The Attack of the Crab Monsters review
The time has come to see what Film Critic Extraordinaire Michael Sragow thinks of that cult classic Attack of the Crab Monsters. I'm hoping that some of you couldn't resist and also got it from Video Americain or Netflix and can tell us what you think.
Here's his review: ...
No matter the time of day (or for that matter stage of life), whenever you see Attack of the Crab Monsters, it will always be 1 a.m. to 2:10 a.m. on the first long night of the weekend and you will be 12 years old.
Mindless titillation it may be -- but can you really call a movie "mindless" when it revolves around giant mutated land crabs who eat their human victims' brains and assume their mental ability and powers of speech? (Not to mention the ability to throw their victims' voices in the most peculiar ways; at one point a monster talks through an ashtray.)
In the post-Godzilla set-up, scientists intent on charting the impact of H-bomb blasts arrive on an a crumbling Pacific atoll, replacing a previous group that disappeared. Need I say more?
You can imagine the ingredients. In fact, one of the virtues of a frugal sci-fi movie -- this one cost $70,000 -- is that you can keep imagining and re-imagining the ingredients even as you watch it. They include rubbery claws that would seem like something out of a joke shop if they weren't so huge. (OK, maybe they're from the Giant Squid Joke Shop). And the shapely biologist who gets lots of swim-time in a fetching one-piece -- unfortunately, no costume references here to the Bikini atoll.
Roger Corman co-produced and directed (from a script by another low-budget vet, his co-producer Charles B. Griffith); and he uses everything within his budget to keep things moving, including library clips of atomic blasts and tsunamis and underwater scenes that could have been shot at the bottom of a hydroponics tank. The scariest image is, of course, off-camera: it comes from a swabbie saying even normal land crabs could devour wounded Marines in minutes.
The funniest moment is partly off-camera, too: it comes when a portly scientist climbs a rope to freedom and you can just imagine the unseen gofers pushing him up on their shoulders.
You get all this in an experience so outlandish it will never interfere with your ability to eat the most delicate crustacean sensations.
I say, pass the dip.
Comments
Bravo, bravo!
My thanks to Mr. Sragow for conceding to public pressure and therefore reviewing the movie.
In a fit of insanity, I have moved it up to the top of my list on Netflix and will be watching it soon. (I wonder if Netflix tracks trends, and notices an uptick in that movie rental in Baltimore?)
Posted by: Susan | June 6, 2008 10:38 AM
Could you review my daughter's wedding video now?
Posted by: Rev'Ed | June 6, 2008 11:13 AM
Thank you, Mr. Sragow. As one who petitioned you, this is a nice edition to Crab Week.
Having said thanks, now (since everyone is a critic) let's talk about the 'review.' Its rather like a cheap crabcake. Long on filler (plot synopsis and technical background of production) but little meat. Its seems the perfect Crab Week movie and review.
Posted by: Robert (the Single One) | June 6, 2008 11:39 AM
I've always liked this poster by Mark Wheatly
http://www.comicscommunity.com/boards/insight/?frames=n;read=13408&expand=1
Posted by: Kevin | June 6, 2008 12:12 PM
it will always be 1 a.m. to 2:10 a.m. on the first long night of the weekend and you will be 12 years old.
Ah...Creature Feature.
Posted by: Rosebud | June 6, 2008 1:10 PM
The best way to reach an audience with a speech is to hit on all the senses in your speech (or blog), because people are sparked by different things. So I'm in favor of all variety of things crab. Think about what a real world activity steamed crabs are:
(1) Touch - incredibly tactile, smashing things with mallets, pulling, tearing ...
(2) Sound - slurp, crunch, burp, social chatter ...
(3) Taste - salty, sweet, pungent, beery, ...
(4) Smell - Old Bay, beer, crab, ...
(5) Sight - could be done if blind, but sight is a nice addition.
Not much mental activity, maybe that's why OMG doesn't dig the crab feast. I've heard he is just a disembodied head that lives in a jar of Fresca with Wi-Fi. |8>(
The other suggestion is to picture people naked, but I would imagine that would be overwhelming for Fearless Leader. I've noticed some people are really concrete in their interests, one chicklet seems to bring music into almost anything (great) and a certain Other Manic Guy sometimes lives in a world that exists only in his head. (I'm guilty of that sometimes too.) Bring it, one and all.
Posted by: voodoopork | June 6, 2008 1:12 PM
Sorry, been floggin' my noggin for ump-while but I've got no crabspiration on apprope tunes or bands. Check one two.
Posted by: Rock Chicklet | June 6, 2008 3:03 PM
There's always "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes." Not crabs, but still edible. Remember: "When food bites man, that's news."
Posted by: Mr. Old Fart | June 6, 2008 3:52 PM