The "10 items or less" line is one of my pet peeves.
The grocery stores don't let the cashier say anything to the customer if said customer is over the limit, so of course the customer keeps thumbing their nose, so to speak, at the rule.
I don't mind if the customer has 11 or 12, but more than that and I become morally outraged...
James Bond always had such great hidden weapons. I wish that I had a shopping cart or basket that had a
hidden machine gun. Then, when I had someone in front of me that ignored the rule, I could blast them.
If the cashier had let them in if things were slow, that would be a different story.

My local Winn-Dixie recently got rid of their express lane, opting instead for self-checkout lanes. But when they had the express lane, more than once I heard the cashier tell people that their basket had way too many items to use the express lane.

I don't consider 6 yogurts one item though.

Yes, I have been known to stare at offender's orders, or do the darting eyes thing, between them and their order.

And I am in total agreement about torturing the forgetful clown that makes us all wait while they look for the medium hot salsa, or the soda that is on sale, or another of the "buy one get one free" items.

Hey how about the check writer who doesn't even BEGIN TO LOOK for their checkbook in their massive sack of a purse until the cashier is finished and tells them the amount.

grrrrrr....

Its kinda why I try to never shop on the weekends, it draws more of those folks out.

Ummmm...I think your response should be proportional to your irritation.

If you are only mildly p.o.'d, create a diversion and then slip, like, a ten-pack of batteries off the impluse-purchase rack into the offender's cart/basket.

If you are just short of screaming at the rude person, follow him to the parking lot and, as he is backing out, forcefully shove a cart into the side of his car.

Not to mention the bad grammar of "10 items or less".

I think the best way to count the items is to consider the number of scans needed to ring up the order, so 6 yogurt containers work out to 6 items. (Sorry, EL.) For produce, it depends on how it's priced. If tomatoes are $1.99/lb, whatever you can fit into one of those tear-off plastic produce bags counts as one item. If cantaloupes are $1.99 each, then each one you buy is a separate item, but if corn is priced at 12 ears for $1.99, then a dozen ears would count as one item.

careful with the anger. I use the Safeway in Canton and am regularly told to use the express lanes when there are not enough regular cashiers. Kind of awkward when you are told to go to express and then must suffer the glares from other shoppers who truly are express. I'm glad none of them had a machine gun in their carts.

I'm going to suggest that self-appointed Voice of Reason be changed to Splinter of Reason and hmpstd be annointed Dagger of Truth. Just an idea.

Well, this sounds like a good program for numerous government agencies. Perhaps Dept of Agriculture can get involved as it involves food, but we might need Dept of Commerce to enter the picture on account of weights and measures.

Some people don't like to go grocery shopping. It's a "chore." People can be rude and inconsiderate. For some reason, they feel entitled to their poor behavior and they're totally oblivious anyway. Sunday Drivers? These days, it's Sunday Shoppers.

Also, only organized and efficient people should be allowed to use the self-checkout. And NO, it's not a toy for your children to play with.

Raise your hand if you have expressed your umbrage at someone who has breached the "10 items or less" rule. I didn't think so. Rudeness rules in the USA and we have only ourselves to blame.

I think that a little bit of civility and restraint on your part is called for - is it really necessary to get bent out of shape over a 10 items or less offender? Don't sweat the small stuff.

No photo? Pish posh. I don't even know what that means. I guess I could have just posted "FIRST!!!" My photo would have been of Nigel Tufnel, who ruined the word ten for me forever. Because eleven is one betta.

I want to see Hal and hmpstd in a steel cage match. Arrrrgggg.....

People, people. life is too short to waste time fuming about inconsiderate louts. Just resolve to set a good example, she said, smiling sweetly. (But I confess I really like the idea of the shopping cart with the hidden machine gun, although a laser would be more my style).

Yeah, having spent my high school years working as a checker, I have to agree with hmpstd. 6 yogurts is 6 items. Items=scans. If someone used the theory of per pricing, you could have someone going through the Express lane with like, 60 items to scan. 10 yogurts for $5. 5 for $10 frozen dinners. And so on.

