bean Casserole just seems wrong. It breaks my brain just to ponder that such a possibility could exist.
Posted by: Josh | March 16, 2010 6:19 AM
Good morning spam!
And I'm there with you on about half of this. I know it's not good, but a holiday dinner without Green Bean Casserole just seems wrong. It breaks my brain just to ponder that such a possibility could exist.
Posted by: Josh | March 16, 2010 6:19 AM
johnharrow, your spam link for various for-profit cooking schools just happens to coincide with the recent publication of this New York Times article on how such schools are huge ripoffs. Which school do you work for?
Posted by: hmpstd | March 16, 2010 6:42 AM
I've always hated green bean casserole. Now that i have my "own" thanksgiving, NO WAY is that stuff allowed. It looks like a sinus issue.
However, I disagree with the indictment of Berger cookies.. The cookie itself is just a polite way to get your icing fix. You know instead of a spoon and a container.Yes, I've gone that route.
Posted by: Meekrat | March 16, 2010 7:39 AM
The first time I encountered Berger cookies, I greeted them the same way I would a ten year-old's best baking efforts: with polite enthusiasm, admiration for her spatula skills, and appreciative of her generosity with the icing. But it would never occur to ask for the recipe.
Green bean casserole seems like the last vestige of bomb-shelter cuisine, when you only have on hand canned green beans, canned mushrooms, and canned onions.
As for jello, the rendered animal parts are probably the best part of the product.
Posted by: Laura Lee | March 16, 2010 7:55 AM
Ms. V, obviously you haven't been to one of New York's more popular delis, like the Stage or the Carnegie, over the years. Tongue has always been a staple of numerous sandwiches, paired with corned beef, pastrami, salami and/or Swiss cheese, heaped with cole slaw,slathered with Russian dressing. It's hardly making a comeback when it's never been away.
Posted by: Michael A. Gray | March 16, 2010 8:24 AM
The green bean casserole: What is up with that? The same thing as sweet potato casserole with marshmallows on top? Gross. What's wrong with just green beans and sweet potatoes by themselves? They're both great just on their own.
Posted by: potpie | March 16, 2010 9:15 AM
What's wrong with just green beans and sweet potatoes by themselves? They're both great just on their own.
If you're talking about fresh produce, most certainly.
But I can only guess that the casserole versions arose out of a need to cover up or dress up that the produce in question most likely came out of a can.
Posted by: El Generalissimo | March 16, 2010 9:19 AM
potpie, but for the green bean casserole, there would be no place for Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup (or any other soup, for that matter) at Thanksgiving.
Posted by: hmpstd | March 16, 2010 9:58 AM
BOO on Berger Cookies - every time I share them outside the state they are a HUGE hit - the first thing my mom used to ask when I got off the plane (they lived in Nevada) was "Did you bring the Berger Cookies? If not, get back on the plane." Getting rid of Berger Cookies is like saying "HEY Who Needs Old Bay?"
Posted by: MJ Chatter | March 16, 2010 10:03 AM
Green bean casserole is a staple at our holiday table. Just like the cranberry sauce that comes out of the can looking like the can.
Since I've left my mother's home, I've learned to appreciate, cook and like fresh veggies, but I'll always have a soft spot for those two items.
Agree on the Bergers. Blech. One bite is too much. I'd much rather have a good bakery chocolate top!
Posted by: Joyce W. | March 16, 2010 10:12 AM
Oh LV, I really wish you didn't ruin Berger Cookies for me. When indulging in a treat like that, its best not to know whats in them. I fear I will never look at them the same way again.
Posted by: CantonK | March 16, 2010 10:14 AM
There are a ton of good recipes out there for green bean casserole. In fact, many have been "modernized" to omit the cream of mushroom soup and crispy onion toppings. The same goes for sweet potato casserole. Blah to the marshmallow topping. I use light brown sugar and pecans....so yummy!
Joyce...I'll take a good chocolate top over a Berger cookie too. My fav are from Giant!
