« The Spam Index | Main | The mysterious airline chicken breast »

May 29, 2008

Beef fat again already



Just when I was feeling so depressed, this mystery product came in an e-mail from Owl Meat to cheer us all up. It even has visuals. Pictured to the left is one of the fabulous prizes if you guess right, a pony named Snickers. Below is a photo of Owl Meat's breakfast cereal. Remember the rules. No Googling of ingredients. Cheating ruins the fun for everybody. ...


(Photo courtesy of 

Producto Jueves del Misterio

(Mystery Product Thursday)

I was craving some autolyzed yeast extract this morning, so I had a forkful of this with my Quisp cereal.  Mmmmmm .... what could this be?  They might serve it in restaurants (but they might tell you the guanylate is homemade).

INGREDIENTS:  Modified Wheat Starch, Maltodextrin, Salt, Enriched Wheat Flour (Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin, And Folic Acid), Dextrose, Whey Solids, Monosodium Glutamate (Flavor Enhancer), Hydrolyzed Corn Gluten, Soy Protein, And Wheat Gluten, Modified Corn Starch, Buttermilk Solids, Nonfat Dry Milk, Caramel Color, Onion, Autolyzed Yeast Extract, Natural Flavors, Thiamine Hydrochloride, Tartaric Acid, Disodium Insinuate And Disodium Guanylate (Flavor Enhancers), Black Pepper, Beef Fat, Extractives Of Beef, Malic Acid, And Sulfiting Agents.

Today's prize is a butterscotch candy I found in my jeans jacket pocket, a hand-embroidered pillow that I stuffed with dryer lint, or a Shetland pony named Snickers.


Posted by Elizabeth Large at 12:36 PM | | Comments (143)


Yay, another mystery product post!

I used to love Quisp and Quake as a kid, are they back?

on to the mystery product...

is it hash browns? maybe not, no potato. That weird gravy they put on biscuits?

This will require some thought (in rare supply, generally) because I don't know which prize is the bestest of all: an heirloom butterscotch candy preserved in a jeans' pocket or a dryer lint pillow. Oh the bounty of the prizes. (And the pony is cute, too.)

I was going to say Lipton Beefy Onion Soup Mix but the buttermilk solids have me stymied.

No thanks on the pony; I have enough trouble cleaning up after myself.

At first glance it is some sort of cracker, but beef flavoring says maybe a soy or veggie burger?

Is it stuffing?

Well, sadly for me, I think my Florida bother Robert has got it in one. Remeber, a primary ingredient, like potatoes in a potato product need not be listed because its assumed.

I'm off to look in old jeans' pockets. I want a butter scotch candy.

Did I mention that the butterscotch candy has no wrapper? You might get some lint in that deal too. Now that I think of it, I haven't worn my jean jacket since I visited Nana Gewürztraminer in Germany in 1982, before the RLS got her. Memories ... wow I was really rockin' the blond soul patch back then.

Is it bologne?

As in the Twinkie, the beef fat is a bit of a red herring. Keep trying and be specific. Did I mention that Snickers can count to 5?

All ingredients are listed. One potato, two potato? NO POTATOES. The contest tyranny of the Robs must stop. No potato for you! Uh oh, emergency, I think Snickers is choking on the butterscotch candy! How do you Heimlich a horse?

Is it cheese flavored cream of wheat? Gack!

I'm guessing vegetarian sausage of some kind.

I really like all the diverse answers. Cheese flavored cream of wheat? Bravo, that is really gross. I will give you a hint:, the product name does not mention beef.

I was going to guess Marmite, but I don't think there's anything beefy about that.

...some kind of instant grits?

Beef ramen noodles?

OMG wrote: "Did I mention that Snickers can count to 5?"

Alex the famous grey parrot, could count up to 6, which makes Snickers less mathematically inclined than a bird!

Creamed chipped beef?

RtSO, I didn't know that about the primary ingredient, thanks for the heads up.

the pepper and onion in it suggest that maybe it is a veggie sausage.

iheartthisgame might be on to something..

I'd guess scrapple, but there aren't enough animal parts in the ingredient list....hmmm, vegetarian scrapple?

