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October 30, 2008

Sarah Palin's Halloween party

masks.bmp

 

Although Owl Meat didn't know it at the time, my daughter went to a Halloween party last night as...Sarah Palin!!!! Amazing coincidence!!!!

Here's the Owl Man with a very topical Funtastic Thursday.

If anyone wants to riff on Obama's Halloween party, just post below. And be sure to include some food. EL...

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.
 -- H. L. Mencken
 
Whenever, at a party, I have been in the mood to study fools, I have always looked for a great beauty: they always gather round her like flies around a fruit stall.
-- Jean Paul Richter (1795)
 
Eat to please thyself, but dress to please others.
-- Benjamin Franklin

 
Food, fun, costumes and politicians -- what else do you need?   Governor Sarah Palin hosted a lavish Halloween party at GOP bigwig Martin Chuzzlewit's estate last night in New Hampshire.  Here are some reports from my sources in the field. 
 
There was a wide variety of New Hampshire wines and 14 different flavors of Fanta soda.  An ice sculpture of Cindy McCain was so lifelike that it seemed to move at times.  Republican Party Chairman Derek Smalls planned to fly in fresh salmon, baby elk and spotted moose, but had to cancel the food at the last minute.  It seems that the McCain-Feingold party funding limit had been exceeded, so guests were asked to bring a covered dish.
 
First to arrive was Ann Coulter in costume as Death, complete with a scythe.  She was thrown to the floor by Secret Service agents after John McCain panicked.  He apparently thought she was the actual Grim Reaper.  Her tray of peanut butter on celery was ruined. 

Mitt Romney, in a mischievous Ho Chi Minh costume, was almost turned away at the gate.  He set up an impressive sushi station and was surprisingly adept with the long blade.  Mmmm, he makes a great California roll.
 
Joe Lieberman arrived as a fabulous Elvis with wig, white jumpsuit, and bedazzled cape.  Sadly his noodle kugel wasn't very popular.  He felt unappreciated, became indignant, and threatened to go to a better party across the street. 

After a few mango Margaritas he calmed down and was later seen in the den accosting Diane Feinstein in a Jamaican accent, "Who's your Loverman?  Huh? Who's your Lieberman?  Come on baby, that kills in Bridgeport.  Gimme a smile."  

Ralph Nader was dressed as a hobo and brought some dented cans of baked beans. 

Libertarian Candidate Bob Barr was dressed as a shiny silver spaceman and just brought a handful of Arby's coupons.  He was asked to leave after stuffing his spacesuit with shrimp puffs and bacon-wrapped scallops.
 
There were fun activities for the children: pumpkin carving, pin the tail on the donkey (natch), and bobbing for apples.  One child dressed as an elf became hysterical during the apple bobbing.  He threw a tantrum and screamed to stop "waterboarding" the children.  Hey, that's Dennis Kucinich.  How'd he get in here?
 
John McCain was spotted in the back yard screaming at a thunderstorm after referring to Palin as "ungrateful daughter Goneril."  You might think that he was dressed as King Lear, but no, he was wearing a rabbit suit. 
 
Sarah Palin wore a hunter's costume designed by Roberto Cavalli and Ted Nugent.  She must have been in a playful mood, because she pointed her rifle at McCain and joked, "I got you in my sites there, Grandpa."  Her prop gun was a custom-made AK-47M with side-folding butt stock and scope mounting rail that fired special  '5N7' 5.45x39mm hollow point marzipan ammo designed by noted Sioux City pastry chef and weapons enthusiast David St. Hubbins.
 
Political wonk star couple Mary Matalin and James "The Ragin' Cajun" Carville arrived in mid-argument as Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf.  Carville contributed two buckets of crawfish and gumbo.  John Edwards, dressed as a pirate, was accompanied by Lindsay Lohan wearing a Lindsay Lohan mask.   (No one was fooled.)  They brought vodka, Red Bull and gummy bears.
 
Also in attendance was Samson the Pro-Life Moose, the mascot for Governor Palin's new anti-abortion/pro-hunting campaign.  Little Piper Palin poked him with a fork several times.  He was adorable -- so cute you just wanted to eat him up (with barbecue sauce!) or shoot him from a helicopter.
 
