Food super powers
Guest poster Owl Meat has come up with a new game for this week's excellent Funtastic Thursday. I would play but I'm still trying to get past the concept of Owlie watching Gilligan's Island. EL
There was an episode of Gilligan's Island where radioactive seeds washed up on the island. Each vegetable gave one of the castaways a cliché super-power. Gilligan ate spinach and had great strength. Maryanne ate carrots and had super vision. Mrs. Howell ate sugar beets and became a full-on hard-tweakin' crank-head.
Here's a new game. You pick the food and the superpower it would give you or wish it would. It can be any kind of food or beverage. It doesn't have to have any traditional association.
I'll go first: ...
Crouton Man becomes more delicious the older and crustier he gets.
Porchetta gives you the power of flight and continental air superiority.
Jameson's Irish Whiskey makes you smart, coherent and beloved by all.
Necco wafers absolve sin (nod to Yum Porchetta).
Grilled conch erases ex-husbands (nod to Terrier Girl).
Maker's Mark bourbon tames wild owls.
Grilled kielbasa on warm naan with onions and sriracha is an appetite suppressant.
Kimchi Man can find solitude in a crowd.
Tofu Man can walk naked through a hungry mob with complete invisibility. Ditto on Tofurkey Girl.
(Photo credit: Getty Images)
Comments
Tequila gives you the ability to time travel. So that you can remember what happened after drank the tequila.
Posted by: WillClark4HOF | July 9, 2009 12:07 PM
Fear the pig.
Posted by: VoodooPork ■|:o) | July 9, 2009 12:09 PM
Martinis allow you to meet people for the first time over and over.
Posted by: Kelly Brucker | July 9, 2009 12:14 PM
Gilligan's Island was one of the most moronic things ever put on TV. And I'm sure I've seen every episode. I'm sure I could sing the theme song right now. Sadly, I even know that there are two versions. The first one lumped the Professor and Maryanne together as "and the rest". And now the song is in my head.
... a three hour tour, a three hour tour
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | July 9, 2009 12:23 PM
Owlie
The lyrics for Gilligan's Island fit into the tune for Amazing Grace (and vice versa). You can also substitute the tune for House of the Rising Sun (Eric Burden and the Animals version).
Give it a try.
Posted by: jjk | July 9, 2009 12:58 PM
jjk, ouch my brain hurts.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | July 9, 2009 1:01 PM
Gilligan's Island had all sorts of deep symbolic meaning. Each of the characters represented one of the seven deadly sins. Think about it. There are at least a dozen web sites dedicated to this theory.
Posted by: Rev'Ed –|–– | July 9, 2009 1:09 PM
OM, thank you for the double shout out.
B--f S--------f Man causes deep pyschological trauma in his victims, sometime accompanied by nausea and bleeding from the eyeballs.
Posted by: *◄:o)╥╥~YumPorchetta | July 9, 2009 1:13 PM
Poor YumPo. Let the healing begin. The highlight of writing this post was photoshopping the flying pig. Attack!
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | July 9, 2009 1:18 PM
Lifesavers give you the ability to sail across storm-tossed seas and rescue drowning men.
Posted by: Camille Quelquejeu | July 9, 2009 1:29 PM
OM, the flying pig is fabu-- a real babe. Love her.
Posted by: *◄:o)╥╥~YumPorchetta | July 9, 2009 1:40 PM
Stale vending machine sandwiches: the secret of my superpower.
Posted by: Jack Bauer | July 9, 2009 1:54 PM
Oysters on the half shell give you the ability to last twenty-four hours.
Posted by: Lady Chatterley | July 9, 2009 2:12 PM
Margaritas -- the ability to speak a foriegn language you've never learned.
Posted by: Michael A. Gray | July 9, 2009 2:16 PM
How about the Evil Villain?
Asparagus gives you the power of deadly poison urine that smells like rotten asparagus!
Posted by: that's just gross | July 9, 2009 2:16 PM
Skipper - gluttony
Ginger - lust
Mr. Howell - greed
Posted by: Brock Linwood | July 9, 2009 2:46 PM
Tip of my hat to Michael A. Gray. I was contemplating eating tongue to master foreign languages, but I like his idea about Margaritas better! Muchos gracias!
Posted by: Dahlink | July 9, 2009 3:00 PM
Baked beans. The ability to kill living things while leaving the buildings standing.
Posted by: jl | July 9, 2009 3:38 PM
Truffles make money magically disappear from my wallet.
Posted by: ceramic kitty | July 9, 2009 3:52 PM
Miller Lite makes women thinner and more attractive.
