Deep fried to perfection.

Or anything done to perfection on a menu. Lettuce chopped to perfection. Soup heated to perfection. Ice frozen to perfection.

How about a top ten menu peeves? There are plenty.

At the end of the day, the phrase that annoys me second-most is "value proposition."

How about:

New and Improved
Now with More Beef (or veggies, or flavor, etc.)
New Recipe
We ♥ Our Customers

My last favorite phrase would have to be "Sanitized for your protection" (and I'm talking hotel rooms, not libraries).

That should have been "least" favorite phrase--sorry!

How about some classic malapropisms? Slightly pregnant. Very unique. Natural flavors.

we are going to experience a "weather event"....

Now Owlier.

The saying that is bothering me alot lately is calling everyone a NAZI. As in "the seating Nazi" in a post on a different topic. I assume this stems from Seinfeld (a show I have never watched) and the soup Nazi incident. I guess being old enough to know soldiers who suffered through WWII and also knowing survivors of the concentration camps makes this offensive to me.

"Free gift" and frozen precip are 2 of my top peeves, along with the always popular "Your call is very important to us" BAH!

"But wait -- there's more!"

How about:

New and Improved!
Value Priced!

Buy Now and Save BIG!

grrrrr....

No soup for you Mark.

Inappropriate quotes:
"Fresh" bread
Homemade "Soup"

That scares me.

And the use of decimal points and cent signs:
Donuts 0.99¢

I want my hundred donuts for a dollar.

Rags and Snappy want to go for a walk, but that's not going to happen.

Not sure that this counts as phrases, but it kind of annoyed me when a while ago I saw on Dorito's chips the flavors of "Nacho Cheesier" and "Cooler Ranch."

Gakity gak

We could probably do a top 100 stupid food phrases. Like big LOW FAT labels on stuff like bags of carrots. Carrots don't have fat in them until I cook them. Ditto for LOW IN SODIUM on a sticker on apples. Really.

I've also seen LOW CARB on steaks.

I'm sure we could do 10 on just menu junk. I share the hate for "...to perfection." I also shudder when I see the trendy ingredient of the month where it should never have been. "Gently marinated in a mixture of organic shoyu and pomegranate."

"Gently" anything, really.

Catch phrases that sort of define our lives:

I love technology when it works.

Elastic is our friend.

I'm waiting for...

Fat Free Beer! Drink all you want, you won't get fat!

Now see here, Ms. Large, if you don't want me barging into your food and dining preserve, what is this introduction of a discussion of cliches? You know perfectly well that the copy desk is the custodian of cliches and that You Don't Say represents copy desk interests. Harumph.

I didn't mention cliches. Who mentioned cliches? EL

The food-related phrase that most annoys me (because I'm probably too literal, admittedly) is "to die for."

I've later tried foods that I was told were "to die for" and, no, they never have been.

Mark - I'm guilty of using "Nazi" that way especially with our IT department, whom I refer to as the "Content Nazis," for their idiotic web filters.

I never mean it as a term of endearment.

But I never heard anyone say it offended them. Ummm...I need to think about this. Thanks for pointing it out.

Asiago!
Asiago!
Asiago!
Asiago!
Asiago!
Asiago!
Asiago!
Asiago!
Asiago!
Asiago!
Asiago!
Asiago!
Asiago!
Asiago!
Asiago!
Asiago!

PCB RobiB, beer IS fat-free. Its what you body does to it, especially when you consume mass quantities, that makes you fat. I've also seen bags of sliced vegetables that scream NO CHOLESTEROL.

Bucky - No soup for you!

Yeah, I don't think I've ever heard the term Nazi used in an endearing manner. Given that the production list for Seinfeld looks like the members of the lost tribe, I think using Nazi to belittle someone is kosher. Of course YMMV.