Consider the plight of the poor husband who never visits a supermarket if he can help it. His wife rouses him from the sofa and a pre-dinner snooze. She's fresh out of garlic powder. Would he run over to Stop, Shop and Loiter and pick up a jar. Does he have to? "Honey," she reminds him, "you know I can't make roast haunch of yak without garlic powder." So there he is, standing in the "express lane" with one crummy jar of garlic powder behind a long line of people who share the same conviction. That a dozen cans of soup, six shrink-wrapped packages of fish or an assortment of vegetables are technically just "one item." With any luck, he'll only have time to read the covers of the National Enquirer, Soap Opera Digest and fifteen or twenty other magazines before he makes his lonely little purchase. Without luck, he'll get stuck behind someone who thought that last week's two for one deal on preserved cunquats was still in effect and wants to discuss it with the manager. We've all been there. But what kind of husband won't endure at least a little angst for a beautifully cooked roast haunch of yak?

Sorry not PC but ...

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

I've been known to put an item or two back to get to 10 items so I could use the express lanes.

I thank cashiers who say something to people with too many items, and try not to get all passive aggressive on idiots who have more than 10 items. Just because they have no respect or consideration for anyone outside of their narrow skin doesn't mean they'll hear my imminantly reasonable screaming through their selfish deafness.

I end up going very early on Saturday - right after the farmer's Market. I try to walk the fine line between being late enough that all the specials are stocked and early enough to avoid the crowds. Even that early, it has started to get more crowded than I like.

I have been trying the self-check lines and really don't hate them. In fact, before I knew that Super Fresh did not accept coupons printed from the internet, I used several in the self-check line with no problem.

I nearly got myself killed at the local wallie world when i was in the 10 items or fewer lane, and two women with one cart in front of me had 46 items. After the first one finished putting her 20+ items on the conveyer and paid, I realized that "granny" still hadn't checked out.

So as she started putting her items on the belt, I began counting. When she asked why I was counting, I told her that it was 10 items, and that she must have miscounted, and so I was helping her.

Naturally, she and her daughter, who was actually her sister, went nuts and started hollering at me, the checker got in my face and it all became rather unpleasant.

I was accused of causing a commotion, because the checker wouldn't tell the women that they had too many items. I had two items, which I threw on the belt and didn't pay for.

Granny & co. accused me of being mean and nasty, and even racist, but 46 items in the 10 items or fewer lane is a bit much... in so many ways.

The inverse happens to me all the time. There is NO ONE in line in the express (15 or fewer) lines at the Safeway, and I can't use them because I have a lot of stuff in my cart. And then people with 5 items who could use the express lane get in the regular checkout lane in front of me. Morons. Why wouldn't one use the express checkout if it's empty?

Whatever has to be scanned and/or weighed and/or passed through the cashiers hands is one item.

Like hmpstd said, a bag of potatoes is one item, it's only scanned/weighed once. Six yogurts count as six. Each one has to be scanned.

Of course I hate plastic and won't use those bags for vegetables, so all my vegetables would be one item each.

The 6 yogurts=6 scans argument is debatable. Back when I was a cashier at Giant, if you had 6 yogurts (of the same brand/price), the cashier could enter "quantity 6" and scan one. It is not necessarily 6 scans.

I'm sure that hmpstd and myself would get along just fine. I have no idea why Owl Meat Hatemonger seems to be trying to provoke a fight between us.

I also am not sure what I did to offend C. Bell, but I must point out that I'm not the "self-appointed" voice of reason...that silly title was given to me by others here (I think Dahlink may have been one of them).

It all comes down to civility. Playing by the rules is the civil thing to do. Not going nuts on someone who doesn't is likewise. I find myself being very resentful of those who don't, but have to remind myself that what goes around comes around. If you have to wonder if you are breaking the ten-items rule, then you probably are. Have some courtesy and wait in the regular line. Look yourself in the mirror that night, and sleep peacefully.

>>
My last line said that if someone was there because of the cashier, that would be different.
Don't worry, I wouldn't blast you :-)

When I was on an exchange semester in the UK, the supermarket I shopped at had the ideal solution. Some lanes were designated "handbaskets only" AND they were too narrow for the carts to fit through. Wish we had the same set up here!

Well, if you go to the SuperFresh on 41st street, you will find many cashiers who will tell you if you are doing something wrong. I've been yelled at for not having my savings card ready, so I know they will yell at someone who violates the 10 item rule.