Posted by: BaltBabs | March 16, 2010 10:36 AM
While the green bean casserole is not usually part of the Thanksgiving table in my family, it is good ol' comfort food.
But the cranberry sauce that comes out of a can is a staple on our Turkey Day table, along with the real thing. Some in the family just like the canned stuff better.
Posted by: PCB Rob | March 16, 2010 10:36 AM
At our last Thanksgiving dinner, a guest brought a wonderful sweet potato casserole that had pecans, coconut, brown suger - was heavenly!
Of course, she also brought the marshmallow topped version - her husband protested the "modern" version!
Posted by: lvnbraves | March 16, 2010 10:45 AM
Re: #5 -- pickles using yellow dye. I avoid that by home canning my own... oh, wait. I guess that's a food trend that just shouldn't be brought back.
OK, I'll take back the canning comment. LV
Posted by: Nik | March 16, 2010 11:27 AM
Yikes! Can't disagree with you more! My green bean casserole is delicious and Berger cookies are a guilty pleasure. (And if you ask me, the ingredients are no worse than pretty much any dessert you buy at the grocery store!)
Posted by: bcteacher25 | March 16, 2010 11:57 AM
Down with Green bean casserole. I couldn't agree more.
Berger Cookies, though... As a DC transplant to Baltimore, there are few foods that are truly Baltimore to me: Berger Cookies, Pit Beef, Snowballs are a few that come to mind. I'll take the cookies over them all.
Posted by: Don't Shake the Baby | March 16, 2010 12:02 PM
Speaking of chocolate tops, in my opinion, and of my coworkers, the best chocolate tops are from Parisers bakery in Pikesville. They set the standard IMO. http://www.parisersbakery.com/
Posted by: M&M | March 16, 2010 1:53 PM
BaltBabs & M&M I agree with both of your choices for chocolate tops. In addition, Sinai's marketplace sells an awesome one but I have no idea what supplier they come from.
Posted by: Joyce W. | March 16, 2010 1:58 PM
Reading the ingredients for Berger Cookies is like reading the ingredients for scrapple. Don't do it!
Posted by: Joanna | March 16, 2010 2:31 PM
Joyce - Shhh! You know what happens once you proclaim your fondess for something!
Posted by: Trixie | March 16, 2010 2:39 PM
you gotta be kidding me...
Berger cookies are great bc you only need to eat one!
green zebra striped tomatoe/german striped tomato is like sugar... don't knock em cause you can't grow em
la lenqua tacos at tortillaria sinaloa are the best.
We'll have to agree to disagree on the Bergers and la lengua. But I'm willing to be converted on the Striped Germans. What's your secret? LV
Posted by: tomc | March 16, 2010 3:03 PM
Trixie! You are right! Darn it! Now there will never be a chocolate top to be had again! Wish I'd remember to stop proclaiming my fondness for things!
hmmm captcha Nostradamus says quatrain 1972.
Posted by: Joyce W. | March 16, 2010 3:03 PM
Berger cookies are topped with a mediocre substitute for good fudge. I'd rather just buy some fudge and dig in.
Posted by: hmpstd | March 16, 2010 4:33 PM
I like tomato aspic. I mean not alone, that is just wierd, but it really is good with chicken salad.
Posted by: Robert of Cross Keys | March 16, 2010 4:43 PM
Re: Pickles
Head out of the condiments aisle, and head to the refrigerated deli section. There you will find Claussen pickles. I just checked our jar, and no dye, just potassium sorbate as a perservative.
Posted by: Chris Bingel | March 16, 2010 7:28 PM
Joyce, what's a chocolate top?
I have an idea but since this is a food blog, it is probably wrong. ;)
Posted by: Stacy | March 17, 2010 10:25 AM
4. Berger cookies
I know this is heresy in these parts. But do you want frosting on cookies? A blob of frosting as thick as the cookie itself? Then there's the matter of what goes into them. From the company Web site: "Ingredients: sugar, flour (bleached), water, fudge (partially hydrogenated soybean and cottonseed oil) cocas (natural processed with akali) margarine (partially hydrogenated soybean and cottonseed oil) corn syrup, eggs (FDC yellow 5 & 6) corn starch, milk (non-fat), artificial flavor, salt." Does that sound yummy?
