'Tis the season: The holiday pot luck
There ought to be a law against making someone post a photo this ugly this early in the morning the day after Thanksgiving.
Ah, yes, the holiday pot luck. Certainly one of my favorite events of the year. And Bucky tells us exactly why.
Mr. McIntyre, Bucky made me put that headline on his guest post. EL
'Tis the Season
Thanksgiving is over. Time to start planning your office Holiday Pot Luck. And, unlike other office pot lucks held throughout the year, at THIS one, you also get to bring a gift.
I’ve worked for six different employers in my adult life and, at all of them, we had office pot lucks. What I’ve found is that all office pot lucks are pretty much the same:
One person—the “pot-luck coordinator”—goes to a lot of trouble to circulate a sign-up sheet for people to record what they are going to bring, assigning different groups of employees different categories, like “main dish” or “salad” or “dessert.” About 80 percent of the people who will ultimately attend the pot luck dutifully sign up to bring something in their assigned category. About half of THOSE people will then bring dessert, no matter what their assigned category was.
Managers will ignore the sign-up sheet and the pot-luck coordinator will assign them to bring things like “plates” or “plastic ware” or “napkins.”
Roughly 60 percent of managers will bring desserts instead.
A couple of managers—the ones who aspire to be vice-president some day—will bring the assigned plates or plastic ware or napkins, because they are young, eager and under the mistaken impression that you rise to the top of a business enterprise by being a team player.
Ha Ha Ha. You don’t, of course.
You rise to the highest levels of American business by making and following your own rules, not by following the ones established by the pot-luck coordinator. Do you think that when the Berkshire Hathaway pot-luck coordinator assigns Warren Buffett to bring plastic ware to the pot luck, that’s what he does? Hell, no. Warren might go out and buy a plastics company. But then he brings dessert to the pot luck.
On the day of the pot luck, everyone will bring their dishes to work with them and, because hardly anybody ever has a breakfast pot luck, all the food needs to be kept either hot or cold until noontime. (I say “hardly ever” because I know of one office breakfast pot luck and my friend Jerry brought the best pot-luck dish I’ve ever heard of. He brought cold pizza, ordered the night before, to the breakfast pot luck. THAT was a stroke of genius.)
But, back to the warm/cold thing. No office I’ve ever worked in has been equipped with enough refrigerators or enough unused electrical outlets to keep an entire pot-luck spread at the proper temperature for an entire morning. So by the time the pot luck starts, most of the food is at room temperature, which is OK for all the people who went to the grocery store before work and bought dessert in the bakery. But for people who actually made their pot-luck dishes, room temperature is never the right temperature. So, pot-luck food usually sucks.
Pot-luck main dishes might suck anyway, regardless of temperature, because nearly all pot-luck dishes are...how do I describe this?...they are “cheese and something.” Nobody ever brings a nice standing rib roast, medium-rare, to an office pot luck. They bring “cheese and something” dishes which, even at the right temperature, are barely tolerable.
Mmmm, I say.
If it’s a Holiday Pot Luck, you also get to bring a gift. The gifts for Holiday Pot Lucks fall into one of two theme categories: Secret Santa or White Elephant.
If it’s a Secret Santa theme, you draw a name a couple of weeks beforehand and then you go buy a thoughtful, personal gift for the co-worker whose name you drew. This is almost always a thoughtful, personal coffee mug, candle or tree ornament.
If it is a White Elephant theme, you bring a gift that you just have laying around the house. Like a coffee mug, candle or tree ornament.
Well, except for that one employee who, of course, wraps up a dessert they bought in the grocery store bakery before work, using a big sheet of paper—the 1-inch by 14-inch size—from the bottom tray in the copy machine.
Yes, Virginia…this jolly old elf from Colorado says, “‘Tis time to ring in another Holiday Pot-Luck Season. God bless us, everyone.”
(Photo courtesy of Uncle Larry's Photo Gallery)
Comments
Tsk.
Posted by: John McIntyre | November 28, 2008 8:18 AM
Library pot lucks tend to be better than this. I used to work for a director who was a gourmet cook and a hunter (some staff were a bit put out by him hunting ducks on lunch break, then cleaning them in the staff break area, until they ate them). Potlucks at that library generally went as follows;
Fred (the director) would bring enough food to feed the entire library and all the ladies who worked at township hall (never, ever neglect secretaries or janitorial staff). This would be stuff like duck breast a l'orange, venison tenderloin, elk curry, etc. Francis would bring her potato salad. The rest of us brought random things we'd cooked from scratch, except one or two pages, who'd bring Doritos. Usually about 20-30% were desserts.