As for the Safeway in lower Charles Village, there is nothing express about that place. Russian novels move faster than Safeway's check out lines.

RoCK - evidently that is universal for Safeway - at least it is also true that in Owings Mills Safeway, you could definitely read a good part of War and Peace before being greated by the cashier.
Having said that, there is a group of Elite in Baltimore (and probably every other city). They know that their time and lives are more important than the rest of us and are their for entitled to illegally park against the curb in front of the grocery store or Starbucks, to park in handicapped spaces with no handicapped tag, to park in other people's reserved parking spaces and to go through the express check out with 40 items. Have they mentioned they're important?

Yes, I think I first suggested that Hal was the Voice of Reason on this blog.

I do choose my checkout line not only on the basis of length but also by the checker. I know that Sean will mangle my fresh flowers and squeeze the bread, but the nice lady two lines over will have a pleasant remark or two. Guess which line I pick, even if it's longer?

hahahah mitzi...that would be awesome. Except that people would hate me. I refuse to use carts and will put 60 lbs, literally, into a basket. I have marks on my arms by the time I leave the store, but I passionately despise carts. I hate having to try to manuever around other people with carts. I simply won't use them.

Ah, Safeway...The one at North Plaza is just as bad so it must be a "Safeway thing".

Also, at that same Safeway, I was nearly run over by a car than zoomed to the curb and the passenger jumped out and ran into the store.
As I got into the store just barely unscathed, I saw the passenger at the Starbucks counter paying for her coffee and watched as she ran to the car, jumped in, and zoomed away.

I also have been known to use very choice words when driving, but, since my windows are always up, no one hears it. Even so, I am working on looking past bad driving behavior and trying to "let it go." I have some success with this sometimes...other times I'd still like to use Dahlink's laser.

Mmmmm...roasted yak haunch. But garlic powder?? There's no excuse for not using fresh.

There's an irony here in that the modern technology is actually more cumbersome than the old style way of doing things. Many cashiers aren't permitted to use the "quantity" key unless it's produce sold by the piece, because it could conceivably screw up the inventory tracking. They might get away with hitting another key to repeat the previous entry, thus changing the quantity.

As a result, we wind up with the scans vs. item number debate without a real answer. I do like the "baskets-only" line idea, and I have a dim memory of another store which limited you to whatever you could physically carry in your arms.

We should save our anger for more important things and they are aplenty. Think: Iraq, our energy policy, our environmental policy, lack of any meaningful government regulation of bankers, etc. Now, about those people who add misery to our lives in the supermarkets, just smile and say thank you when they leave.

I was at Wegmans on a busy afternoon in the 7 items or less line when a woman pulled in line started unpacking her very overly full cart. This was not a situation where a cashier indicated that a customer could use an empty line (every line was busy) and I would easily forgive someone with 10 items since most stores don't have a 7 items line but I was amazed at how inconsiderate this shopper was. I looked at her and glanced up at the 7 items sign and she just glared at me and kept unloading. I suppose the customer service you get at Wegmans extends to not chastising a customer in line but I do wish the checker would have said something. The people coming up behind her in line were not too pleased.

and say thank you when they leave. Always be polite, thank them, or comment upon how kind and gracious it is of someone so important to allow you to be near them: 'Its not often I'm near a celebrity.' 'Your not? I just assumed you must be very important to take 2 carts of groceries through the 10-item lane.'

I'm with Bill and Amy--there sure is a lot of anger simmering here. Between this topic and the earlier one on pet peeves at the grocery store, I've realized that many of these mild-looking people I'm shopping next to are, in fact, dreaming of acts of violence against one another.

I admit to some nervousness about attending evening events in, say, the Station North Arts and Guns District, but now I see that all the scary people are actually at the grocery store pretending to be normal.

If you find yourself getting worked up over something like this, ask yourself "where have I erred?" Life's too short.

Well, it was only a matter of time before someone with a sense of moral superiority had to chastise us for complaining about minor irritants in a world full of major problems.