Croutons? (Pulling my hair out!)

Cheeseburger milkshake?

But you can't ride a parrot, Dahlink.

Well, since Mr. Owl has sent me off, I'll go, quietly, after I remind the Sandbox of the hint (I think) provided: eaten with a fork, for breakfast.

Okay, okay, stop pushing, I'm leaving, I'm leaving.

Ha! I just googled the ingredient list and smoke started coming out of my PC. You can't even cheat on this one. Google didn't have the right answer. It is amazing how many diverse products can be conjured up from this list of junk. Remember when Kramer gave his horse a bucket of Beef-a-roni? Well it's not Beef-a-roni. Want a clue?

There is no liquid to speak of, so it must be some kind of dry mix. I would have said beef gravy mix except for the candy hints. Could this actually be butterscotch pudding mix?

Wait a minute, I got it ... Instant umami pudding!

A sane person would not eat this with a fork for breakfast. That was a joke, not a clue.

Some kind of disgusting English meat pastry?

Owl Meat Helper? Owl Meat-aroni, the San Francisco treat? Something from the Korean market, like Happy Family Funtime Cookie?

Can't be veggie burger because of the beef fat and beef extractives.

who about scrambled eggs made with eggbeaters with the yellow added?

Four o'clock hint: while you could eat this as is, you shouldn't. It needs to be mixed with something else to make it the way it was intended to be consumed. There is also a local connection to this delicacy.

MD Canon, you are the closest so far. You get a special prize for the most clever description of umami pudding. Genius. It is a dry gravy mix but it is NOT beef flavored. Sure there's beef flavor in it, but it is marketed under a totally different non-beef flavor. It's by McCormick, that's the local connection (weak, I know).

Freeze dried stew? Pot pie pixie sticks?

I was going to say instant grits, Yankee-style, but I don't think McCormick makes grits.

I think I know the answer, but Sir Owl Meat has declared us Robs to sit this one out.

my guess: does it have something to do with another esteemed poster's name on this fine blog?

I don't want to play your game, anymore.

I bet it is breakfast sausage.

Is it country style gravy mix?

What are you talking about? Without Robs we would be just DarlinkaRosaTerrierLissas. Or some other gyno-Franken-blogster. Ladies be strong against the Owl Meat. I can only do so much. He knows where I live. Arrrrggggggg!!!!!!! His Mystery Cult is frightening. It seems like a harmless game but it is a Masonic ritual! Repent! Dont look Snickers in th eye!!! He has equine hypnotic powers AND he can count to five. Avert! Avert! Owl Meat is a corporate goon, He will .... glurg glurg ... bluuuuh ....

Seriously, Rob from PCP FL, get out of my head! From now on I am going to sllghtly change the spelling of things so that you can't cheat. Do you have any idea how upset Snickers is? He can only count to three now.

Oh gang, that was an excellent round of Producto Jueves del Misterio.
If you want the answer now go to HERE.

I'll bet you didn't see that one coming.
It's not a typo; I triple checked my sources. How dumb
does corporate America think we are? Just about that dumb.
So ridiculous that we would buy a product with none of
the actual main ingredient in it. Umami pudding and the
power of suggestion!

Snickers is a little drunk, so we are going to take him out to the barn for some well-deserved hay time. MD Canon is the closest to winning, so it's pony rides for you and your kith/kin for a year. But be careful Snickers and his mate Snapple bite some times. I can't really control that -- they like what they like. Please do not wear Old Spice.

I don't care, I still want a butterscotch.

Oh, how low McCormick has fallen.

And I remember so fondly drinking tea at the McCormick tea house when it was located at the harbor. And we grew up eating McCormick mayonaise.

Pork gravy mix with no pork? Gak!!

Beef fat and extractives of beef in a pork gravy mix ... who'da thunk it?

I didn't cheat, that wouldn't be any fun! I hope Snickers is better now.

Maybe the "Natural Flavors" in the ingredient list include some pork-like "natural" flavoring substance? After all, "Natural Flavors" are listed ahead of the "Beef Fat" and "Extractives Of Beef", albeit (sadly) behind the MSG.