Todd Palin on bartender duty was a dead ringer for Kevin Federline.  Bill O'Reilly in a cowboy outfit showed up with a half-eaten bucket of KFC, had too many Zimas, and was seen wrestling a child in a Keith Olbermann mask. Mike Huckabee brought Fresca-marinated muskrat kabobs and came as a hillbilly preacherman, which seemed kookier when he created it last Halloween. 
 
Rudy Giuliani was dressed as "9-11 Man" in navy blue tights, red Underoos, a Yankees t-shirt and a USAir blanket for a cape.  He was planning to make a big entrance, but by the time he got there the party was almost over.  He brought pistachios and fruit roll-ups.
 
Someone dressed as Elmer Fudd brought vegetable lasagna and gherkins.  He never removed his mask and was suspected to be Barney Frank crashing the party.  A sad-looking Governor Bill Richardson came as a droopy Zorro and brought grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup, which he and Nader ate sullenly by the fireplace. 
 
There was also a White House Hell House.  Ooooo scary!   In one room was a state dinner for  Queen Elizabeth where the entire menu was chicken and waffles.  Guests proceeded to the Scary Oval Office where President Sir Mix-a-Lot was smoking blunts and spanking girls with big butts (which he likes).  That had a certain air of familiarity -- not too scary.  There was a demonic schoolroom where "Nancy Pelosi" forced teenagers to learn the anatomical names for hoohas, trunk junk, and "down there."  Boo!  After wading through a sea of break dancers on the Scary White House lawn, they reentered the mansion and were treated to a concert by Toby Keith.  Keith wrote a song for the occasion dedicated to Governor Palin called "Drillin' All Night Long."
 
All in all a great party (except for the noodle kugel).
 
My field associates sent some snapshots:

anncoulter.bmp

shroomy.bmp

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mccain.bmp

todd.bmp

moose.bmp

 

(Photos courtesy of Getty Images)

Posted by Elizabeth Large at 4:42 PM | | Comments (83)
        

Comments

I am not worthy (he says, bowing at the waist with his arms extended.)

Owl,

You have certainly reached new peaks with your Funtastic Thursdays. A most excellent submission for sure.

Might be lame considering what you have posted above, but how about this:
Someone was spotted with a (gasp!) Bill Clinton mask carrying a tray of cocktail weiners. Dude was a real party crasher.

Just one question--Martin Chuzzlewit? Huh?

... of the New Hampshire Chuzzlewits.

OMG, we could use your talents in the Republican Party. Perhaps it is time to stop working against us and start working with us. There are many things we could offer a man of your talents, such as tax benefits, a meal per diem and one of the best dental plans in the industry.

OMG, I am humble in the glow of your brilliance! What a party!!

I don't believe in political parties. I think they are for weak-minded people. The question, "Are you a Democrat or a Republican?" is something so ridiculous that an answer has always been laughable and impossible.

Martin Chuzzlewit is an old friend -- almost a Dickensian name. Can you find any more of my old friends in the post? That's today's contest -- identify other fictional characters. O'Reilly doesn't count -- he just acts like a fictional being.

I tried to spread a wide net over the political landscape, but frankly the Republican characters this year make for a much more interesting party than the Dems. And even mentioning Bob Barr and Ralph Nader is more than any other writer has done lately anywhere.

Yesterday was Funcrashtic for me. Last night I just collapsed early, drank some homemade cinnamon vodka and ate some black walnut ice cream (shockingly good, H-Daz). I fell asleep at the unholy hour of 10:30 and slept until 7. It was as if channelling all these diverse egos drained all my own essence and was replaced by warring party-gogues. Never again. I did have a dream that I was drinking in a bar with Van Morrison, so I feel renewed.

Noodle kugel!

OMG, you are the man. You also have far too much free time on your hands.

You also have far too much free time on your hands.

This one started out as a very small piece. Stuff happens. Never again, it's too draining. The next one is going to be titled "I'm Thinking of a Prime Number Between 18 and 32".

The next one is going to be titled "I'm Thinking of a Prime Number Between 18 and 32".

That wouldn't be terribly sporting, since there are only 4 possible answers.

great job !