Yes, I get the world is full of real problems like war, death and disease. Yes, I get that complaining about issues like people who violate the ten items or less limit or people who say "less" when they should say "fewer" really isn't a productive use of time. Nevertheless, Kvetching like this is a part of human nature. No doubt, when the Romans should have been complaining about the evils of empire, there were many of them complaining that the bread line was moving too slow or people were pushing in the circus line. And you know what; I can sympathize with their complaints.

I kvetch, therefore, I am.

Robert of the Crossed Keys ... Burn him, he's a witch!

Robert of Cross Keys

All politics are local and dare I say personal

Ninjas are everywhere. Don't mess with the 10 items or less line. We are watching and lurking.

http://www.realultimatepower.net/index4.htm

Thank you RoCK, well said!!!
I guess it is not politically correct to even vent to each other anymore.
Geez, let's all crawl back to our holes and not have any more human contact, because we may offend someone...

On the don't sweat the small things issue ...

I'm still perplexed by the Lego BIble post from recently where Jesus was like yeah I'm pimp-stylin', a'cause poor peeps is always gonna be around but me? Not so much.

I know the Lego Bible never lies, but I'm still waiting for a theological justification. It sounds, well, Republican. Plus JC said "nards".
Let's see, ...
http://www.thebricktestament.com/the_life_of_jesus/jesus_and_the_poor/jn12_01pmt26_06pjn12_02.html

The big things are just an accumulation of the small things.

I suggest an all out war of all against all, Hobbes fantasy style. A massive random reduction in the population is the only way to fix the energy crisis. Fewer people, just enough oil. Bring on the ninjas. The Black Plague reduced Europe's population by half during what is now called the Dark Ages. Outcome: the Rennaissance. Too many new souls now. I like grapes.

Hue wrote All politics are local and dare I say personal which reminded me of what a hard time I had when we first moved to Baltimore from Switzerland. The Swiss are, as we all know, uber-efficient, and the stores in Baltimore were anything but. I would stand there with my 10 items and fume while the checker chatted with the customer. But I'm completely over that now.

If they can program the cash register computers to figure out how much 2 items at "7 for $4.25" costs, they can program the "express lane" register to stop after "n + 2" items and total the order. This might give a person the idea that 46 items is too much (but I don't really think that the people who do such things really care).

oh, OMG, I can't believe you did a post on over population and you didn't use the M for Malthus in your Acronym.

Come on, Owlie. You know Gotham is worth saving!

What is wrong with you and your exegesis? You just need some bourbon, sweetheart.

What the heck is nard?

And I seriously doubt Mary was a blonde.

Owl Meat, you lost me on the link from the Black Plague to the Renaissance.
Somehow I missed the cause and effect here.

LJ -- Wiktionary defines nard as a "flowering plant of the Valerian family that grows in the Himalayas of China, used as a perfume, an incense, a sedative, and an herbal medicine said to fight insomnia, flatulence, birth difficulties, and other minor ailments[; or the] oil from the plant."

Add another acolade - hmpstd - NardMaster

Cause and effect? Oh I left out my obscure reasoning. You see, new souls are inferior to reincarnated older souls, so a reduction in population recycles souls and you get better people, thus the Rennaissance. This is where people think about throwing their drinks at me. Hmmm, minty.

OMG, somehow this theory got left out of my history classes! Hang on a sec while I figure out where I left my drink ...

I know! It's so simple though. Population decreases means lower tax revenues so the govt will never sanction it and the govt leads us to our Malthusian demise.

Thou shalt have no other gods before me? Well, if you are the only god then why are you so insecure? Oh, yeah, because then we would "sacrifice" i.e., give wealth to cooler gods than thou. I am a selfish bitch god. I want free stuff please. Come on down, the price is right. Do you know that the sacrifices that ancient Israelites HAD to give to the temple once a year were not actually sacrificed on the altar, but sold to butchers and tent makers such as Saul/Paul? Yeah, tha'st called taxation. It's not in the history books because I invented it or stole it (the theory, not the facts) from someone. Here's another point where people tend to want to throw drinks in my face ... the Bible was written by the government (2 different ones) and its main objectives are ALWAYS staying in power and maintaining order (so it can stay in power, And collecting taxes so it can stay in power). Although like everything in the Bible, the mass suicide at Masada is the exception that proves the rule, but they were Zealots and hardly mainstream. Think Ruby Ridge or Jonestown. Actually, I don't believe that. The Bible is a rag tag collection of bullshit meant to subjugate a bitch-slapped people whose only lasting grace was their love of bookkeeping. Hence they kept some books. There is no lasting Hebrew literature except that which justifies the power of the State. Word to your Bookbinder!