Not to worry, though, Sandbox -- once the miracle fruit catches on, all flavors will be relative.

Snickers is sleeping it off. Since he can only count to five, that sixth Appletini sent him over the edge. Nothing worse than a drunk pony.

I don't really want to ponder the essence of pork flavor. It's too weird. Why not just add some pork extract, some voodoo pork, if you will. I am disappointed that all Mr VoodooPork came up with was cheeseburger milkshake -- freakazoid. I suppose this technically could be kosher, but why?. My favorite is still umami pudding. There's always room for umami pudding pops.

(Passing on the ponies ...) I'll be sure to pick up a couple of butterscotches while I do the grocery shopping this morning, to celebrate my near encounter with correctness.

Meanwhile, do you suppose that subbing milk for the water and adding an egg yolk or two might actually produce umami pudding?? Serve chilled with a garnish of Parmesan flakes and a sliver of toasted nori? Just wondering.

MD Canon, you are demented. I could see them marketing this product in England as Suffolk pudding or something.

How a can of Yoder's pork pudding?

How is that fair? Nobody could guess that pork gravy has beef and no pork. That's madness. Hey Meat, I found a way for you to attend future events and still stay incognito (even though I know your secret identity):

While I'm waiting for my mustache wax to set, I thought I'd opine about fakiness in American food.
1) I'm surprised when anything is real. Go to the Bay Cafe for Friday Happy Hour and you'll see my point.
2) Aren't those ingredients similar to the Twinkie?
3) I'd say I'm dating myself, but I don't bend that way... Anybody remember when monkfish was called mock lobster?
4) Mock Apple Pie (Why? Why? Why?)
Pastry for two-crust 9-inch pie
36 RITZ Crackers, coarsely broken, plus water,sugar, cream of tartar, lemon juice, Lemon peel, margarine, & cinnamon.
5) Mock turtle soup? See disgusting recipe below (calf brain):

That's all I remember. My mustache is now a deadly weapon -- of style. Any others?

terriermom: What's even more disturbing than that main picture is the photostream of canned meats to the right. Brains and feet and ... it's almost to turn one vegan.

Rev. Ed, I do remember "mock lobster," so are we co-geezers? I also seem to remember a rumor that some unscrupulous fishmongers would cut out discs of monkfish to sell as scallops--don't know if it was ever substantiated. I never did understand using Ritz Crackers instead of apples in a pie...was there a serious shortage of apples at some point in time? As for turtle soup, The Joy of Cooking has recipes for real AND mock turtle's that for choice? (Things like this are why I love to read cookbooks.)

100 feet Chiclet. 100 feet. That's what the judge said.

Why would anybody eat a cracker pie? That's a joke right?

I have a vague memory of visiting my cousins when I was little and eating something my dad called Jewish lobster. It was some kind of fish that they pretended was lobster but it was kosher, so it was lobster. Crazy crazy cousins. I'm pretty sure I hated it since I knew what real lobster tasted like. It was like chunks of fish in a V8 soup. Arghhhhh....

Geezer Power Dottie! Yeah rumors about scallops being monkfish or shark stamped out. I never got to the bottom of that. MOst of my life has spent trying to expose the fraudulent moon landings.

Fish scams are very common. Don't get me started on "lake trout" or "scrod". You would expect people to be more sophisticated nowadays, but you never know. I heard stingray for scallops too, When red snapper was really popular people were selling something else as snapper. Here's a story of a guy selling Vietnamese catfish as grouper -- over a MILLION pounds in Panama City FL. He could get 25 years in jail. So watch out Rob from PCB, the fish cops are vigilant.

Ew. Thanks for the creepy visuals Rev. Ed. I'm beginning to think that you are not really a man of the cloth or if so then I'm seeing a shiny red Lycra suit possibly accessorized with a pitchfork. !-)

I always thought the fake scallop thing was just an urban legend, but there is anecdotal info on the web that points to skate being used as such. Yeah, I know that's not proof. Shark doesn't resemble scallops, but maybe skate does.

