Let them eat chocolate...with hemp seeds
Yesterday I was told to go eat some chocolate. Funny you should say that. I actually fell for the sample routine yesterday and bought a Vosges Woolloomoloo Bar. I can't believe what a sucker I was.
One of the three stores where I was doing my coming-home-from-a-trip shop had bite-size blind samples of what I could tell were high-quality chocolate bars. I tried three different ones. The first two were -- I can think of no other way to describe them -- mildly unpleasant. ...
The third was so good in comparison, I bought a bar of it. I was in a rush, and it wasn't until I got home that I realized I had paid $7.99 for 3 ounces of chocolate.
I ask the salesperson who was putting out the samples what they were, and the three flavors were mushroom, green tea and hemp.
Guess which one I bought.
Actually, I've had Kirchmayr's chocolate with green tea and it's quite good. I don't know why this one didn't work for me. The bar I bought was milk chocolate with roasted and salted macadamia nuts, Indonesian coconut and hemp seeds.
Not to worry. The only buzz I got was the little voice that kept saying, "$7.99, $7.99" in my head.
There are actually directions on the back of the bar on how to enjoy an exotic candy bar using all five senses. I won't bore you with all five, but here's an example: "Break the bar in two pieces. Hear a crisp, ringing pop, which indicates a well-tempered bar of chocolate. You will hear the loudest snap with dark chocolate, a soft break with milk, and a faint whisper with white."
Unfortunately the "$7.99, $7.99" voice drowned out the snap when I tried it.
Anyway, this is the first chocolate bar I've ever had that suggests it will "provide softer skin, stronger nails and thicker hair. Shine inside and out." There is a disclaimer: "None of these statements have been evaluated by the FDA."
I bet not.
I haven't eaten any of the chocolate yet. But maybe I wouldn't be being so snippy if I had.
Comments
LOL $7.99: some PR flack earned that fee, many times over; all five senses, indeed. It's probably really Hershey's with a tarted up label.
Posted by: Robert (the Single One) | February 9, 2009 8:51 AM
"Break the bar in two pieces. Hear a distant cackle, which indicates our store representatives laughing at having suckered you into buying an eight-dollar candy bar."
Hee hee! I'm just kidding Elizabeth. However, I vaguely remember picking up one of these fancy chocolate bars and taking a big bite out of it -- only to realize it was the worst piece of chocolate I'd ever eaten. Even though I spit it out, the taste stuck with me for far too long. Terribly peeved, I was.
Posted by: Sam Sessa | February 9, 2009 9:48 AM
i love these bars...despite the 7.99 they are very rich and not to be devoured at once...
i dont mind treating myself to them.
personal fave..the bacon bar.
Posted by: Meg | February 9, 2009 1:19 PM
Meg:
As soon as I saw the picture I recognized the brand, because someone bought me the bacon-chocolate bar. Not to impugn your tastes but I thought it was rather foul. The smell alone reminded me of dirty socks. Gack.
I'm much more a fan of Dagoba, as "premium" chocolate bars go. I prefer fruit and flowers in my chocolate more than meat or fungi. Just my two cents, I guess, but I feel like a lot of these companies just make bizarre combinations of stuff to see if people will actually buy it.
Posted by: TwoToedSloth | February 9, 2009 5:37 PM