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February 9, 2009

Let them eat chocolate...with hemp seeds



Yesterday I was told to go eat some chocolate. Funny you should say that. I actually fell for the sample routine yesterday and bought a Vosges Woolloomoloo Bar. I can't believe what a sucker I was.

One of the three stores where I was doing my coming-home-from-a-trip shop had bite-size blind samples of what I could tell were high-quality chocolate bars. I tried three different ones. The first two were -- I can think of no other way to describe them -- mildly unpleasant. ...

The third was so good in comparison, I bought a bar of it. I was in a rush, and it wasn't until I got home that I realized I had paid $7.99 for 3 ounces of chocolate.

I ask the salesperson who was putting out the samples what they were, and the three flavors were mushroom, green tea and hemp.

Guess which one I bought.

Actually, I've had Kirchmayr's chocolate with green tea and it's quite good. I don't know why this one didn't work for me. The bar I bought was milk chocolate with roasted and salted macadamia nuts, Indonesian coconut and hemp seeds.

Not to worry. The only buzz I got was the little voice that kept saying, "$7.99, $7.99" in my head.

There are actually directions on the back of the bar on how to enjoy an exotic candy bar using all five senses. I won't bore you with all five, but here's an example: "Break the bar in two pieces. Hear a crisp, ringing pop, which indicates a well-tempered bar of chocolate. You will hear the loudest snap with dark chocolate, a soft break with milk, and a faint whisper with white."

Unfortunately the "$7.99, $7.99" voice drowned out the snap when I tried it.

Anyway, this is the first chocolate bar I've ever had that suggests it will "provide softer skin, stronger nails and thicker hair. Shine inside and out." There is a disclaimer: "None of these statements have been evaluated by the FDA."

I bet not.

I haven't eaten any of the chocolate yet. But maybe I wouldn't be being so snippy if I had.


Posted by Elizabeth Large at 7:19 AM | | Comments (4)


LOL $7.99: some PR flack earned that fee, many times over; all five senses, indeed. It's probably really Hershey's with a tarted up label.

"Break the bar in two pieces. Hear a distant cackle, which indicates our store representatives laughing at having suckered you into buying an eight-dollar candy bar."

Hee hee! I'm just kidding Elizabeth. However, I vaguely remember picking up one of these fancy chocolate bars and taking a big bite out of it -- only to realize it was the worst piece of chocolate I'd ever eaten. Even though I spit it out, the taste stuck with me for far too long. Terribly peeved, I was.

i love these bars...despite the 7.99 they are very rich and not to be devoured at once...
i dont mind treating myself to them.

personal fave..the bacon bar.


As soon as I saw the picture I recognized the brand, because someone bought me the bacon-chocolate bar. Not to impugn your tastes but I thought it was rather foul. The smell alone reminded me of dirty socks. Gack.

I'm much more a fan of Dagoba, as "premium" chocolate bars go. I prefer fruit and flowers in my chocolate more than meat or fungi. Just my two cents, I guess, but I feel like a lot of these companies just make bizarre combinations of stuff to see if people will actually buy it.

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About this blog
Richard Gorelick was appointed The Baltimore Sun's restaurant critic in September 2010. Before joining the paper staff fulltime, he contributed freelance criticism and features articles about food to area and regional publications. Along the way, he dispatched for short-distance trucking companies, shilled for cultural non-profits, and assisted in cognitive neurology research – never the subject, always the control.

He takes restaurants seriously but not himself, and his favorite restaurant is the one you love, too.

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