E.L., I'm with you. With all the horror stories I've read about problems and worse, I can't see voluntarily being locked up with two to three thousand of my soon toi be closest friends in a floating hotel. Of course, YMMV.

I will admit that I've long had a fantasy of taking the QEII (the Queen Mary II will have to do now) to England, doing the Oxford summer courses for rich dillitantes, then flying back to the US.

But, food isn't any part of that, unless you count the variety of KitKats they get in Europe.

Having been in the Navy, I've done my share of cruises. I don't really have the desire to take a cruise vacation.

I've taken a Oxford summer course, but don't consider myself a rich dillitante!

I've taken a Oxford summer course, but don't consider myself a rich dillitante!

So what's with the hoity toity name then?

I've been on a couple of cruises on Royal Caribbean (we've been doing vacations that don't require flying since airport security got so stupid).

The food at the buffet is mediocre. The food in the main dining room is sometimes really good, other times not so much. The food on the smaller of the two ships we've been on was better than the larger one. Don't know if the number of people being served had anything to do with that. Maybe the smaller ship just had a better chef.

While a cruise wouldn't be my first choice for a vacation, they do have one good feature for me. They force me to relax, something I'm not naturally good at. On the other hand, it's really easy to drink too much.

You should sample Navy cuisine underway. Chili mac, actually not too bad.
But the pizza surprise, where they put leftover veggies under a thick layer of cheese is kinda nasty.

Lets not forget the "sliders". On my first ship, they were cooked traditionally, on a grill. Decent, but greasy. On my second ship, in Scotland, they'd assemble the uncooked burger on its bun, with or without cheese, wrap it in a fast-food style wrapper, and put it in a steam box. They would do this after breakfast so by lunch they would be done. Not sure what that patty consisted of to allow it to be steamed, but it was not very good. But people (including me now and then) wolfed them down.

Last but not least was their ham, with a peanut butter glaze. I love peanut butter, I love ham, but I did not love that.

What the cooks did best was breakfast. They always had made-to-order omelettes that were large and had lots of cheese, if you asked for cheese, that is. And since cooks were in the same department as myself (a payroll guy), they made mine great.

PCB Rob, I wouldn't have lasted more than a few weeks in any branch of the military, whether ships were involved or not. I would likely have been in the brig for insubordination before basic training finished. :-)

Hal, in Basic Training, they don't brig you unless you commit a felony. Insubordination alone doesn't do it. Neither does misdemenor assult.

PCB Rob, I took a five day, four night cruise on an aircraft carrier many years ago. Testing out some electronic equipment. The first night was nice in Officers' Quarters, two bunks to a room. After the pilots flew in we were relegated to Crew's Quarters: five bunks from the deck to the overhead. I now know what it will be like in the grave, because the steel bottom of the bunk above was about two inches from my nose when I laid on my back. Had to decide whether to sleep on my back or my stomach before I got in because I couldn't roll over. Food was good, even the midnight rations, and I got some great pictures of air operations. Actually got flown off the carrier and back to base. My DW was in the Navy when I met her, but I have had more sea duty than she did.

in Basic Training, they don't brig you unless you commit a felony. Insubordination alone doesn't do it. Neither does misdemenor assult.

Lissa, do you know this from personal experience? :-)

RiE,
I was on a sub tender and a "gator freighter" (carries Marines). Crew's quarters' bunks were only three high and had ample room to roll over, as long as you did it in place. Not wide at all. The Marines' quarters however, were like you described. No way would I want to bunk like that.

Hal,
Insubordination, if bad enough, got you Captain's Mast. At most you could lose a rank and half your pay for two months, what we called "The Blue Plate Special". - there's a food reference!

PCB Rob and RiE, did you guys know about the Alexander Henry Ship Hostel, in Kingston, ON? Converted icebreaker, you can spend the night on board. Looks like fun.

Yes, Hal, I do. It is a rather long story (although amusing in parts), so I won't give it here.

So Hal, you're not really relaxed on these cruises. You're drunk? Or you're so relaxed, you don't care how much you drink?

Jl, I said it's easy to drink too much, not inevitable.

I have never wanted to be stuck on a boat but several years ago, a friend's "other" determined at the last minute that he couldn't leave his desk so I was offered a free trip. The food was OK, but we were assigned to a table for 6 in the dining room (first seating) with 2 couples, one wife was clearly afraid of her husband - mad me hope for the chance to push him overboard - and the other wife complained about every single thing so we wound up at the buffet, which was not worth a postcard home.

On the other hand, we got off at every stop. On Nassua, we watched a cricket game. Previously, I had thought that rugby was the most confusing game I'd ever watched.

Rugby is easy, Eve. You can't pass forward, only sideways or back, there are two groups of people on each team, runners and the folks in the scrum, no time outs unless an ambo needs to get onto the field and there are two 45 min. halves. Only protection is mouth guards (don't ask me about guys, I have no idea).

After the game, both sides drink together and sing obscene songs until no one remembers who won or who lost. Then, you drink some more.

Lissa, I think I'd rather be on board the Delta King, sister ship to the Delta Queen, now permanently moored in Sacramento, CA, and turned into a hotel and theater.

PVB Rob, the Chiefs Quarters on the carrier were three high, but they were all full. This was an older non-nuclear carrier, so I hope the newer ones have better quarters.