Poor Ralph Nader. Well it is nice to that someone finally invited him to a party.

Fresca marinated kebobs? Mmmm... sounds Arkansassy.

Bob Barr is running for President? How weird. I liked him on The Price is Right.

terriermom,

That would be Bob Barker. :-)

I read a profile of Bob Barr just a few days ago. He took the time to tell a young woman in a wheelchair that he does not support the Americans with Disabilities Act. How classy and compassionate is that?

Sounds like Bob Barr has been channeling John Silber.

Awesome job, OMG.

I think poor techology is ruining your blog; People are posting much much less and those who do get frustrated with errors and give up or wonder why their post of 12 hours has disappeared.

I find it intesting taht the Sun post was amost believe-abe.

Due to my libertarians leanings, I am partial to Bob Barr; however, I'll admit that he looks like a mashup between Floyd the Barber and Porky Pig.

I thought the Bob Barr comment was a joke. Isn't he the disgraced ultra-conservative former congressman who was so anti-gay that you kind of wondered about him and his Freddie Mercury mustache? Doesn't sound very Libertarian to me.

Well, granted Bob Barr is no Michale Badnarik or Harry Browne; however, his platform of economic and civil liberties combined with an end to military adventurism is more in line with my thinking than the other candidates.

I will also say that libertarianism is in line with my foodie platform of raw milk, raw cheese, unpasteurized apple cider and protecting the right to eat foie gras.

I will also say that libertarianism is in line with my foodie platform of raw milk, raw cheese, unpasteurized apple cider and protecting the right to eat foie gras.

RoCK - under that criteria, I wouldn't mind being a gustatory libertarian.

Thanks for the shout out from Laura Lee elsewhere. Libertarianism sounded really attractive to me at first, byt then when I read Ron Paul's positions it made me queasy. The rabid anti-abortion part doesn't sit well with me, nor does the complete isolationism. I have to admit that I haven't thoroughly looked into it and don't know if Ron Paul or Bob Barr represent the tenets of the party. I find it quite scary that a hateful homophobe like Barr is carrying their banner. I've always been the kind of liberal that Jefferson was when he said "The government that governs least, governs best." That's a true liberal. You know, someone who likes liberty.

NIce touch OMG with the crow sitting on Palin's shoulder. I assume you photoshopped that in. I like the Night of the Long Knives reference for Romney. It's hard to work in a subtle HItler reference.

I had never heard of Bob Barr until this thread.

Mr. Pork, I agree with you on Libertarianism

I know I'll be pelted, beaten and hung from the rafters for this one; but watch videos from Adolf Hitler's rally's in the days of his growing power. It makes one also a little uneasy to see the chanting crowds of "change" "change" "change"! Achtung, Baby!

There are at least four very different strains of libertarianism, and as far as I can figure out, they are mutually exclusive.

Call things by their right names. Makes it easier on the rest of us.

Lissa, wonder how many other people here know who John Silber is?

PCB Rob -- Bob Barr was one of the most rabid (and loathsome) anti-Clinton voices in Congress in the 1990s, and was one of the House managers for Clinton's impeachment trial in the Senate in 1999. He frequently spoke for the GOP point of view on CNN programs in that era, due in no small part to his representing a suburban Atlanta district in the House. Curiously enough, according to his Wikipedia entry, the same Libertarian Party for which he is now the Presidential candidate worked hard to thwart his 2002 re-election bid. What goes around, comes around, I guess?

Joyce: I have thought of that many times, and it scares me every time.
I also have read about 2/3 of the "Left Behind" series, and while they are horribly written and not terribly accurate, I thought immediately of the same person that you are referring to as the Anti-Christ of that book series.
That scared me too!!

Dahlink, you used to live in Massachusetts? I don't think Silber leaked out of the Bay State.

Silber was noxious. A good, old fashioned moderate Republican like Weld was actually farther to the left.

It was an interesting election, especially watching people who'd never considered voting for a Republican run screaming from Silber.

Dahlink and Lissa -- as a Boston native, I vividly remember the early 1970s, when "Long John Silber" (then Boston University's president) did constant battle with the BU faculty.