Series Produced by
Tim Kaiser
George Shapiro
Howard West
Jerry Seinfeld
Suzy Mamann-Greenberg
Larry David
Nancy Sprow
Peter Mehlman
Tom Gammill
Max Pross
Tom Cherones
Andrew Scheinman
Alec Berg
Spike Feresten
Gregg Kavet
David Mandel
Jeff Schaffer
Morgan Sackett
Andy Ackerman
Steve Koren

R-i-E - my second favorite episode. (Favorite: "Shrinkage")

Bucky -- LOL. ("I was in the pool! I was in the pool!") Wasn't "Shrinkage" the same one that had the ugly baby?

Don't forget that other famous episode -- The Contest. (aka "Master of my domain").

I must have been one of the 10 people that thought Seinfeld was more whiny (sp?) than funny.

Cheese Girl - that's was the same episode. Where the pediatrician called Elaine "breathtaking" then referred to the baby the same way. Also where Goerge goes to get tomatos and Jerry and Kramer see his date for the weekend topless.

Every plot line was funny in that episode. (I think it was really called "The Hamptons" not "Shrinkage" but that's what I call it.)

The Contest was good, too, although I didn't think it was...well, funny...so much as so smartly written. We talked for days at work about how they did that episode, made it funny and everything worked, without ever using the m-word.

Seinfeld is on four times a day here in Denver, and on days that I'm home I usually see at least three out of the four. My wife thinks I'm an idiot, because I can pretty much recite the dialogue to every episode, but I still laugh anyway. Sometimes I laugh and tell her, "Watch this..." before the funny thing happens. She just shakes her head.

It probably is kind of pathetic on my part.

"the seating Nazi" is actually my quote referring to the woman who does the seating in Tark's grill. I am actually the one who used it twice. I also happen to be Jewish and don't feel the least bit politically incorrect in my usage because if you are old enough to understand what horrible S.O.B.'s the Nazi's were than you are able to make the long leap to understand what I am saying about this woman. It is with no disrespect to the courageous men and women who survived the concentration camps or who served in WWII.

hmmmph. stepping down from my podium now.

"Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

And who was this frenchie named Cliche?

My wife refers to me as a nazi on a daily basis for reasons ranging my registration as a Republican to my requests that she closes the windows before putting the air conditioner on.

I noticed a French restaurant awhile back advertising a celebration of Napoleon's birthday. Napoleon was atleast as evil as Hitler and on a percentage basis may have been responsible for more deaths in Europe just to fuel his ego and maintain his power. It made me wonder if in another one hundred years German restaurants will be celebrating Hitler's birthday. It was at this time I started noticing how people now use the term Nazi to describe bullies. Just like the passing of time has made Napoleon into a cartoon like character it looks like the same is happening for Hitler and Nazi Germany. No truer statement has ever been uttered than "history repeats itself." Rather gloomy thoughts for a beautiful Sunday morning and way off topic.

I've had very tender meats before but the only things that 'melt in my mouth' are ice, ice cream, and the likes.

RoCK--have you considered marriage counseling?

And for every Nazi hopefully there is
an Irene Sendlerowa
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4314145.stm

EEL, when I was in Germany in the early 70s, in one little village I used to get to regularly, some of the locals would gather in the back room of the gasthaus on April 20th to reminisce and sing some of the old songs.

Napoleon vs Hitler. Good gravy. People love a conqueror. Yes, people probably would have celebrated Hitler in a 100 years for his mililtary skills, but the whole genocide thing is something different. I'm gonna have to say that Hitler was way worse than Napoleon. How can we bring this back to food? Ah, because there is no tasty bakery treat called a HItler whereas there is a Napoleon. Mmmm .. now I'm hungry. I think I'l got out for some Pol Pot stickers down at the Steve & Idi Amin Gourmet. (Wow, that was a stretch.)

OMG - the Steve & Idi Amin Gourmet. (Wow, that was a stretch.)
Maybe a stretch - but damn funny. Steve and Eydie hadn't strayed into my conscious mind in a long, long time.

Sometimes you scare me with how your brain works.

