The Australian toast stealer
The toasters in my hotel's breakfast room are incredibly slow, so I always put in a couple of slices of bread when I walk in, then gather butter, jam, a cup of tea and so on while I wait. Then I go back and stand by the toaster another 10 minutes until they're done.
Today while I was standing there an Australian came up and put two slices in the other toaster. I wandered off, and when I came back I saw he had taken MY TOAST.
He was at another table getting eggs, so I went up to him and said, "HEY, you took my toast." ...
He turned, looked sheepish and said, "Oh, I thought it had been abandoned [no, you didn't], but there are two pieces in the other toaster. Or, er,would you like these?"
Er, no.
So five minutes later I'm still standing there waiting for his toast to get done, and another Australian comes up to me.
"Those are the slowest toasters in the world," he said, I thought by way of apology.
"I'm going to kill your friend," I told him.
While I was eating breakfast I realized the two Australians were sitting at different tables with different people, so afterwards I got up to apologize to the second Australian.
"I thought you were a friend of the guy who stole my toast," I explained.
He laughed. "I sort of wondered at your response," he said, "but I thought maybe it was a level of profundity that was simply beyond me."
So now I like Australians again.
(As for the photo, I figure you would rather see a random street scene of Buenos Aires than my hotel's toasters.)
Comments
I would rather see the toasters.
When I lived in BA I was fascinated with their obsession for toast. It was the most toast-centric place I have ever been. Given their love of toasting everything, the slow toasters are clearly a hate crime against foreigners.
Posted by: Owl Meat Guide | December 30, 2008 9:09 AM
No comment.
Posted by: jl | December 30, 2008 10:54 AM
Dear Leader must be drunk with blog-power to get all badass on some Aussies over toast.
Heed the words of the Most Dear Leader:
“I want to apologize and it will never be allowed to happen again.”
-- Kim Jong Il
Don't let toast be your Armegeddon. I am a little shocked that you would think all Australians know each other -- an egregious case of hemispherism if ever there was one.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Posted by: Owl Meat GuapoMozo | December 30, 2008 11:41 AM
Dear Leader must be drunk with blog-power to get all badass on some Aussies over toast.
I do believe that EL has mentioned her Toast-Love here before. We may not have realized the magnitude of it.
Posted by: Eve | December 30, 2008 12:14 PM
My father-in-law, who is always a sucker for an overpriced gadget, bout a VERY expensive British toaster at an upscale kitchen-goods chain. It was slow and didn't toast very well. When he took it back, they told him that it worked better after the first half-dozen slices of toast had warmed it up. I presume those are the slices that Queen Elizabeth dispenses to her Yorkies as she wait for her toaster to finally begin to work... I never really thought about it, but perhaps it's hard to beat good old American toast? ;-)
Posted by: Baltofoodie | December 30, 2008 3:26 PM
Baltofoodie wrote: "...they told him that it worked better after the first half-dozen slices of toast had warmed it up."
So does a blowtorch, but I wouldn't use it to make toast. Crème Brulée maybe. But not toast.
Posted by: Retired in Elkridge | December 30, 2008 5:04 PM
Corgis not Yorkies.
Know your terriers.
I never understood toast. Why would anyone ruin a perfectly good piece of bread. Warm yes. Charred and dried out? Absurd.
Posted by: terrier mom | December 30, 2008 5:41 PM
Ah, but there are so many levels between warm and charred, just as bacon can be cooked to various levels of crispness, depending on one's preference. My problem with most hotel toasters is that, as mentioned above, they are s-l-o-w. I prefer having a toasted bagel or english muffin and they usually take two cycles, compounding the waiting time.
Posted by: Retired in Elkridge | December 30, 2008 9:25 PM
Corgis are terriers? I'm a big dog person. I don't like to bend over to pet dogs. I don't want to carry one.
Posted by: Eve | December 30, 2008 9:53 PM
Pembroke Welsh Corgis (QE II's dogs) aren't terriers, at least by American (AKC) and British (KC) standards. AKC classifies them in the Herding Group, while the KC classifies them in the Pastoral Group. (Terriers are a separate group for both AKC and the KC.)
Posted by: hmpstd | December 31, 2008 6:17 AM
Corgis are religious? Hmmm
Posted by: Trixie | December 31, 2008 8:28 AM
Corgis are religious?
A lot of corgis have that white-at-the-throat that I've always thought was their undershirts but could be the clerical collar.
Posted by: Eve | December 31, 2008 9:51 AM
I agree with you, RiE. I've also just started automatically ordering my toast (especially english muffins and rye) just to be toasted twice whenever I go out. I actually like make my toast at home in the oven under the broiler. I got used to doing it when I was toaster-less and now it's a habit.
EL - I know how you felt. I felt that way when I started my microwave meal in the work cafeteria. It is the SLOWEST in the world. I ran around gathering my plasticware, napkins and purchasing my drink in anticipation of coming back to my hot lunch only to find that someone "bumped" my lunch to the top of the microwave in order to nuke theirs. I was seething!
Posted by: Joyce W. | December 31, 2008 10:12 AM
January 26 is Australia Day.
Whiz-inator and I decided that on 1/26, we're going over to the breakfast room at the hotel next door and steal the toast of some people who aren't paying attention. And we're going to talk like Aussies.
Now, if everyone would just engage their e-mail contacts across the country, we could turn this into a nationwide dining trend for 2009.
Posted by: Bucky | December 31, 2008 12:26 PM