YES, YES IT DOES!
Posted by: vudean | March 17, 2010 10:52 AM
probably not what you're thinking, Stacy! LOL! it's a delicous cookie with a blob of chocolate on top. It's sort of like Berger's in that they're both cookies and both topped with chocolate, but it's much less chocolate and much less sweet. Sort of like a star tipped icing bag put the chocolate on top of a pretty plain cookie.
Posted by: Joyce W. | March 17, 2010 10:54 AM
Eddie's on Charles Street has them. Chocolate tops, that is.
Posted by: Richard | March 17, 2010 10:59 AM
Hmmmmm...now I'm wondering if chocolate tops are a Baltimore thing too?
Posted by: BaltBabs | March 17, 2010 11:11 AM
Stacy, here's a link to an assorted cookie picture. I'm sure you can figure out which ones are the chocolate tops. :-)
http://www.parisersbakery.com/category_s/3.htm?searching=Y&sort=13&cat=3&show=10&page=2
Posted by: M&M | March 17, 2010 1:22 PM
What about Zotz? Zots are like Poprocks, but encased in hard candy.
Posted by: ColonelTamar | March 17, 2010 2:10 PM
Thanks--I learned something new today. I never knew those cookies were called chocolate tops.
Posted by: Dahlink | March 17, 2010 2:57 PM
Me too Dahlink! As soon as I read that childhood memories came rushing back. I loved those cookies. Wasn't there a bakery/stall in Lexington market that used to sell them? I can recall them being packaged in those little white boxes.
Posted by: Trixie | March 17, 2010 3:24 PM
Trixie, there are no childhood memories of Lexington market for me, but I've seen those cookies at my local Giant bakery from time to time.
Posted by: Dahlink | March 17, 2010 4:24 PM
Chocolate tops over Berger cookies?!?! Are you kidding me?!?!
Posted by: Dawn | March 18, 2010 10:42 AM
We had our first Berger cookies at a wedding a couple weeks back. Turns out... they're delicious!!!
Posted by: sean | March 18, 2010 12:29 PM
sean, your taste buds must be on strike. berger cookies taste like crap, just the worst artificial garbage. guess what? that's what they are made from:
Ingredients: sugar, flour (bleached), water, fudge (partially hydrogenated soybean and cottonseed oil) cocas (natural processed with akali) margarine (partially hydrogenated soybean and cottonseed oil) corn syrup, eggs (FDC yellow 5 & 6) corn starch, milk (non-fat), artificial flavor, salt.
mmm... cottonseed oil margarine, just like my robot mother used to make. garbage garbage garbage
Posted by: tree elf | March 18, 2010 12:57 PM
tree elf, thanks for the clarification. Here I thought they were made out of oat bran, kale, and multivitamins. Silly me! And thanks for pointing out that I'm wrong about how I think they taste - I really needed that useful bit of info as well.
Posted by: sean | March 18, 2010 1:14 PM
I'm sure you can imagine how I must feel.
Posted by: sean | March 18, 2010 1:17 PM
that's not me
Posted by: sean | March 18, 2010 1:18 PM
Okay, well, that one was less funny. And regulars who are familiar with my posts know better.
Wait a minute... tree elf, huh? I think I know your opposition to Berger cookies now...
Posted by: sean | March 18, 2010 1:25 PM
Sean, just change your handle to Da real Sean. That should help :-)
Posted by: BaltBabs | March 18, 2010 2:27 PM
BaltBabs, the preview said "Sean, just change your handle to Da"--I thought you were going to advise him to appropriate my name!
Posted by: Dahlink | March 18, 2010 3:02 PM
I have to admit, it's a wee bit disorienting having to argue with myself...
How about "Sean fo sho"?
Malkovich Malkovich?
Posted by: sean | March 18, 2010 4:05 PM