OMG wrote about the Steve & Idi Amin Gourmet. Not at all funny if you recall what Idi Amin was famous for eating.

Thank you Fille de Fromage.

I had an amazing cheese experience this weekend. I went to this new place near my place in Little Italy at Eastern and High called TapaBar. I settled in and pretended I was back in Madrid and not in Baltimore. Ommmm.... I got the plato de queso artisanal, which is different cheeses and apples, grapes, tasty olives and cornichon, some interesting pieces of what seem to be solid strawberry jam (yum) and toasty bread wedges. One of the cheeses was something from Venezuela and it was very different than anything I've ever had, hard to explain. Then on to the classic Manchego, the great Spanish ewe's milk cheese. None of the cheeses were very salty (good!). I find that the imported versions of many European cheeses and olives are so much saltier than the versions in the home country. Oh the best of all was some Cabrales cheese (goat's milk?). Its scary blue colors are belied by the most amazing creamy and rich flavor. Oh! A little bit on an apple slice or with a red grape ... sublime. All the while I was sipping a beautiful complex red wine called Mirone Gamacha from Aragon. Perfect. The wine starts out bold and earthy and as it sits it opens up and finishes with a milder tone and fruit aromas.

This is not a chug and munch kind of place. You really need to take your time and savor the subtleties of the dishes and wines. I've been there three times. They have Spanish and South American beers, which are good, but wine works best with the food. I started off yesterday with an odd choice -- a Spanish Riesling from the Utiel-Requena region of Valencia. Yeah, I had no idea they made that. It has a slight resemblance to some better Portuguese whites and really opens up when it warms slightly in your hand. Refreshing.

I was impressed at how authentically Spanish the menu is and the focus on organic wines and foods and locally grown produce. Last night I had the Empanada Gallega, which is pulled chicken in a puff pastry. A far cry from the empanadas I've had in bus stations in Argentina. Oh oh oh. I've had a lot of ceviche in my travels and i love it, bt I was suprised by their version of it. Instead of chunks of fish marinated in very tart lemon juice, this was very thing slices of red snapper (?) marinated in a much gentler citrus sauce so that the subtle flavor of the fish remains. It's like a party in your mouth.

So that's how some great cheese made me happy this weekend.

Dahlink, myth.

OMG, you do sound happy--we all rejoice. Is it possible the "solid strawberry jam" was actually quince paste?

I would be glad to know that rumors of Amin's cannibalism were unfounded. Even so, not Mr. Nice Guy.

OMG, that cheese plate sounds wonderful. Must get over there.

I'm always shocked to find that Idi Amin is still alive and living in Saudi Arabia.

Alas Lissa, Idi is no longer alive. Died in 2003.

OMG -- First of all, Fille de Fromage. That sounds so much better in French!

Thank you for that delightful description of your cheese plate experience. I'm living vicariousy.

Dahlink, I'm not familiar with quinces. Do they taste like strawberries? Idi Amin, yes, a bad bad dude. That's why I shocked to hear that the International Kiwanis Club gave him their Fellowship Award in 1999.

CG, lots of things sound better in French. Imagine if menus offered burnt cream instead of creme brulee? Zut alors.

Regina, no wonder I'm so shocked.

Still, if anyone deserved to die in jail, it was him.

Regina, no wonder I'm so shocked.

Still, if anyone deserved to die in jail, it was him.

OMG--I can't enlighten you on the taste of strawberries vs. quince, because I have a strawberry allergy (tragic, I know). Anyone?

This has been bugging me. The Sun very generously gave me a $1000 gift certificate for dinner at Salt. I promised a review of the experience, but I never delivered. Given my logorrhea, this must seem odd. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I just could not write it up. Couldn't do it. Then I came upon this quote:

Pleasure is often spoiled by describing it.
-- Stendhal

Hey Gravypants, you told me it was a $100 dollar gift certificate when we went there in March. Did you use the rest of it to wine&dine your other girlfriends?