Most are fairly obvious and without fault, but I wanted to address a few I have issue with:

#17: True, unless the diner pushes the plate aside, stacks plates/napkin, or asks for the plate to be removed.

#26: This seems to be a detail that should be properly anticipated, and, depending on the number of guests vs. bottles of wine, you should know if there will be a considerable amount of unpoured white wine. If so, bring the bucket. If they like room temp white wine, they can remove the bottle. Asking when the answer is obvious in most cases seems needlessly intrusive.

#27: I would assume the server would pour all wine (not just the 1st glass, either) unless instructed not to.

#39: What's wrong with referring to a woman as "lady"? Obviously, "Hey, lady, you want more bread" isn't correct, but, when soliciting an order, how is "And for the lady?" incorrect?

#42: If you have a genuine compliment for a guest, I don't see the harm, especially if the counter is others would somehow feel insulted. Ridiculous.

#43: Many, many guests want to know the servers opinions on dessert. While I agree that unsolicited opinions about the menu items is out of bounds, the server's personal opinion about dessert and wine, for example, can be another way to enhance the guest's enjoyment.

#46: If a guest is a regular and/or the "host" of the event, it seems natural that you will acknowledge them, and the opposite would seem odd at best and probably rude.

#49: If the gratuity is included in the bill (i.e. for large parties) the server should absolutely note that. Trying to slip in the old double tip is shady at best.

Looking forward to the next 50!

6: Tap should be the default unless the guest specifies otherwise. Tap water is also held to higher standards than most bottle waters.

9: Is it too much to ask the restaurant use copier and maybe insert the special in menu?

10: I can forgive.

14a: Don't ask how everything is immediately after the table has been given their food by someone else.

18: is mostly a problem in my experience when someone other than the server brings the food or you have a large party. I can forgive the later but the former bugs me.

19: Depends on the restaurant. I wouldn't expect olive oil at all restaurants.

23: or just print that information on the receipt....in fact maybe recipts should contain more information not the arbitrary abbreviations they seem to contain all too frequently, paper and ink are cheap.

24: except for water glasses which should just be refilled.

33: I've noticed this happens more often when management tries to maximize seating capacity with little regard to the movement of people in the dining space. I also notice that it is fellow customers who bump into you more than wait staff.

40: Doesn't necessarily imply the other choices are bad. It could just mean you happened to pick the waiter's favorite dish. Or you happened to pick the dish on a night the chef prepared it better than usual.

42: I don't see how complimenting one person puts down another. It isn't a zero sum game.

44: It could be relevant. If you are one of those crazy vegetarians you might appreciate the recommendation for something good on a menu by a waiter of the say inclination.

Most servers--except in VERY high end restaurants--seem to be very poorly trained. I would hope that this list gets wide circulation among restauranteurs. Each rule is good and would not be hard to observe.

I have to disagree with a comment above regarding #27. In most cases I don't want the server to be in charge of pouring the wine. If the server is very busy you are sitting there waiting for him to come refill your glass, or--and this is the main problem--a super attentive server is rushing over to refill the glasses of people who are tossing back the wine as if it were Bud Lite. I've seen many a fine bottle disappear before the diners who are actually enjoying the wine have finished the first pour. One has to wonder if the server is pushing for higher alcohol sales

flaquita, OF COURSE the server wants to sell you another bottle!

Waiter Rant's (Steve Dublanica's) response to this: http://waiterrant.net/?p=1485

I like these. Especially the one about not touching the customer.

Lady is considered insulting by some women. It has class and behaviour connotations that many feel limit them.

So Lissa what should a waiter refer to a woman as that is the equivalent of Sir?

"Madame"

Paul, the question "And for the lady?" was what a waiter used to ask a lady's male dining companion, based on the assumption that the man would order for both because the lady was incapable of doing so on her own. That may have been the practice in the Mad Men days, but it's way too patronizing nowadays.

Paul, as with so many things, it depends on context. "Ma'am" works sometimes but not others. Then again, how often do you hear "sir" in a restaurant these days.

hmpstd has it.

For the record, the author of that list, Bruce Buschel, isn't even a restaurateur, at least not yet. He hopes to open his first place in April, per his first blog entry. His blog bio describes him as "an author, magazine writer, co-creator of an Off Broadway musical, and director/producer of jazz films". Why he considers himself qualified to offer extensive advice to professional wait staffers is beyond me.

I am addressed as Sir all the time. Should I feel that is somehow limiting me too?

wow, I have been a bartender and server for 31 years in baltimore and I agree totally on this list. I do not know what has happened to the industry or if maybe it's me, but I see on a daily basis, servers who leave me wondering WTF?? like the server who told the guest that there we were out of banana spring rolls, her and a friend ate the last one! or, more recently, the server trying to open a bottle of reisling with a corkscrew and it was a screw cap. it's bittersweet, my job, I shudder in horror for the guests sometimes while gaining stories that make me laugh for decades!

I can't think of a woman under the age of 60 who wants to be called "ma'am." And madams run whorehouses...

Madams run whorehouses, but madames don't. EL

How about "Darlin' "? I think that's what I would like servers to call me.