The library had enough warmers with sterno for a rather large buffet, and we'd have coolers with ice for the stuff that needed to stay cool. Slow cookers were also common.
At food time, all would be assembled, reheated, etc. We'd gorge. Then the ladies would come over from township hall, and they'd gorge as Fred listened to them gossip about their bosses. Then we'd eat some more. When the cleaning staff came in (early, they weren't stupid), they'd gorge. Then we'd clean up (the cleaning staff were usually in a stupor by then).
We didn't get paid well (no public library staff do), but, man, we ate well! I hate mandatory work parties, but I miss the pot lucks at that library.
Posted by: Lissa | November 28, 2008 9:07 AM
That picture makes me sick to my stomach. Barbaric. I liked the nice pictures of your pies (probably mostly vegan!), why don't you be honest with yourselves and have a nice photo essay on your turkey including when he is slaughtered. I would have more respect for meaters if they they embraced the whole process rather than the magical version where meat just appears on a plate. People made fun of Sara Palin for standing in front of a turkey killing machine, but she is brave in her embracement of the whole killing process.
I have been to many different Thanksgiving dinners and not once has anyone thanked the turkey for giving his life. You should. His spirit will be honered.
Posted by: balto vegan | November 28, 2008 10:00 AM
Yo, Bucky, great essay. Next year, perhaps you'll explore the physics behind preparing an 18-pound bird for 12 people and ending up with 22 pounds of leftover turkey.
By the way, about the pic: did you carve that turkey or did you explode it from inside? If the latter, how? I'd like to try that next year.
Posted by: jl | November 28, 2008 10:59 AM
Um, looks like the best part of the turkey sill hasnt been butchered, I hope this wasn't supposed to be a "finished" bird?
Posted by: me | November 28, 2008 11:37 AM
Bucky, what story did you make up this year for the "what are you thankful for?" session?
Posted by: Hal Laurent, VoR | November 28, 2008 11:39 AM
Bucky,
Yes, how did Uncle Larry get the turkey in such a state. It does look exploded.
Good story too, very entertaining!
Posted by: PCB Rob | November 28, 2008 12:30 PM
Balto Vegan - sorry to offend. If we had already had our Holiday Pot Luck, the art would have been of a cheese-and-something hotdish. Unfortunately I was forced to go with the "Thanksgiving is over" theme. (For what it's worth I don't labor under the impression that meat magically appears on the plate. Often in my own particular life, I've known the name of the turkey I was eating.)
jl & Rob - This was the first Thanksgiving in their two-year marriage that Mr. & Mrs. Bucky, Jr. have hosted Thanksgiving dinner and, likewise, this was the first turkey he has ever carved. My son approaches every task he undertakes with total commitment and enthusiasm. (The platter of turkey that went to the table was exceedingly appetizing, by the way.)
Hal - It was the perfect capstone to this year when I discovered the Sandbox.
I am thankful that my Uncle Larry, who had been very depressed since the untimely death of Aunt Lucy, has learned to use the digital camera and little photo printer that all of us kids got him for Christmas last year and has become a semi-accomplished amateur photographer. That has given his life a renewed purpose, gotten him out of the house and back into the Colorado outdoors that he has loved so much over his lifetime and he has even had a couple of his photos published online and gotten photo credits for them.
The Whiz-inator even managed a respectable "holding back of tears."
I hope everyone remembers that Uncle Larry was originally Gailor's invention. EL
Posted by: Bucky | November 28, 2008 1:35 PM
I'm sorry, balto vegan, but you've never dinned with me. I thank every part of my meal, animal or vegetable, for providing me with sustenance.
But that’s because I’m an aging hippy and a closet tree hugger.
Posted by: Rosebud | November 28, 2008 2:19 PM
I must have missed that post where Gailor invented Uncle Larry.
Bucky however, has brought this mythical character to life.
Posted by: PCB Rob | November 28, 2008 2:38 PM
EL wrote: I hope everyone remembers that Uncle Larry was originally Gailor's invention. EL
And I will be forever in her debt. Because I'm not sharing any of the royalties.
Posted by: Bucky | November 28, 2008 3:29 PM
Balto Vegan: I've been a vegetarian for more than 40 years and I find you an embarassment. Do you - or any other fundamentalist, for that matter - honestly believe that spewing venom will win converts. Take your ugliness someplace else.