Lissa, as a matter of fact, we did live in Massachusetts, but only for 5-6 months while my husband was on sabbatical. One of my college classmates was married to someone who was Silber's right hand man at the time, so we had a little insider info, but I mainly know about Silber because I'm very interested in personalities in higher education. Silber was in a class by himself as university president and egomaniac.

Oh, Cosmo Girl, I have such issues with that entire Left Behind business!

Yeah, Silber had the ego to match BU's budget, for sure. He was the Ross Perot of Mass. higher ed.

Wouldn't expect so many of us with Mass links down here, even if Dahlink and I are a bit tenuous.

Lissa wrote: Wouldn't expect so many of us with Mass links down here, even if Dahlink and I are a bit tenuous.

I have Mass links, too, and in fact, I'll be in Boston (mostly Medfield) the weekend of 11/15.

I'm hoping there won't be a Nor'easter.

The Left Behind series is basically a joke. I am not a fundamentalist or an evangelist, I just read it because I was curious. My sister who is a fundamentalist had told me of all the inaccuracies in it, too numerous to either remember or mention :-)

Cosmo Girl, I've never read Left Behind but I do know what it's about. Actually, that thought has crossed the minds of many I've spoken with. The whole thing is just going to have to play itself out, and then we'll know. I find the whole Rock God fanatasism is very unerving. But then again, I find it unerving when it's for "Rock Gods" as well!

Joyce: that are some articles out there (and maybe they are really OUT THERE, I haven't decided) that state the hypothesis that a mild type of hypnosis accounts for the extremely large crowds and the, as you put it, Rock God infatuation.
Do a search on it, it is interesting and scary, if true.

Susan I hate Working Girl but I like Cosmo Girl, but I like to think that you could be won over with multiple cocktails, so why not be the more celestial and slightly slutty Cosmos Girl? I don't know if Bourbon Girl is ever coming back from Boston so that gives me hope. Ooops, now Bourbon Girl will eviscerate you. Look what happened to Rock Chicklet. Poor thing, limping around Indiana with a broken femur.

OMFlirt: If I had two Cosmopolitans I probably would be celestial and slightly slutty :-)
I am not much of a drinker at all and one is my limit.
When my kids were younger we were at a family picnic. I had had a beer. I was trying to kid about Spongebob Square Pants, and instead said "Sponge Job" Square Pants.
I also called Outback Steakhouse "Outhouse Steakhouse".
They have never let me forget it.

My wife and I were born in Mass. and moved to MD at age 13 and 22. We just finished a marathon driving trip through Maryland and on to Mass. to visit relatives. Some good restaurants visited; more later.

Susan-with-many-words, my mother and I belong to the Lady Strathmore Lodge of the Daughters of Scotia. One year, my mother went to the national convention.

While enjoying a cruise on one of the rivers of Pittsburgh, an elderly Daughter asked my mother what lodge she was from.

"Lady Chatterly's Lodge", my mother replied.

My mother gained quite a lively reputation at that conference...

Lissa, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. You're pretty lively yourself!

Why, thank you, Dahlink. I come from a long line of eccentrics, and hope, someday, to live down to them all.

I hope all you socialists are happy now. Maybe in the future you can blog about what kind of apples to sell on the street. How can you morally equivalate hunting and abortion? That's just dumb. And who the hell is Roberto Cavalli? Although I did like the stuff about LIeberman, Richardson, Barney Frank and Nader.

cupofjoe,
Roberto Cavalli is a high-end Italian designer (whereas Ted Nugent is not). I'm guessin' OMG was makin' a reference to Sarah Palin's wardrobe expenditures.
You've got a fine word there in "equivalate".


Ted Nugent + an Italian fancy man, I get it. That is kind of funny. I guess I'm not as fashion forward a Signor Owl.

A few more quibbles. Why is that crow on Palin's arm? HOw can you compare Mittens Romney to HItler? Clearly Romney has the better hair, even if Hitler was more successfull at fixing the economy.

"Mittens" Romney, huh? Somehow I doubt that anyone has ever called him that to his face.