Posted by: Dudley Brood | July 9, 2009 3:56 PM
Taleggio: duplicates the smell of feet.
When my wife tells me to put my shoes back on I can say it is not me it is the Taleggio.
Posted by: Robert of Cross Keys | July 9, 2009 4:18 PM
Hmm, this the second week in a row with an airborne pig. Sounds like you're craving something.
Posted by: ~╥╥☺◄TerrierGirl►☺╥╥~ | July 9, 2009 4:47 PM
Dudley Brood--your comment reminds me of an obnoxious t-shirt that said "Party 'til she's cute."
Posted by: Dahlink | July 9, 2009 5:06 PM
Broccoli -- the ability to produce a James Bond movie.
Posted by: Michael A. Gray | July 9, 2009 5:51 PM
Penne pasta -- the ability to read minds. As in " A penne for your thoughts!"
Posted by: Michael A.Gray | July 9, 2009 5:53 PM
Cocoa -- the talent to become a fashion designer. Think of Cocoa Chanel.
Posted by: Michael A. Gray | July 9, 2009 5:55 PM
Go MAG, you're on fire.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | July 9, 2009 6:03 PM
Bacon causes an inexplicably long career despite mild talent (think Kevin), because everybody likes bacon
Posted by: eric hansen | July 9, 2009 6:07 PM
Corn Man: takes a long trip and shows up tomorrow looking just like yesterday (albeit in different surroundings!)
Posted by: Lone Lady | July 9, 2009 6:57 PM
You would think that the Skipper would be gluttony, because he's fat, but not so. He seems to eat normal amounts of food and is not obsessed with food. The Skipper's sin is anger, he's always beating on Gilligan. He has a bad temper.
Gilligan although skinny can be bought with a coconut cream pie. Think about it. Some say he is the devil because it's his island and he wears a red shirt.
Maryanne envies Ginger.
Mrs. Howell has never worked a day in her life.
The professor is a prideful know-it-all.
So, my tally is:
Giiligan – gliuttony
Skipper - anger
Ginger - Lust
Maryanne - envy
Mr. Howell – avarice
Mrs. Howell – sloth
Professor – pride
Who here of a certain age has not fielded the question, "Ginger or Maryanne". Maryanne is almiost always the answer, except for a few pervs who say Mrs. Howell.
Yes, the characters are simplistic, but so is sin. Rather, I would say elemental. They never get off the island because they are in Hell. Moronic or ingenious? Maybe both. It's Dante for slow people.
Posted by: Rev'Ed –|–– | July 9, 2009 7:19 PM
Beer - it gives you the power to make other people more interesting.
Posted by: PCB Rob | July 9, 2009 9:42 PM
I was watching an episode of the Andy Griffith Show the other day, and Alan Hale Jr (skipper) was a guest star. He was more or less playing the same character as the Skipper, right down to calling Barney his Little Buddy. That tells me the Skipper character was largely something that Alan Hale brought with him as oppossed to something a writer just created.
Posted by: Robert of Cross Keys | July 9, 2009 10:04 PM
Mustard and ketchup together on a hotdog gives you the power to end all wars and bring about world peace.
Posted by: Laura Lee | July 9, 2009 10:14 PM
Laura Lee, it appears we need a lot more mustard and ketchup together in the world.
Posted by: Hal Laurent | July 10, 2009 12:05 AM
Great, now I had to look him up on IMDB.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | July 10, 2009 8:10 AM
Cantelope -- the power to force your kids to have a big catered wedding.
Posted by: Michael A. Gray | July 10, 2009 8:23 AM
MAG - I had to read that last one out loud.
Posted by: Eve | July 10, 2009 9:14 AM
Eve - It took me a few times to get that too! Very clever MAG.
Posted by: Trixie | July 10, 2009 9:37 AM
Idaho spuds -- Turns you into a commentator.
Posted by: RayRay | July 13, 2009 3:18 PM
Hmm, not getting it RayRay.
Nacho cheese turns you into a thief.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | July 13, 2009 3:23 PM
Common 'Tater
Posted by: RayRay | July 13, 2009 3:27 PM
Pasteurized Processed Cheese Food - Turns you into a Cheez Whiz.
Posted by: RayRay | July 13, 2009 3:38 PM
Somebody stop RayRay--puleeze!
Posted by: Dahlink | July 13, 2009 5:02 PM
Utz potato chips - Gives you the ability to negotiate arms trade
Posted by: Trixie | July 13, 2009 9:27 PM
Yo, Trixie.
Posted by: Laura Lee | July 14, 2009 11:13 AM