Yes, in hard times you can eat your business cards
I love this Funtastic Thursday guest post from Owl Meat. I have to agree with him, that's the most amazing video ever. I should retire and let him (Owl Meat, not the guy in the video) take over the whole blog. EL
I was looking for new Owl Meat business cards and found this amazing video. He is right – my cards are wretched. They don't even pop up. Still, I wondered if a pop-up $4 business card was the best.
What makes the ultimate business card? Meat and lasers. Welcome to the brave chewy new world of MeatCards.Com. ...
From the over-capitalized jerky merchants:
"We start with 100% beef jerky, and SEAR your contact information into it with a 150 WATT CO2 LASER. Forget about foil, popups, or UV spot lamination. THESE business cards have two ingredients: MEAT AND LASERS.
"Unlike other business cards, MEAT CARDS will retain value after the econopocalypse. Hoard and barter your calorie-rich, life-sustaining cards. MEAT CARDS do not fit in a Rolodex, because their deliciousness CANNOT BE CONTAINED in a Rolodex."
What other food can you read? Alpha Bits. Alphabet soup. Candy message hearts. M&Ms will print a message or, gasp, someone's photo on them. What about creepy birthday cakes with someone's face painted in icing?
Can you think of other non-food uses of food? Macaroni art – remember fusilli Jerry? Someone in Little Italy uses spaghetti as Christmas tree tinsel. There is intriguing Japanese hot dog art.
Sometimes food is not just a medium, it's the message, and a medium well done is rare.
(Photo courtesy of MeatCards.com)
Comments
Who can identify the name on the card?
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 14, 2009 12:24 PM
American Psyco...I tried calling him but his muic was too loud...
Posted by: bob | May 14, 2009 12:44 PM
American Psycho
Posted by: RayRay | May 14, 2009 12:45 PM
Retirement is not allowed. A court jester needs a queen.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 14, 2009 12:47 PM
How funny is it to see Patrick Bateman's card on flesh? Creeeeeepy. I've got to go return some video tapes now.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 14, 2009 1:02 PM
Gal pal Kiki told me that the Sun's main Twitter feed sent this out minutes ago:
The latest for the carnivorous executive: a business card made out of meat. http://tr.im/llBa
That goes to 4200 people on Twitter. Plus the 3 people that follow me on Twitter.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 14, 2009 1:11 PM
"Can you think of other non-food uses of food?"
I'm not touching that one with a 10-foot maypole.
Posted by: Laura Lee | May 14, 2009 1:11 PM
I must have them.
Posted by: Brian | May 14, 2009 1:11 PM
I need to return some video tapes
Posted by: Sparky | May 14, 2009 1:24 PM
Why Laura Lee, even my depraved mind didn't go there.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 14, 2009 1:29 PM
I have too meet Cliff Huxtable at the Four Seasons in 20 minutes.
Posted by: Patrick Bateman | May 14, 2009 1:31 PM
Summer is icumen in, Laura Lee.
Posted by: Lissa | May 14, 2009 1:32 PM
Laura Lee, I, too, thought of 9 1/2 Weeks.
Posted by: *◄:o)Yum~ | May 14, 2009 2:23 PM
It was worth the wait, Owlie. (And, I might add, I've never been a tweet, so TPTB must agree.)
On the subject of other uses for food: Granny Bucky taught me the way to wash windows was to use vinegar and newspaper. That came up in conversation once and somebody else said their Granny taught them to use dried cantaloupe...what are those called?...skins, rinds...you know, the part you don't eat. It makes for the cleanest windows you've ever seen. Almost like a chamois cloth.
Posted by: Bucky | May 14, 2009 2:34 PM
Dried cantaloupe rinds? You use the outside part? With vinegar? That's really new to me.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 14, 2009 3:08 PM
So someone's job at the Sun is to read the web site and send out tweets?
Posted by: Dr. Acula | May 14, 2009 3:17 PM
EL, did you actually READ Sparky's post? Not exactly G-Rated, or Even PG-13...
Im not big on censorship, but I thought this was a clean area?
Thanks. I tried but it was too boring. It's gone now. EL
Posted by: um | May 14, 2009 4:03 PM
I thought this was a clean area?
Can't be. They let me in.
Posted by: Lissa | May 14, 2009 5:30 PM
Nice reference bob. BTW welcome to the League of Roberts. I saw the movie only once with a friend at the Charles on Easter Sunday. We were the only ones who got some of the humor, which made us look a little demented. I still think of feeding my ATM a cat once in a while. Say bob, maybe you want to juice up your name a little to distinguish yourself from other ordinary bobs? Just a thought.
For the unitiated there is a scene in American Psycho where a group of 1980s Wall St dirtbags sit around comapring the whiteness and quality of their business cards. Funny
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 14, 2009 6:07 PM
Yes this is a relatively clean zone, with the exception of metaphor and innuendo, The video I linked to actually says, "Your business cards are crap!" but didn't think "crap" would be appreciated by editors. It is interesting that the ladies immediately went to a different place than my mind for non-nutritrive uses of food.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 14, 2009 6:19 PM
Here is the business card scene from American Psycho. Totally SFW.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 14, 2009 6:29 PM
OK, I got home and could watch the video. What a dope. It took him 25 years to design that business card? Pretty slow. I'd want my crowds built more quickly than that.