MIttens is his middle name. Odd that he would choose to to use his middle name clearly the name of a cat instead of his first name Willard the name of a rat. Odd indeed. Thank whoever his god is that we didn't get stuck with his intergalactic space cult where he can ascend to godhood by conquering the Nation.

http://www.truveo.com/Mo-Rocca-180-Mittens-Romney/id/4032816600

I think this is just in bad taste and should be removed from the Sun's sight. This is supposed to be news not some left wng attack on Christians. Shame on you and hiding behind a name like that.

Romney claims to be from Michigan (we don't claim him), so "Mittens" is quite appropriate.

should be removed from the Sun's sight

Good idea, but The Sun is all knowing and seeing.

Last chance to bid on creepy presidential cabbage patch dolls:
http://completed.shop.ebay.com/merchant/auctioncause_W0QQ_nkwZQQLHQ5fCompleteZ1QQ_armrsZ1QQ_fromZQQ_mdoZ

I'm starting to think cupofjoe is a pretty funny guy. Which, of course, makes me think he is Owl Meat Grammarian in disguise.

Lissa! Y'all elected the man gavernor! Someone must have claimed him!

Bucky, I had a sneaking suspicion as well ...

Um, I never said any such thing OMG and you know it. Leave me out of this

No, Eve, his father was a one term governor. I wasn't living in MI then, so I won't accept responsibility for it. Bill Miliken was the last governor of Michigan that I respected.

Wait, wait, is the Owl singing his Swan song? Say it isn't so. I'll even stop commenting on Fashion Foward wardrobes.

Owl Meat is here to stay and whoever impugned me and super-paramour Bourbon Girl should be grilled on the flames of Luxor and ground upon the the plains of Venidor. Because however awesome I am, which is not so very awesome, she is ten thousand times superior to me and any slight upon her is well a big slight. Just don't mess with her. She's the best. Seriously, I'll murder you ... with my mind. Ohhhh ... I can do it.

So make up your own names, okay? We're real people and at least she has real feelings. Really.

Owl, I'm glad you're staying. And BG too! But, listen, can you do murder with mind hits to order? Cause, if you can, we need to talk...

Mind-murder has been attempted on Big Bang Theory. (Those crazy physicists!)

So, there is an Owl imposter? Geeze, how pathetic.

There have been a number of false Meats this year as well as a phony Snickers, my long lost equine companion. I knew he was fake because horses don't usually blog.

I've seen the attempted mind murder on BBT. I love the physics and sci-fi geek jokes on that. I think before I resume practicing my telecide technique I need to work on some more positive mental tricks.

I've been following omg's posts for a few months now and clearly bourbon girl is his beloved muse , so shame on false owls. who is snickers?

Snickers is a horse? Pony? Some sort of animal that Bird has hallucinated.

I thought BG was his bemused love.

I think I spotted Snickers and he has a new friend.

I'm glad to see the Real Owl back on the blog.

Glad to see Snickers hs a buddy, but I wish he would come home. I hate drinking alone.

So Owl,

What was Snickers' beverage of choice?

corn liquor (bourbon) or did he enjoy some type of carrot beverage?

And Eve, by the way, an owl is not merely a bird, but a raptor.

I was brewing mead this weekend in Delaware, and my brewmaster buddy brought out a carrot wine he'd made.

I didn't try it, of course.

Lissa, how does one brew mead? I mean, is it terribly involved? My partner has been dying to try mead and if she could make it herself, she'd love it all the more!

Snickers looks sad in that photo

Perhaps if you shine that Owl light in the night sky, Snickers will find his way home

Are you for real Lissa or did I make you up? How am I to believe that someone who was brewing mead in Delaware, the mead capital of the mid-Atlantic states, would not try carrot wine? Inconceivable or maybe you're gooned out of your mind on mead and are just typing random thoughts. 8>(
I made carrot soda once.

I'm fake, Owlie. Ask anyone.

I didn't try it because I can't drink alcohol. My friends said it didn't taste carroty, although they could smell it.

Joyce, brewing mead takes a lot of the same equipment as brewing beer - carboys, etc. I mostly just do as told, because my friends know what they are doing.

Most of the mead you can buy, I'm told, if not all of it, is bad. You need beer skills and a wine license, and most breweries/wineries don't handle that crossover well.

This should probably go offline, though. trying to figure out how to get my e-mail addy to you, although I'm really not that hard to find on the net.