Here's an interesting article on fish fraud. Highlights:
The St. Petersburg Times surveyed 11 restaurants offered grouper on their menus and DNA tests revealed many were serving cheaper substitutes.
DNA testing on fish? Now that's real evidence.

This is a review of a Bethesda burger joint. I submitted it because the description of the "monster burger" (end of the second paragraph). Unfortunately only the print version has a pic of the thing.

I remember a Julia Child segment where she talked about distinguishing 'real' scallops: more cream coloured, not so pure white; not uniform in shape and many real scallops have a light orange bit on them (row).

Terriermom, what's up, I thought you were nice? I'm much thinner than Hot Pockets Satan.

The Monster Burger weighs 15 pounds? I have only one thing to say about that:

U S A !
U S A !
U S A !
U S A !
U S A !

Manifest destiny! This is related to recycling too: Some evangelicals believe that God wants us to use up all the Earth's resources before Jesus will return. I think by eating a 15 pound cheeseburger, you just might get to meet him sooner than you expected.

File this under "That's Why the Rest of the World Hates Us."

many real scallops have a light orange bit on them (row)

It's "roe", often called "coral". I don't think I've ever seen scallops served with the roe in the US, at least I don't remember it. I've only had it in Europe.

I don't know about all this real/fake scallops stuff. For me the only way to eat scallops now is raw. You would think that because cooked scallops seem so fibrous, that raw scallops might be tough. Das ist nicht so! Oh, the best way is to go to a really good sushi place, where they have live scallops. MInato's usually has them on the weekends, but they are scarce, so Friday is a better bet than Saturday. The sushi chef brings the live scallop out and opens it with a knife and then cuts out the muscle (the scallop). He then slices it into four pieces and serves it as sashimi. Do it sashimi style because the flavors are so delicate and fresh, you don't want wasabi, soy, or rice interfering. And it is so tender that it's hard to believe that is a muscle. Which reminds me of the time I was mildly hallucinating from eating live scallop liver. Ichiban!

I think this is a case of inductive logic (?), but given that Julia Child was one of the world's great food experts and that she knew the difference between real and fake scallops, wouldn't you conclude that fake scallops existed? Of course, there is a difference between natural scallops (dry) and real scallops treated with chemicals to make them whiter and plump up with water. I avoid scallops entirely now because you just don't know what you're getting in a restaurant and I don't want to eat chemical phosphates (STP) nor do I want my kids to.

As I wrap up this week, iron my cape and prepare for a weekend of crime fighting, I will leave you with Un Producto del Misterio de la Prima (Bonus Mystery Product):

INGREDIENTS: Tapioca Dextrose, Potato Starch, Matzo Meal (Passover Wheat Flour & Water), Salt, Cottonseed Oil, Caramel Color, Onions, Tomatoes, Mushrooms, Garlic, White Pepper, Paprika.

Hint: It's not mock Jewish apple pie. Prizes? First prize: My recipe for mock turtleneck soup. Second prize: a set of steak knives. Third prize is ... you're fired! Hasta luego.

Sorry, I did know and mean roe. The seafood counter at Graul's has scallops with roE still attached.

As a recent near winner it is only fair that I sit this one out.

I would like some sort of official confirmation of something I've heard, however. Is it not true that ingredients are listed in the order of greatest to least proportion? If so, I would pass this up in a hurry, since my favorite ingredients -- and how nice to have them all in English this time! -- are at the end of the list.


As far as I know and I sincerely hope that all ingredients are listed by order of mass (if not weight on Earth). There are no tricks on my part, but who knows what the government does. As far as I now, they list all ingredients by weight. And just because you were only a near winner doesn't disqualify you, in fact it make you the front runner! Go Canon! Go Canon! Yes, according to the FDA all ingredients are listed according to their gram weight contribution, so ... there's probably more potato starch than paprika. Sorry.

Thanks Dottie!
I watch that channel all the time but hadn't seen that story.

the mystery product sounds kinda gross.

Some kind of kosher soup mix? What is tapioca dextrose or is a comma missing?