Posted by: Eve | November 28, 2008 4:08 PM
balto vegan -- the 2008 Ig Nobel Peace Prize was recently awarded to the Swiss people for adopting the legal principle that plants have dignity.
If you will henceforth refrain from commenting on what we carnivores do to the poor turkey, we will henceforth refrain from commenting on what you do to the poor soybean.
Posted by: hmpstd | November 28, 2008 5:35 PM
I, too, know where the meat on my plate comes from, having had an uncle who owned a chicken farm back when the chickens were killed by hand. Also saw many animals slaughtered while in Turkey, especially for the "Sacrificial Holiday" (Kurban Bayram) which honors and remembers Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his own son until G-d provided the sacrificial animal. The free-range organically-raised turkey whose sacrifice provided the centerpiece to my Thanksgiving Dinner was and is appreciated, and in some cultures, I believe, eating some of the flesh allows the animal to live on within you.
Posted by: Retired in Elkridge | November 28, 2008 5:36 PM
hmpstd - I don't know what you do for a living, but the next time I get arrested, I want you on my defense team.
Posted by: Bucky | November 28, 2008 6:56 PM
ATTN VEGAN FROM A MEATER
There"s the story of the visitor at the farmers house and he notices a three legged pig, his curiosty gets the best of him and he asks the farmer what happened to the pig.
The farmer explains "He's a special pig, once I was plowing the field and the tractor rolled over and pinned me to the ground, and that pig ran to the house and raised a ruckus and led my wife to where I was trapped and that saved my life. Another time the whole family was asleep and a fire started in the kitchen and the pig made so much noise he woke us up and saved our lives."
"Well how did he lose his leg ?"t he visitor asked.
"A special pig like that you don't eat all at once" exclaimed the farmer!!!
Posted by: Hue | November 28, 2008 8:19 PM
Bucky: the next time?
Do you make it a habit to get arrested?
Posted by: Cosmo Girl | November 28, 2008 9:04 PM
Bucky,
but the next time I get arrested
so you are a wild and crazy guy, no?
I thought you were like me, our wild days long behind us. Never got arrested but man, did my buds and I have a good time.
Posted by: PCB Rob | November 28, 2008 10:12 PM
Rob & Cosmo - I, of course, should have said, "if I get arrested." I don't plan to.
Posted by: Bucky | November 29, 2008 8:05 AM
Bucky said "I, of course, should have said, "if I get arrested." I don't plan to."
My stream of consciousness said "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."
Posted by: Retired in Elkridge | November 29, 2008 1:14 PM
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."
Is that Monty Python?
Posted by: Eve | November 29, 2008 3:10 PM
Yup.
Posted by: Retired in Elkridge | November 29, 2008 5:39 PM
Yes, Eve, one of their more famous skits.
"Bring out...the comfy chair!"
Posted by: Lissa | November 29, 2008 5:49 PM
Long, long ago, in the state in which I originated, Monty Python came on at 1 a.m. on PBS, which meant poor recption. We used to drag into work on Monday morning. (VCRs were not even a glimmer in those days)
Many years later, about the time that my son had declared us terminally old and out of it, he discovered Monty Python. The boy was stunned to learn that we'd known about them for decades and could, with very little prodding, break into entire bits.
Posted by: Eve | November 30, 2008 4:29 PM
While we're discussing ancient, timeless humour here, any Tom Lehrer fans here? How about Anna Russell?
Posted by: Lissa | November 30, 2008 5:55 PM
Lissa -- I like both Tom Lehrer and Anna Russell (the latter's analysis of Wagner's Der Ring des Nibelungen is especially good).
Posted by: hmpstd | November 30, 2008 6:23 PM
Oh, Anna Russell. She did the Ring in 30 minutes (and got it all in.) It took Wagner about 18 1/2 hours, over 4 days. Always buy the Anna Russell ticket. By the last time I saw her, live, I could pretty much recite lines with her. BTW, the CD version is just as funny.
Posted by: Robert (the Single One) | November 30, 2008 7:03 PM
I love Tom Lehrer, although for some reason I don't have any of his albums. I should probably correct that.
Posted by: Hal Laurent, VoR | November 30, 2008 7:10 PM
I have heard from a reliable source that Tom Lehrer, while serving in the military, was one of the first to figure out how to make alcoholic Jell-Oᵗᵐ. He would bring it in for office parties, carrying it right past the Marine sentries.
Posted by: Retired in Elkridge | November 30, 2008 9:32 PM