There are lessons here for entertaining at home, too. It's apparent that a host isn't considerate of guests when s/he handles glassware and/or flatware by the "working end," or is wearing enough cologne to choke a horse, or reeks of tobacco smoke. I'm looking forward to reading Part 2.

101. Do not exhibit magic tricks at table. No excuses. Do not do it; not even "the salt cellar out of the customer's ear" trick.
102. No "doo-rags."
103. No humming whilst plating the table. Not even "Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love" for the well-done filet mignon.
104. If your are missing a digit on one hand or the other, wear white gloves.
105. Do not holler back at the kitchen for any reason. Go back there in person and speak in your "six-inch voice."
106. Do not narrate the history your tattoos.
107. Do not talk about "my ex-" anything.
108. Never begin a sentence "At the last place I worked..."
109. Do not fondle the pepper mill. Two or three quick turns and be done with it.
110. If a customer lightly touches you on the arm, smile and slowly pull away and look at the person as if the person were radioactive.
111. Address male customers as "squire" and female customers as "mum" until somebody tells you to stop.
112. When using the crumb scraper, do not say to the customers "Isn't this a neat little tool?" like you are the Sham Wow Guy or something.

It wouldn't work in NY, but in Baltimore, the accepted form of address would be "Hon" (especially if the server is female).

I agree with Chris. I'm good with "hon".

M. Kirk, "ma'am" is perfectly acceptable to address a woman, but you may call a very young woman or girl "miss." I believe Ma'am is a contraction of the French maDAME (accent on the second syllable), and translates to "my lady." MAdam (accent on the first syllable) is a word to describe a woman who runs a bordello, and is vastly different from maDAME.

As a born & raised Baltimoron, I'm okay with "Hon." The term that ALWAYS raises my hackles is "you guys," and I call servers on it every time. It's lazy and disrespectful.

I'm over 50 and don't like to be called Ma'am, but Madame is fine, maybe because it sounds more elegant. However, we're in Baltimore, so "Hon" is just fine!

Adding to Cleatus' list:

113. When a glass of water or anything else is spilled on the table, help the customer wipe it up. Don't come over 5 minutes after you are told about it and after one of the guests and one of the managers clean it up and say that you had to take something out to another customer and that was more important. I don't care how important it was, we had water dripping off the table and onto our laps. The spill was our fault, but that didn't mean the cleaup needed was any less urgent. Wwe did get a $50 gift certificate out of it for our next visit when we complained about her attitude, which continued downhill all night.

114. Know how many guests are at the table. I had my daugher and her friend at a Pizza Hut one night when they were about 7 and 8 years old. The waiter, Joe, wanted to know if the other person in our party wanted anything else. He presumed s/he was in the bathroom. Uh, Joe, this is the end of the meal and you've been to our table 5 or 6 times. Who is this 4th person because it's been just the three of us all night. We started looking under the table, on the ceiling, etc., for our "friend" after he left. Six years later and my daughter still laughs about it and how much fune we had that night.

115. Pay equal attention to all tables. I waitressed way back when and am a very good (20-25%) tipper; I even took into consideration that children's meals cost less but are just as much work when my child was young and increased the tip accordingly. I also tip in cash so it doesn't throw the server's percentages off. Just because I'm a women or it's only 2 of us at the table doesn't mean you won't get a good tip if you actually do your job, pay as much attention to us as the parties with men or 4-6 people in them, etc.

116. Don't roll your eyes, sigh, etc., when we refuse the table beside the bathroom or kitchen or ask for something. I'm the customer, you're the server. I'm paying, so I want a table in a decent location. I should also be able to get more rolls, water, soda, whatever if I want them and if I'm willing to pay for them.

117. Do NOT sit down at our table as you are taking our order. This is why we get carryout from Outback and do not come inside to sit (well, that and the hour or more wait at the Ellicott City location and the constant noise of conversations all around us).

I do agree with the one item about not bad-mouthing the other servers. We had one a few years ago that obviously needed more training or a different job and the people who were helping out and trying to cover for her kept asking us and the other tables to say something to management because she was so bad and they were too afraid to talk to the manager. Hmmmm, interesting dynamics at that place!
Pay equal attention to all tables. I waitressed way back when and am a very good (20-25%) tipper; I even took into consideration that children's meals cost less but are just as much work when my child was young and increased the tip accordingly. I also tip in cash so it doesn't throw the server's percentages off. Just because I'm a women or it's only 2 of us at the table doesn't mean you won't get a good tip if you actually do your job, pay as much attention to us as the parties with men or 4-6 people in them, etc.

Oops, sorry about not editing my comment above better when I moved something so I could number it.

One more for the list:

118. NEVER, EVER ask anyone if they are eligible for the senior citizen discount! They'll let you know if they are or if they want to know the policy.

About tips and change. I rarely go to a restaurant where the bill is small enough to pay cash, but when I do, the server tends to bring my change in denominations that can't be easily left as a tip.

If the bill comes to $9.75 and I give you a twenty, do you really think that bringing me back a $10 bill and a quarter will somehow cause me to leave a 100% tip? My gut reaction is to leave the quarter and a verbal "tip" to anticipate what your customer will do. Bring a 5 and five ones instead of a ten, and save us all some time.