From memory, when we first played this game many months ago, and the 'game' was a turkey roast, turkey was not listed. At the time a certain level of moral outrage was expressed, but it was pointed out that an obvious ingredient (such as turkey in a turkey roast) didn't have to be listed. Bizarre as that might be, that's what we were told at the time (according to my potentially poor memory.) If I'm wrong, I would invite correction, but that would be a redundancy.

Now, I'm going back to picking lint off the peppermint I found in a pants pocket. Its not a butterscotch, but it was free.

Uncle Shecky's Unleavened Stovetop Stuffing. Blech.

Is RevEd another incarnation of OMG, VD Pork, Chino, etc.? Is Amanda his feminine side? Somehow he seems lacking in qualities I usually associate with a man of the cloth, but maybe it's lost in translation.

If only I could find something mysterious and delicious. I will try. Sometimes I feel toxic just from looking at all these monstrosities. The last one is fairly healthy, just not at all appealing.

Except for the tomatoes I guess that could pass for something Moses might whip up, say Exodus Helper? As a total aside ... cotton seed oil? When did cotton become a food? Didn't MIlo Minderbinder from Catch-22 make everybody sick by serving them chocolate covered cotton balls?
:O) emoti-pig is back.

Stop hogging the computer piglet, the TV isn't going to watch itself, now scat.

No that doesn't sound very appetizing, but in French ... tres bon!

Ingrédients : Dextrose de tapioca, fécule de pommes de terre, repas de Matzo (farine de blé de pâque et l'eau), sel, huile de coton, couleur de caramel, oignons, tomates, champignons, ail, poivre blanc, paprika.

Now that sounds delicious. I'll bet it sounds scary in German though.

The return of emoti-pig? Okay, I need one too then:
(≈)─ ...(Sizzling bacon)

>>>>>>>>>>> woooooooooooosh! Pierre is back from recuperation of his many humilities and ready for more whooshing. My quick visage of these posting I see no Sam sesss. Wyhy do you not play Mr. Sessa? You can kick goats but not play the food game? Bring your beardface out and be particpating!

Whatare weplaying the special smily face game too? I will procede to make onetoo.

Breathe deeply RtSO ... and let it go. I think we all learned something from the turkey incident. BTW that was my doing. I doubt that Herr Owl Meat would make such a blunder. I actually thought that water plus dehydrated turkey would make some kind of Franken-turkey meat wad. I normally wouldn't have seen this on the weekend, but it's raining here in Terrier Town. I love that Amanda C, she's a sharp one. Turn voodoopork over, I think he's done.

RtSO: the turkey wasn't me. My half-cousin Chino Alvarez does a good job of quality control here at the Owl's Nest. I think it was :o) or better :O(

Yes Amanda, it is terrifying, just terrifying in German.

Tapioka-Traubenzucker, Kartoffelstärke, Matzo-Mahlzeit (Passahfest-Weizen-Mehl und Wasser), Salz, Cottonöl, Karamell-Farbe, Zwiebeln, Tomaten, Pilze, Knoblauch, weißer Pfeffer, Paprika.

Just the Traubenzucker alone has me cowering under a pile of laundry. Oh look, the French ingredients just surrendered.

Stop hogging the computer piglet

Every household should have at least one computer per occupant.

Paprika seems to be itself in almost any language!

Very astute Hal, add another title to your name. My water polo practice was cancelled. Maybe I'll make paprika my word nerd project for today.

Rainy day project number three:
My daughter made a Terrier Mom emoticon:

Beat that for adorable!

It's a work in progress:


What a mess. Maybe TMom's daughter could make me one too.

I have some Matzah Ball & Soup mix that has similar ingrediants, but no tapioca dextrose.

rain, rain, rain ...

Paprika Around the World (Source BabelFish)

French - paprika (?)
Spanish - paprika or pimentón
German - Paprika
Italian - paprica
Dutch - paprika
Portuguese - paprika or pimenta
Greek - πάπρικα (pronounced paprika)
Norwegian - Paprika
Russian - паприка (paprika)
Icelandic - paprikuduft (duft=powder)
Japanese - パプリカ (That's pa-pu-ri-ka in Katakana, the alphabet for foreign words.)
Chinese - 辣椒粉 When I back-translated it it is "chili powder". When the characters are translated individually you get: Spicy. Pepper. Powder
Bosnian, Czech, Serbian, Croatian, Hungarian, Polish - paprika (Source Wiktionary)
Esperanto - papriko
Klingon - unknown

Not soup, but it sure looks like it.