I believe that the written word is a travesty that alienates one from the true spirit of nature. Word? No! Yeah, thus everything I'm doing now is pointless. I know. Maybe my next incarnation will be less ridiculous.

The lovely Amanda (you have no idea how awesome that nickname is, thanks dudes) is still attending a combined professional / nostalgia event in Cambridge Mass and I am so over sandwiches now. Really, I had sandwiches all weekend long and I'm good now.

Oh My Godhead! Don't encourage OMG on the whole plague/rennaisance thing. People HATE that. I'm not sure why, but it is possibly the MOST alienating thing he has ever brought up in public, except possibly (sorry) for complimenting women on their cunning stunts. It drives people nuts. IF you have a deep understanding of Catholic history/history then it makes sense, but it is so objectionable to people that I suspect there might be some truth in it. Aren't the most objectionable things those in which we see truth that we fear?

It's easier to get people to buy into the new X Files movie than question their core beliefs about the nature of life and death. BTW that movie looks great. Gillian Anderson looks fantastic! Hey, have you seen Californication? Holy Guernsey, last season was hilarious.

Owlie, are you driking too much or too little? I'm a little worried about the influence of Bourbon Girl and Bacon Girl. It sounds like you've been dating Hannah Arendt, aka Banality Girl.

You're drinking at 10:30 am, Dahlink?

I am a little confused by the nard story. It does lend some confusing light on all public policy issues that are beyond by grasp. It also seems frankly quite selfish and egotistical. Why would the editors have included it in such a work of literature? It definitely skews the message.

Well, OMG, I think what you may be espousing is some sort of equating the plague and the Rennaisance with what in economics is called the creative destructive process. Sometimes you need to free up resources for a better tomorrow, but the only way to do that is to destroy what is using those resources today.

We could take this topic to food. Let's say we have a restaurant that has a good chef but bad food supplies. Well, the full potential of the chef is being wasted. We need that restaurant to fail, so that the talents of the chef can be liberated. That chef could then use his resources at a restaurant with good food supplies. In the end, the benefit is a positive. We are now using resources efficiently, but in order to get this we needed the original restaurant to fail.

Oh, and speaking of being efficient, if anyone asks, I'm still on my lunch break.

OMG wrote Maybe my next incarnation will be less ridiculous.

I can hardly restrain myself. But I will. Comment squelched.

Confidential to Hal, VoR--check out the cartoon on p. 60 of the new New Yorker (July 28th issue). Someone read your mind!

No fair, Dahlink! I don't have a copy of the New Yorker to find out what the heck you're talking about.

I can't let hmstd have all the fun:

New Yorker cartoon.

Well so much for trying to link. #$!@#%#^*

Maybe twice will be the charm.

who knows

I took out the infamous X, first. I'm concerned because in preview the link is underlined.

You were right to be concerned. If the link is underlined, it won't work. I put in the missing quotation mark after the first equal sign. EL

RtSO - great cartoon!!

I try to overlook "strange" usages, but I had to stop and look again when I saw a help wanted sign noting that "applications are currently being excepted".

[Fist pumping like a sports fool] YES!!!!!!!!

Now back to proper decorum: thanks for the edit. The moral: we all need a good copy editor. Maybe Mr. McIntyre will now let you use his office scooter.

I don't end up in the express lane too often, but what I don't understand is the person with one or two items who jumps in line behind me at a clearly marked regular lane after I've started unloading a cart full of groceries, and then stands there, dollar in hand and sighing, as though they should somehow get to jump ahead. I always want to turn and say, you know, they HAVE an express lane. Most of the time I just go real slow to piss them off.

terriermom--I missed your question earlier. In actual fact, I was drinking a skinny latte from my favorite (doomed) Starbucks, because I took a vacation day after taking my younger son to BWI to fly far away for his first real job (sniff!) But my missive to OMG was a purely metaphorical drink in the face in response to his provocation. Not that I would ever do such a thing off-blog ...