Four score and seven sandwiches ago
No, Owl Meat didn't abandon us today. He's back with an even more Funtastic Thursday than usual.
"Portrait of the Artist as a Funtastic Tyke. How adorable is Little Owl Meat? Look closely and you will see that I was already practicing the art of Sandbox domination. I loved the smell of Play-Doh in the morning. It smelled like ... Victory!
... and now for the Main Attraction ...
I planned to do something on celebrity-named sandwiches at the Stage Deli in NYC, but things swerved hard. They kicked me out for taking photos (of the menu) plus their concepts are uber-lame. For example,
Richard Simmons Tropical Fruit Salad - Cottage Cheese, Fruit Salad & Strawberry Jell-O.: (1) That's just mean, (2) Strawberry Jell-O?
Sid's Caesar Salad - Just lazy
Clint Eastwood - Turkey, Tongue & Corned Beef. Something is deeply wrong. (It's the tongue.)
Larry Gatlin - Turkey, Salami & Swiss Cheese. Who the hell is Larry Gatlin?
Gloria Estefan - Tuna, Bacon, American Cheese, Lettuce & Tomato. Eso es simplemente estupido.
Derek Jeter - Roast Beef, Turkey & Muenster Cheese. In a Boston deli, this would probably involve a skirt steak. Oh! No he di'int.
Now it's time to name drop people in the news to rope in wandering Google-groms. Today's game is Political Sandwiches. I consulted with the mighty VoodooPork for his mad sandwich skillz. Ah Salami I Like 'Em, brotherman.
The John McCain - Steamed crabby cake with true American cheese and SPF 90 mayo with a bacon comb-over on a stale hero roll.
The Barack Obama - It changes every day. You can make it out of anything possible. Yes you can!
The Sarah Palin (The Caribou Barbie) - Grilled baby moose on nut bread with marshmallow fluff dressing. There used to be a choice of cole slaw, pickle or chips, but now there is no choice. In fact, if you try to choose one on your own, you will be jailed and executed. Profits are donated to the Egg Council's Leave No Ovum Behind program for teenage girls.
The Joe Biden - Fried bologna, scrapple, pickles and potato chips on potato bread with what are those? - sprouts on top. (Who's he trying to kid? Everyone can tell they're sprouts.)
The Ralph Nader - Wilted lettuce, tainted Costco mayo and dryer lint in a low carb wrap. Sorry, we no longer carry this item due to lack of demand. Try the Dennis Kusandwich instead.
The Martin O'Malley - We tested various ingredients but they all left a bad taste in people's mouths.
The Cindy McCain - Iceberg lettuce on lots of bread, like more bread than you can imagine.
The Hilary Clinton - Well-done skirt steak marinated forever with extra gristle on a hard roll and a hard-boiled egg.
The Bill Clinton Hoagie - Some meat in that sandwich? Not a real sandwich, just something he asks pairs of women in hotel bars.
The Rudy Giuliani Club Sandwich - Toast, American cheese, 9-11, baloney and mayo, toast, 9-11, tomato and malarkey, 9-11, toast, ham, lettuce, 9-11 and toast. Comes with a side of 9-11 mango chutney.
The John Edwards Submarine - Coldcuts and asiago cheese with a little extra meat slipped in. Served with a heapin' helpin' of Southern Fried Shame. No need to pay now. You will pay for this for the next twenty years.
Please suggest your own sandwich recipes. I dare you to create an Owl Meat sandwich, but look at that adorable imp above before you launch that grenade.
Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
-- Will Rogers"