Kosher croutons or stuffing or breading.

| :O)
(now with pork pie hat)

OMG - The image reminds me a lot of an electronic Owl Math Game I had as a child. I wasn't allowed to have any good toys. The Owl Math Game was about as fun as it got.

Now, a new Owl to play with. More fun? Ye gods!

Some kind of Israeli Army MRE?

Kind of weak emotocom Owl Meat. TM's kid has the best one so far. Perhaps until I unveil my haloed hieroglyph, ta da:

◊ O╣≡≡╣
Ad maiorem dei gloriam

Judging from his jangled thoughts, I imagine Pierre's would look something like this: #^*#*^#@)(*&*(

Owly! Let my people('s food) go! It could be lots of things, but since it has more caramel color than onions, tomatoes, or mushrooms, it sounds like a big bowl of brown. Meet me at our usual place around six but leave that stuff at home.

♫♣♀♫ (get it?)

Could it be something that one of the lost tribes of Keebler Elves might make? or the worst flavor of pudding ever. I am baffled. All the mock food recipes are fascinating. They sound like something tramps might make during the Great Depression. So sorry I missed the competiton on Thursday as my pony ran away recently.

I have no idea what this latest concoction might be. Wow, sorry I missed this thread this afternoon! But its sunny and 87 here at the World's Most Beautiful Beaches, so I was outside enjoying it.

That was quite a nerd spasm there OMG. I thought you were going to solve RtSO's random letter problem. RoCK, if you got a BA in Econ, you must have taken Probabilty. It's the same formula as picking the red and blue marbles out of the bag with replacement. Ow, my head hurts. Maybe Dr. Erlenmeyer Cantaloupe has the math chops for this.

Oooooh mister preacher Man Ed! What do I do to you? Are you working for The Sessa? Too much my brain goes fast but My English is too slow to keep going. I am not jangelled waht ever that does!

Whoooosh ......

Thank you Mr. Ed and Mr Owl. It stopped raining and now we are making hamburgers and corn on the cob and ice cream. Bye. :-) I really like your pony. He is cute.

Oh merde. My figure looks like the gloriuos French flag in my pre-view. ZUT ALORS!!! I whoosh my self away again never to retrn!

I try again

This is my first post, but I;ve been reading since January. I LOVE this blog. The ineteraction of the community is amazing. So diverse and fun and respectful. I wanted to say that I love these games too. Much to the dismay of their parents, I am always trying to get my young nieces and nephews to read the ingredients on packages. We had some fun with these that I've seen. If it's not obvious from the ingredients as to what kind of food something is then maybe it's not something you want. I do like the idea of guessing aboyt something that is delicious. I thought this was matzo soup mix.

You know what is scary: that restaurants more and more rely on pre-made junk and packages sauces and things from that big food place they get everything from. What's it called? Cisco/Sysco?


INGREDIENTS: Tapioca Dextrose, Potato Starch, Matzo Meal (Passover Wheat Flour & Water), Salt, Cottonseed Oil, Caramel Color, Onions, Tomatoes, Mushrooms, Garlic, White Pepper, Paprika.

Streit's Brown Gravy Mix 99% Fat Free

How could that stuff be gravy? Well someone thinks it is. I can't really wrap my brain around vegetarian gravy. Has anyone ever had this? Mmmmm ... you can almost taste the brownness. Since when is "brown" a flavor? Available at Wegman's and Giant.

I guess Rock Chicklet came the closest with her deft knowledge of caramel coloring. No more gravy; I swear.

Thanks for the amusement. Snickers and I are heading out for some merriment.

I'm very lapsed Irish Catholic, but I don't understand hoe something with something so artificial like cotton seed oil could be considered Kosher. Of course, I don't really know what that means, but I used to think it meant healhy and not just not tainted by the touch of infidels. Cotton seed oil? Holy Moses.

