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December 7, 2009

Foods you can spread on wet cardboard to make it taste great



As I was going through the comments on an earlier post, I came across this intriguing one by Cleatus:

Re: JM's Granny Early's Sour Cream Cookies (sounds great, BTW): There are only a few food substances like sour cream, but it's true: you can spread it on old wet cardboard and it'll taste great. Soy sauce is another one. Chocolate, of course is another. Almond paste. Brie. Nominations?

Hal nominated garlic butter, and Joyce W. came up with grilling (which I'm not sure counts) and Nutella. ...

What interests me is that my "food you can dip/spread/pour on wet cardboard and it will taste great" isn't any of these.

Well, maybe garlic butter.

But if I can only have one, I would say brown butter. When I was going through my high-calorie breakfast phase I would make waffles every morning and eat them with brown butter, real maple syrup and crisp bacon.

Its nutty brown butteryness is equally good on vegetables, meat, fish, popcorn, frosting and I don't know what all.

(AP Photo of catfish with brown butter, prosciutto and almonds/Catfish Institute) 

Posted by Elizabeth Large at 6:45 AM | | Comments (42)


I saw the post title and immediately thought of garlic, butter and basil. I've always said that the French put it on snails just to prove that it makes anything taste good.

Southern-fried wet cardboard. Given a properly constructed batter and oil at the correct temperature, a Southerner would happily eat deep-fried lint.

So right, Matt. Snails are the liver of shellfish. But unlike liver, I like snails. Perhaps it's the garlic, butter, basil and parmesan cheese.
Captcha: clusion drains (truer words, right?)

Maybe deep-frying in general ... The menus at various state fairs seem to support the theory that plenty of things are improved by frying, like pickles, and Coke.

Got any old wet cardboard around the house? Feel like a nosh? Go Greek. Slather on hummus, tzasiki and tormosalata. If you have any pita in the larder, though, feel free to chuck the cardboard.


The chorizo flameado from Mari Luna.

Worcestershire sauce

Port Wine Cheddar Cheese, that stuff in the tubs in the dairy case.

Honey makes anything taste good.

bacon, bleu cheese, hollandaise, bernaise, sausage gravy (or any good gravy for that matter). made me think of homer simpson almost dying of a heart attack. they asked him, "what's your blood type?"... "gravy". mmmmmmm, gravy.

Nutella. The cardboard could be moldy, and Nutella would still make it taste good.

Smucker's Strawberry Preserves.

Sesame Oil

peanut butter

Skippy Extra Chunky. Also the Whole Foods fire roasted tomato salsa, which of course they have discontinued.
But not together.

I don't know what its name really is (when I asked, I was always told, "just garlic"), but the Lebanese restaurants have this stuff made from olive oil and garlic whipped in a blender until it is about the consistency of mayo that is wonderful. Scoop it up with pita, cover a chicken with it before may not improve chocolate cake, but it'd kill the mold on that moldy cardboard and then sterilize your throat.

tahini, miso, almond butter, separate or mixed together!

Sriracha sauce (better known as the red chili sauce in the bottle with a rooster on it) Even made the most disgusting protein shake palatable.

captcha :renault some


seven pepper jelly....mmm

Sevruga caviar.

Black truffle.

There's a reason they're so expensive.

lemon curd and/or real whipped cream

lemon curd and/or real whipped cream....oh oh oh and ganache...mmmmmm

and cream cheese frosting.

Olive Tapanade

No Doubts
Forget cardboard ,it makes cottage cheese edible

Captcha Martyrs damsons
(they sound tasty)

I can't believe no one has mentioned lard and schmalz yet.

Whisky. Preferably Bourbon, but Irish will do the trick just fine.

Ah, you beat me to it Lissa.

really creamy, lemony, garlicky, chilled guacamole

I wish I had some right now.

captcha: spokesman pontiff (the guy who translates the pope's jokes for the tourists)

Cleatus, you nailed it. We brought back home-grown organic avocados from California (tip: pack them in your shoes). Sorry--I'm not sharing!

Forget wet cardboard -- is there any food you can spread on matzoh to make it taste good?

Butter. EL

hmpstd, anything! I love matzoh. unfortunately, it doesn't love me!

I like matzoh, hmpstd. Lots of things go well on top of it, although I'll admit, I wouldn't feel comfortable spreading lard on it.

I always enjoyed eating matzoh with butter or just plain.

Matzoh was invented for two purposes. To sustain the Jews on their exodus from Israel. And to make matzoh brie (fried matzohs.) Some people may dismiss it as Jewish French toast. But a heaping platter of matzoh brie, made with chicken schmaltz and sprinkled with granulated sugar, is about as good as breakfast gets.

Odie, i agree...

As far as Matzoh goes, marinara sauce and cheese.. matzoh pizza! thinnest crust you'll ever have.

"Bread of Addiction" Matzoh - pour on the boiling mixture of brown sugar and butter, broil for a minute or two, then sprinkle on the almonds and chopped dark chocolate. Allow to cool and break into pieces. Cardboard would be just as tasty matzoh in this recipe, I believe.

Wow, "McGovern inquests"

Good tapenade
Good pesto
Weber's Cider Mill Farms' Triple Crown preserves (cherry/red raspberry/strawberry). This stuff is SO good! I know, I know, I "shill" this place so much you'd think I own stock. I don't, but they have some GREAT stuff!

has sacks ...who, and of what?

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About this blog
Richard Gorelick was appointed The Baltimore Sun's restaurant critic in September 2010. Before joining the paper staff fulltime, he contributed freelance criticism and features articles about food to area and regional publications. Along the way, he dispatched for short-distance trucking companies, shilled for cultural non-profits, and assisted in cognitive neurology research – never the subject, always the control.

He takes restaurants seriously but not himself, and his favorite restaurant is the one you love, too.

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