In all fairness, you should have to review something that is equally unpalatable, like

Hot Pockets Croissant Crust (formerly Croissant Pockets) Chicken Alfredo

Mmmm ... Attack of the Hot Pockets Chicken Alfredo Croissant, now that's a scary mutant. Watch as it oozes out of it's pastry-like corpse. Shudder as it tears through your guts. Writhe in pain, filled with remorse and intestinal cramping.

Hot Pockets! Review Pockets!

For newcomers who haven't seen Jim Gaffigan's take om Hot Pockets. Hilarious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFFTwnYXI20

Are you secretly Sragow using a nom de plume? EL

If I was Mike, you'd be having to hide from me right about now. :-)

I couldn't find any of the Alfredo Pockets locally, but just to tempt you I have found the ingredients for Crossaint Pockets Chicken Broccoli & Cheddar:

INGREDIENTS: Unbleached Enriched Flour (Wheat Flour, Malted Barley Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamin Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Water, Cooked White Meat Chicken, White Turkey Added (White Meat Chicken, White Meat Turkey, Water, Salt, Enzymes, Annatto), Margarine [Partially Hydrogenated, Soybean Oil, Liquid And/Or Partially-Hydrogenated Cottonseed Oil, Water, Soy Lecithin, Vegetable Mono-And Diglycerides, Artificial Flavor, Vitamin A Palmitate, May Contain: Sugar, Potassium Sorbate, Citric Acid, Sodium Benzoate, Artificial Color (Beta Carotene, Annatto, Turmeric)], Contains Less Than 2% Of: Seasoning [Dried Whey, Cheddar [Cheddar Cheese (Milk, Cheese Culture, Salt, Enzyme), Salt, Buttermilk (Milk, Culture), Enzyme Modified Cheddar Cheese (Milk, Sodium Citrate, Cheese Culture, Salt, Enzymes, Potassium Sorbate), Reduced Lactose Whey, Coconut Oil, Maltodextrin, Disodium Phosphate, Blue Cheese (Milk, Cheese Culture, Salt, Enzymes), Citric And Lactic Acid, Yellow #5 & 6], Onions, Celery, Spices And Seasoning [Dehydrated Chicken Meat, Salt, Dehydrated Onion, Hydrolyzed (Soy, Corn Gluten, Wheat Gluten), Protein, Modified Corn Starch, Dextrose, Utilized Yeast, Dehydrated Dijon Mustard (Mustard Flour, Dried Vinegar (Maltodextrin, Modified Corn Starch, Vinegar), Torula Yeast, White Whine Powder (Modified Corn Starch, Corn Syrup Solids, Succinct Acid, Natural Flavors, Benzoic Acid), Onion Powder Garlic Powder And Spices), Chicken Fat, Natural Flavors, Spices, Dehydrated Worcestershire Sauce (Corn Syrup, Salt, Caramel Color, Garlic Sugar, Spices, Soy Sauce (Soybeans, Wheat, Salt), Partially-Hydrogenated Cottonseed And Soybean Oil, Tamarind, Natural Flavor), Lactic Acid, Yellow #5 And 6, Caramel Color, Coffee Solids, Vinegar Solids, Natural Smoke Flavor], Sugar, Dried Whey, Salt, Sodium Citrate, Citric Acid, Turmeric Extract (Color), Yellow 6], Modified Food Starch, Dough Conditioner (Calcium Sulfate, Salt, Garlic Powder, L-Cysteine HCI, Tricalcium Phosphate, Enzymes), Caramel Color.

I am particularly fascinated by "White Whine Powder". Scarier than crab monsters.

You made that up. EL

Well, maybe you better pack your desk up and ask to work from home. I have a feeling that Mike is going to be looking for you soon, once he starts getting deluged with emails from your deranged subjects.
Maybe we should knight him or something? I guess Court Jester would not be looked upon favorably.

I did not make it up:
http://www.peapod.com/itemDetail_frame.jhtml?productId=48149&storeId=9&NUM=1210188964454

Also the last place you would expect to find "coffee solids". I can't even read the list without getting a little dizzy.

On a fairly regular basis Chris Kaltenbach does movie reviews for the Sun. Perhaps if Mr. Sragow is too busy, uninterested, important or disdainful of participating in Sandbox activities, Mr. Kaltenbach would be amenable to contributing one of his fine reviews to such an important event. Who knows, there could be a Pulitzer in this for someone.

Ok everybody, here is the challenge: I have the honor (?) of sending the first
of, (I hope), many emails to Mike.
Here is his reply:
You've drawn first blood! Congratulations, and duly noted...M

Let's put the pressure on!!!

Add my name to the list of Sragow pesterers.

VDP's first post reads a lot like Stephen King. And then we get Susan practically throwing down the gauntlet of battle that got me thinking about "West Side Story." I sure hope Sragow has a sense of humor.

Btw - does anyone know where Sessa stands? Assuming of course that Sragow claims Kaltenbach. At least we have Lindner on our side.

I'll be walking past the Sun building on Calvert Street at about 5:15 today - I wonder if I'll see fireworks. (Confidential to EL: I'm wearing a red shirt in case you need to stop me for assistance.)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0050147/

Cool! The Professor from "Gilligan's Island" is in this flick.

I would say leave the poor guy alone. Can you imagine a job that is at times horrible because you HAVE to watch really bad movies. And the movie stars Russell Johnson, the professor from Gilligan's Island. Summer is coming up and the poor guy is going to have to sit through and write about whatever teen fare is barfed up like I Really Still Know What You Did Last Summer, or Saw 6: The Unkindest Cut of All, American Pie Presents Camp Booby Booby, or Seriously Dude, Where's My Car or Veggie Tales: The Carrot is Satan. (Satan's first trick was being delicious and crunchy.)

Oh Sam Sessa you torment me so. What if I were to pester you? I would make you cry with tears staining your cowboy shirt and acid washed jeans. No more pester!!! Whoooosh ...........

Mr. Sragow claims he's caving.

Any movie with half-naked women can't be all that bad, can it?

Exactly. I hope you'll tell him that in your e-mail. EL

Oh My Gonads, why don't Pierre and Sam Sessa just get a room!

If you're going to make him watch cheesy movies, you could at least give him a couple of wise-cracking robot pals.

The Professor also starred in the magnificent This Island Earth (of MST3K fame). Sadly though, it looks like this is one of the few Roger Corman movies that MST3K didn't cover.

This is so wrong. Having had my fridge outed, I'm appointing myself captain of Team Sragow. Yes, there will be t-shirts.

If I may be so rude to ask, what is the origin of the name Gailor? It's an interesting name, even if your fridge isn't. :=)

It's a family surname. EL

Mr. Sragow just sent me the following:

Robert, may you be the first to know I have completely capitulated before the power of the Sandbox and will save all my comments on crab monsters for Crab Week.
Mike

Victory for the Sandbox.