Welcome to the Bailout Cafe
Hi! I'm Elizabeth, your server! I'll be taking care of you today! Owl Meat is at his entertaining best with today's Funtastic Thursday guest post. EL
Welcome to the Bailout Cafe. Here are today's specials:
The Warren Buffet – An unlimited wealth of victuals but about 50 percent smaller than last year.
The Chuck Wagon Executive Bonus Lunch – If you blew your lunch money on strippers, scratch-offs and Bolivian marching powder futures, just order anything you want and it's on us! After we bring it to your table, manager Chuck Grassley will offer you two choices: Give it back or commit ritual suicide. If that doesn't appeal to you, manager Chuck Schumer will just take it off your plate and charge you for the grease stain. Then the Chucks will give you atomic wedgies and ride you out of the café like donkeys. ...
The Bernie Madoff Sandwich – You supply your own bread, lettuce and cheddar then we stuff it full of bologna and put it in the window to attract other customers. Tell all your friends! Warning: Not kosher, but that should be obvious, right?
The Dow Jonestown Massacre – Scrambled eggs, scrapple and a soupçon of arbitrageur tears.
The AIG McMuffin – Too big to eat it, difficult to swallow, and keeps coming back up. Open wide.
The Suze Orman Empowerment Pocket – American cheese in a pita with sprouts. This item screams economical.
The Timothy Geitner Surprise – Lime green Jell-O salad with marshmallows, chunks of Spam, and broken light bulbs. What? You don't want to eat it? Tough, you ordered it.
The Benjamins Bernanke Nachos – Special discount this week. Throw your Benjamins at the wall and see what sticks. Do a shot of tequila. Repeat until everything looks all pretty and fuzzy. What's the discount rate? It doesn't matter, just shut up and drink.
CNBC Sundae – Rocky Road topped with refried nuggets from dubious sources. I scream, you scream, we all just scream.
Maria Bartiromo – A half-baked tart served in a shallow dish drizzled with Money Honey.
NASDAQiri – It's easily shaken and goes down fast.
The Raging Red Bear – An exhilarating cocktail of Red Bull, absinthe, habanero juice and spider venom that will take you on a hallucinatory roller coaster ride leaving you dizzy, broke and slightly Marxist.
Jim Cramer Frappuccino – Extra foamy with a bitter aftertaste. Three levels of foamentation – frothy, grand mal and Old Yeller.
Knight in White Satan – In honor of financier Sir Robert Allen Stanford, the first American to be knighted by the nation of Antigua and Barbuda. An exquisite melange of the finest Barbudian rums and fresh squeezed tropical fruit juices. Naaaahhhhhh, it's just dish water and grenadine. LOL, suckers!
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