I guess when my favorite waitress at the restaurant where I'm a regular walks up to my table, touches my shoulder and says, "Are we ordering from the senior menu tonight, Babe?" I should be tipping her less. Who knew?

Bob, I think all this is out the window if you know the server and they know you. If you're a senior and the waitress is calling you Babe, you might even want to give her MORE than the usual tip!

Last fall, at a family restaurant in Rehoboth Beach, my friend and I weren't quite ready to order.
Our waitress said, "Ok I am gonna go to the little girl's room and I will be right back to take your order."
O_O

My friend and I were stunned. "TMI" was all we could think of....

CalicoGal, I would have followed her to see if she washed her hands following that diclosure. But, I tend to be a bit germaphobic...

This is a great thread. I second Mar's no. 117--do not sit down at our table. This happened to us once when we were dining with old friends at Viccino's Bistro (and we haven't been back since).

Also--do NOT address me as "Young lady." Only my favorite uncle can get away with that one.

119. This is from an actual 1930s etiquette guide: "Do not work the handkerchief vigorously at table." In fact, such a one should never appear at all unless someone gets punched in the nose or is winged by a stray, flung after-dinner mint.

Madam/Madame? When addressing a female cabinet-level appointee, she is referred to as Madam Secretary. Opinions about the administration of government notwithstanding, few people actually think Cabinet Secretaries run whorehouses. And few Americans would be pretentious enough to say Madame Secretary.

BTW: I think it's a little unfair to blame a well-intentioned server when his/her diction offends someone's sensibilities (assuming the server is being polite, etc)--i think it speaks more to the customer's insecurities than to some faux pas on the server's part.

Having said that, "And for the lady?" sounds demeaning/inappropriate.

Is there anything anymore that isn't offensive to somebody, somewhere?

Is there anything anymore that isn't offensive to somebody, somewhere?

That isn't the point, Bob, that is an excuse to behave badly.

The point is that, in some contexts, some things are offensive. Including the use of "lady" in restaurants because it implies a mute child too stupid to decide, order and speak for themselves.

COMMON COURTESY/ RESPECT for GUEST'S FEELINGS
#1-welcoming guests;
#2-not singling out singletons;
#3-not waiting till every last person is there to seat;
#6-not influencing one's choice of water;
#8-not "interrupt a conversation";
#14-listening
#17-not taking an "empty plate..while others are still eating";
#32-no touching--(even if the girl friend/wife isn't around)
#36-not wearing overpowering perfume or smelling of cigarettes;
#50-not turning on the "charm when it's tip time"

HYGIENE
#12-not touching the top of the glass (btw, you forgot plate) with bare hands

RIDICULOUS
#40--praising a choice implies others are "bad"?;
#42-complimenting one guest implies critique of another?
#46--all guests are equal always? so the waiter should acknowledge everyone's birthday at a birthday celebration?
#48-- Do not ask what someone is eating or drinking when they ask for more; remember or consult the order.

ARBITRARY
#23-suggesting waiters "steam off" a wine label? a simple note with the label info would suffice
#41. assuming every instance of "no problem" is insincere or sarcastic? I think it depends on listening to
the person's actual tone when they say it.

SNOBBERY
#4-assuming we are all familiar with "amuse-bouche" (chef's special free appetizer)
#21--assuming that everyone shares your exact tastes and distastes
#27-assuming we are all familiar with the intricacies of pouring red wines

FAILURE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE HUMANITY OF THE PERSON SERVING YOU
#7- "Do not announce your name"?--WTF!
#9-assuming all waiters are aspiring actors--with sarcastic reference to "soliloquoy" and "audition";
#10- condeming waiters for mentioning their personal favorites
#48-condemning waiters for any lapse in memory

I think the above categories are important, but there is an overall attitude that waiters are a bunch of unclean, smelly, slothful thespians. It is possible to uphold the expectation that a waiter perform their job with professionalism (e.g., using proper hygience, respecting customer's feelings, being careful not to pressure them into choices or improperly influencing
their gratuity) while at the same time treating the waiter with respect as a human being as opposed to your robot.

While I also dislike overly solicitous, chatty, or gregarious waiters, I do not expect them to hang their personalities at the coat rack in order to earn my tip.

Thanks for posting this. Very interesting read, and Part 2 is available:

http://boss.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/05/one-hundred-things-restaurant-staffers-should-never-do-part-2/#comment-19803

The guy won me over with:

58. Do not bring judgment with the ketchup. Or mustard. Or hot sauce. Or whatever condiment is requested.

Careful Bucky, this may resurrect the whole ketchup versus mustard on the hotdog debate.

Trixie, that never occurred to me.

There was a similar discussion on the Washington Post Food page. Including comments from a current waiter on "Patron Responsibilities" which engendered much discussion and heated rebuttals.

There are several chain restaurants, such as Outback, which I do not patronize because of the inordinate wait to get in. I have found that there is no restaurant worth waiting an hour or more for, and the ones that are take reservations and won't make you wait more than a minimal time.