Next!
The best business card I ever saw: a black velvety kind of paper stock with white ink. It said (can't remember exact name and number, but you get the idea):
"D. Fontanella
Debt Collector
(303) 555-1212"
No joke. I never met Mr. Fontanella, but I was led to believe he was very good at his job.
Posted by: Bucky | May 14, 2009 7:29 PM
"It can't fit in a rolodex because it doesn't belong in a rolodex" may be the best line I heard all year.
I've been waiting to watch this video all day, but I try and not view the video clips while at work. It was worth the wait. Well done, Owlie, well done.
Posted by: Robert of Cross Keys | May 14, 2009 8:24 PM
I love that video. I think he actually made it himself to display his awesomeness. Can anyone tell what the song is that starts playing toward the end?
YOUR BUSINESS CARD IS CRAP!
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 14, 2009 9:45 PM
I just saw this on Twitter from MeatCards who 5000:
meatcards: Baltimore Sun WINS: "Sometimes food is not just a medium, it's the message, and a medium well done is rare." http://bit.ly/VScCN
Some day you will grow up and accidentally write ad copy for meat cards. Living the dream.
I told you it was a great line. EL
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 15, 2009 3:17 PM
Cool. That last line was great. Where did you get it from?
Posted by: new sneakers | May 15, 2009 3:38 PM
From Twitter:
meatcards: That "a medium well done is rare" article in the Baltimore Sun was written by @uberswarm. He's closing in on 100% Pun Density: AWESOME.
100% pun density, that's funny. I'm sure Marshall McLuhan would be proud of the legacy of his words.
Yes, but did he link to the blog? EL
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 15, 2009 3:48 PM
Where did you get it from?
From inside my head of course, It's a carnival in there.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 15, 2009 5:58 PM
OMG
Why not try to wrangle an invite (undercover ) to the Marmalade estate for a weekend of carnival with the beasts and bunnies and perhaps a chance meet up with your beloved Snickers? LM seems like the sort that would abduct an innocent pony.
Posted by: LEC | May 15, 2009 8:02 PM
LEC, ewwwwwww........ Snickers was never innocent. I bought him from a Mexican carnival. You don't want to know.p
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 15, 2009 9:01 PM
Where do you find this stuff? I just saw this on Attack of the Show. You scooped them
Posted by: kj | May 16, 2009 8:25 AM
All the more reason to check out the Marmalade manor!
Posted by: LEC | May 16, 2009 9:43 AM
Given what usually happens when someone hands me a business card there have to be several untapped Tartar jokes here.
Posted by: MD Canon (On one last Trip to Garrett County) | May 16, 2009 10:59 PM
MD Canon, wouldn't you need fish jerky business cards for Tartar jokes?
Posted by: Lissa | May 17, 2009 8:31 AM
Perhaps a business card made out of Salt Cod.
Posted by: Robert of Cross Keys | May 17, 2009 10:34 AM
MD Canon (On one last Trip to Garrett County)
Why one last trip? Has Garrett County been ex-communicated?
Posted by: Eve - late for church | May 17, 2009 10:45 AM
I have no idea what happens when people give you business cards. Tartar sauce or Tartars? Confused.
Maybe we can get fruit rollup cards for vegans. Cracker cards are doable.
Ever see the Hello Kitty toaster? Now wouldn't that cheer you up on those damp mornings, EL?
http://www.amazon.com/Hello-Kitty-Toaster-KT5211/dp/B00021HBU4
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 17, 2009 11:28 AM
Does the Hello Kitty toaster play the Hello Kitty theme? That would be almost as good as MY Mickey Mouse toaster. Not only does it have a color picture of Mickey on each side of the toaster itself, but it ALSO toasts an image of Mickey's face and ears on each slice of bread, AND it jauntily regales me with the Mickey Mouse Theme Song whenever the toast pops up.
Posted by: YumPorchetta*◄:o)╥╥~ | May 17, 2009 4:02 PM
Oh YumPo I am so jealous. A musical image-burning toaster? Delightful.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | May 17, 2009 7:06 PM
If my toaster sung to me, the first thing I'd do, after cutting the power, would be to check what was in my vitamin pills.
Posted by: Lissa | May 17, 2009 7:09 PM
Eve ... it's not about them, it's about me. News later this week.
Posted by: MD Canon | May 17, 2009 10:51 PM
Yes, and wonderful child that I am, I bought one for my mother for Mother's Day. I needed to Share the Joy.
Posted by: *◄:o)Yum~YumPorchetta | May 18, 2009 11:25 AM
Just as I get close to perfecting my flan business card, I get shoved into the vortex of obscurity by the meat card. Sigh. Well, there's always my bubble gum filled meatballs.
Posted by: RayRay | May 18, 2009 1:54 PM
We live in a world beset on all sides with mysteries and riddles.
Posted by: Tristram Shandy | September 3, 2009 4:11 AM