Lissa, got a carboy and brewing supplies. Are the on line directions at Oldwestbrew.com pretty in line with what you did? I'd never be able to find you on the net. I couldn't find my own kid's myspace til he linked me!

So nice to see you Hyacinth Girl. You always brighten my day. I think of those rare spring flowers and The Waste Land, a not so obvious combination of beautiful things:

'You gave me hyacinths first a year ago;
'They called me the hyacinth girl.'
—Yet when we came back, late, from the Hyacinth garden,
Your arms full, and your hair wet, I could not
Speak, and my eyes failed, I was neither
Living nor dead, and I knew nothing,
Looking into the heart of light, the silence.

Lissa, if you don't drink alcohol why brew mead? Perhaps you are a witch and that is part of some potion? 8>O

Paramour BG makes fun of all my quirky food habits, which is fair because they are vast and difficult to explain at times. She thinks the carrot juice is whack and doesn't even know about what I'm going to reveal now .. hold on to your wig and keys Distilled Sour Mash Kentucky Whickey Girl ...

So I try to drink a little carrot juice every day, which I think is super healthy and makes me feel good. The only thing I don't like is that there is so much sugar in it. Solution: I make lacto-fermented carrot juice. I yogurtize it basically.

I have a glass bottle of super lactobacilli culture. I basically took small samples of the juice from naturally-made kim chi, sauerkraut, and yogurt and added it to a solution of various sugars (sucrose, malt syrup, honey, etc) ginger, some mineral drops, and sea salt to create a mother batch of fermentation starter.

So I take my bottle of carrot juice and add an ounce of this stuff, let it sit on counter for 8 hours or so (sealed) until the bacteria creates a serious living colony in the juice. Then back in the fridge.

It makes it a little tangy and slightly fizzy, but you get all the benefits of yogurt culture. I've done this with other things like V-8 too and it works fine.

The best thing I did was make natural grape soda: take grape juice and add the culture and some of the sugar turns to lactic acid which gives it a nice bite and it's naturally carbonated. Big caveat: the production of carbonation is a serious risk of mess if you don't use good air tight glass bottles.

Snickers drinks beer; he gets to feisty on tequila.

Speaking of tequila and restaurants that you want ... file this under restaurants nobody wants. Sammy Hagar famous for putting his name on Cabo Wabo tequila, not being able to drive 65, and ruining Van Halen is opening a restautant ... in Honolulu ... in the airport.

8>} out

Hagar rules! You blow! It should have been called Van Hagar! Eat my dust gravee boy, I can't drive 85! Woo hoo! And drink beer for breakfast like a real man, enough woosy carrot juice! Rock on!

I didn't think chupacabras came this far east. Lock up your goats.

I can't believe this entry is getting new posts?

Anyway, speaking of strange drinks, I was touring the Valentine Museum in Richmond this weekend. Apparently, the Valentine family made their fortune in meat juice, which was some kind of turn of the century health tonic. Now, I've never heard of meat juice before, but I have no doubt that OMG has made a few batches of this concoction in his lifetime.

Vitameatavegamin silly boy.

RoCK, it has wandered off into the ozone.

Joyce, I just follow what my buddy does. He can talk mead brewing, I can't.

OMG, no, I'm not a witch. That's my partner. I'm a heathen.

I brew with my friends, who do drink mead. I also hang out at parties and in bars where folks drink. Everyone needs a designated driver, after all.

How do mead drinkers behave? Are there any Berserkers in the crowd?

Sometimes, terriermom. More typically, imagine a frat around a campfire. With less education and more body hair.

...imagine a frat around a campfire. With less education and more body hair.

Hmmmph! Sounds like my former in-laws.

Gah! Stick to food, a comic or satirist you are not.

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About this blog
Richard Gorelick was appointed The Baltimore Sun's restaurant critic in September 2010. Before joining the paper staff fulltime, he contributed freelance criticism and features articles about food to area and regional publications. Along the way, he dispatched for short-distance trucking companies, shilled for cultural non-profits, and assisted in cognitive neurology research – never the subject, always the control.

He takes restaurants seriously but not himself, and his favorite restaurant is the one you love, too.
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