The real superfoods
Food scare stories don’t scare me. I’ve seen, as it were, where the sausage is made. And such stories always come to nothing. Always. Neither am I duped by reports of miracle foods, the likes of which I stumbled across recently in this New York Times fluffer on beetroot juice. (You too can die on your exercycle!)
Full disclosure, I detest beets. Fortunately, my journalistic training allows me to report the following with haughty objectivity. ...
The “real story” lies at the end of the beet piece. Some drone added a brief list of “superfoods.” As you may have guessed, butter was not among the winners.
Them: Pomegranate. Revered in ancient times as a source of regeneration, a study in 2005 found it reduced harmful cholesterol in mice.
Me: Like I want healthy mice.
Them: Garlic. A study in 1999 found that eating half a raw clove a day may help to prevent cancer.
Me: Or … it may not. (I eat it anyway ... I'm just saying.)
Them: Apple. Research in the late 1990s discovered the fruit to be a useful food for preventing osteoporosis.
Me: In mice?
The Bacon Cheese Rare Roast Beef Rollup (great for parties, especially if nobody shows up): Lay out a thickish slice of rare roast beef. At one end, lay in a piece of bacon and a slice of cheese. Roll up. Dip in Heinz 57 sauce (or Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ sauce or any of a number of great sauces) and nosh.
Variations abound, let your heart be your guide. Contraindications: While you may not live longer (than what, we’re not sure), at least you will have lived. Low carb and covers about 30-50 percent of the food color scale depending on the sauce you choose.
Anything French: When it comes to living a miserable life well, no culture surpasses that of the French (possible exceptions within certain narrow definitions: Tahitians, Swedish polygamists, bikers). Whether it’s cheese, wine, or amphibians, the French know how to make the most of a shortened lifespan. Added benefits: They ignore no-smoking signs and have jobs for life.
(Photo by Tracy Olson, courtesy Stock Exchng)