Bad dining companions is a danger. On our last cruise we lucked out and got an 8 or 10 person table to ourselves. There was another couple the first night, but they either hated the sparsely populated table or they found us annoying. At any rate, we never saw them again. Since we're both introverts, we were quite happy.

I haven't had that much luck at nassaus, Bucky would know what I mean. Its a golf thing.

Speaking of golf Bucky, you say that Mrs. Bucky gets out on the links, do you play also?

PCB Rob - I golf in the low 80's. If it gets any hotter than that, I go to the clubhouse and drink beer.

(That's a Willie Nelson line...)

I play golf, poorly. My thing is fly fishing. In the winter, I think about fly fishing next year.

I don't think drinks are included in the all you can eat madness on the cruise lines unless you buy the all inclusive package from one of the more expensive cruise lines.

According to my friend who's been on a lot of cruises even soda wasn't included until very recently.

That, combined with my fear of food pathogens as you pointed out, EL; and my general misanthorpic disposition lead me to believe I'd be better served on a more private vacation.

Although Olivia has had several cruises that have sounded pretty tempting especially the one that went to Alaska with K.D. Lang, The Indigo Girls and Susan westenhoff (who is hilarious for those of you who have never watched LOGO).

In 1995, my wife wanted to go on a cruise; I figured I'd be bored, so we did a four-day cruise on Royal Caribbean. Not quite sure what I was thinking; it was great! We've been on two since, and are going on another this January.

While there's email access, it's slow and expensive, so I have a great excuse not to check in with the office. No cell phone coverage at sea. Bliss.

I'm not a beach person, but sitting around the pool drinking a pina colada is tough to beat.

As for the food, we've definitely noticed a decline in quality. And the wine selection is dreadful. Hopefully Celebrity will be a step up from RCCL.

Lissa:

That's the most coherent description of rugby I've ever seen.

Bucky,
That's a great golf line, I'll have to use that next time out. I play now and then. I enjoy it. Its an escape where, for a few hours, you think of nothing else but your next shot.

I guess fly fishing could be that way too.

Saw a golf tee shirt once that said:

If it goes left its a hook
If it goes right its a slice
If it goes straight its a miracle

Also, one golfer wrote a book titled something like "A Nicw Walk Ruined."

RiE,

Supposedly Mark Twain was the person who called golf "a good walk spoiled".

R-i-E: I've heard "Golf is a good walk, spoiled" attributed to Mark Twain. I've also heard, "Golf is a peaceful, long walk, broken up by moments of disapointment and bad arithmetic."

I had heard friends rave about the food on the cruise. I think that people who are impressed by quantity will be pleased, but unfortunately we were not. We didn't go hungry, but the dining was not the highlight of our cruising experience.

I had heard friends rave about the food on the cruise.

They probably love buffets. (Have I mentioned lately that I hate buffets?)

I am a bit curious about Zevonista's comment that the wine selection was dreadful on Royal Caribbean. I didn't have any problem finding more than drinkable wines, but perhaps Zevonista can afford better stuff than I can and consequently has better taste.

I have been on 3 cruises, 2 by Celebrity about 10 years ago. Everything was first class and the food and service was amaizng. It felt like there were 3 staff people for every guest, so there was always someone there to make you feel comfortable. There is so much to do on cruise, from sports to dancing, to shows and casinos, to movies and karaoke nite. Truly there is something for everyone on a cruise. I just did a mexican riveria cruise in May and it was on Princess....the Love Boat..lol...anyway, it was fun, but the food was just average. My wife and I actually found the buffet to be better than main dining, maybe becuase they were constantly refilling the food and it was fresher than the dining room. We still had a great trip and enjoyed being pampered by an excellent staff for an entire week. You can take the opportunity to meet fun people from all over the world, or choose to stay to yourself and relax.

I have been on 3 cruises, 2 by Celebrity about 10 years ago. Everything was first class and the food and service was amaizng. It felt like there were 3 staff people for every guest, so there was always someone there to make you feel comfortable. There is so much to do on cruise, from sports to dancing, to shows and casinos, to movies and karaoke nite. Truly there is something for everyone on a cruise. I just did a mexican riveria cruise in May and it was on Princess....the Love Boat..lol...anyway, it was fun, but the food was just average. My wife and I actually found the buffet to be better than main dining, maybe becuase they were constantly refilling the food and it was fresher than the dining room. We still had a great trip and enjoyed being pampered by an excellent staff for an entire week. You can take the opportunity to meet fun people from all over the world, or choose to stay to yourself and relax.

I've been on four Caribbean cruises: three on Holland America in the '70's (when I was single), and the fourth on Norwegian Caribbean on my honeymoon in '94. It's a lovely way to travel: only unpacked/packed once, fellow passengers could be very interesting (Dizzy Gillespie chose me for a date on a Jazz Cruise in '75--WOO HOO), food was generally outstanding, and the stewards and servers were always eager to please. Another fun element on the NC cruise was the casino, where we came out ahead at the Blackjack table. So what's not to enjoy? I have to admit that we were gently amused when some of our fellow passengers got "dippy tummy" when the Caribbean got a little rough between islands.

What's to to enjoy? What was the name of that poor fellow in the wheelchair who was pushed overboard by terrorists decades ago? That will keep me from ever going on a cruise!

Sorry--that should have been "What's NOT to enjoy ..."