What;s wrong with you peoooooeple >/ There is no Pony, it;s a tootal fraud. He;s a liar !!!! there is no rp=ze prixee liar laiur lair rrject all authrouttyy!!! he ixsd bad baddd stuf!

Let it go Steve. Let it go. Jaegermeister is a condiment, not a food group.

Actually VDP, most un-Kosher of all the meats here .... Cotton was a huge crop in the Nile Delta in Egypt. It has a deep symbolism for the ancient Israelites, as they were said to be slaves who harvested it among many other tasks. Because they had few resources, they hoarded cottonseed oil, which was considered undesirable by Egyptians. On their journey away from Egypt they used it both for sustenance and lamp oil. So even though it may seem like a weird product to us, it is in fact a deeply traditional and symbolic substance. Amen.

I'm glad I sat this round out. I was going to guess Potato Pancake mix. It was a cheap way to feed five hungry kids when I was growing up, and I remember being puzzled by the ingredients on the box.

So, OMG, are all these instant gravies in your cupboard or do you just copy the ingredients on the back of your grocery list?

Terrier Mom, I think you just make a big mistake. Now you are going to have to have the "having a pony isn't practical" speech with Sarah. And I'm pretty sure that Owl Meat does not have a pony that he takes to happy hour.

On a second note, I really hate to involve myself in this silliness, but your personal hieroglyphs are not emoticons, since they express no emotion. They are internet vanity plates or what was used to ackowledge a sitting pharaoh in hieroglyphics - a cartouche. Thankfully, my screen name can't possibly lend itself to pork pie hats and the like. Now everybody go outside and play.

Gravy of the Month Club, natch.

You think you're so clever, oh wise Baby Mama, but I had this one in the holster since yesterday's rainy day nap:
"Amanda C" = 1♂da8
Cartouche that Miss Smartypants. Oh snap!

On the random letter thing: Since the letter is ALWAYS different in preview and post or even between successive previews it can't be random, so I don't think any formula will help you, since you don't know the underlying distribution. Sorry for the run-on.


I stumbled across a most unusual product at Giant the other day.

INGREDIENTS: Vegetable Oil Blend (Liquid Canola Oil, Liquid Soybean Oil, Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Extra Light Olive Oil, Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil) Water, Whey (from Milk), Salt, Vegetable Mono and Diglycerides, Soy Lecithin, Potassium Sorbate (Used to Protect Quality), Citric Acid, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Vitamin A (Palmitate), Beta Carotene (Color).

Sure you would guess correctly that it is some kind of disgusting margarine. But would you expect it to be:
Lee Iacocca Margarine?
Or Lee Iacocca Spread Olivio more properly.

Not to be mean, but nothing says healthy or delicious LESS than "Lee Iacocca". And he markets it as a healthy alternative to butter or margarine. Because it has a smidge of "light" olive oil in it? Light olive oil means that it has all the healthy and flavorful components processed out of it. Once a scam artist, always a scam artist. How's your K-car running?

On the magic random letters. Judging by how dreadfully slow the servers here are, I suspect that the corporate overlords has outsourced random letter generation to an office in Bangladesh. Whilst we are waiting, some untouchable draws a lettered ball from a bingo churner and another types it in. It is all very logical my dear people.

I think my dad's Chrysler Le Baron runs on that stuff now. Zoom zoom zoom. Lee Iacocca is still alive?

LOL, Mr. Gilbert, LOL. The bingo churner was a nice touch.

The porcine one said: Since the letter is ALWAYS different in preview and post or even between successive previews

Not true. The odds aren't high of getting the same letter twice in a row, but it does happen.

Almost as bad as this crap weasel.

Terrier Mom:

I thought it was a shame when Olivio sold out to Lee Iacocca, until I remembered that before Chrysler he was a project manager at Ford. The Mustang was his idea, and it seems to be doing much better than the K-Car did. Nevertheless, after several months of enjoying Olivio, we switched to "Expeller-pressed Natural Oil Blend ( palm fruit*, soybean*, canola* and olive*), filtered water, pure salt, natural flavor (derived from corn, no MSG, no alcohol, no gluten), crushed soy beans*, soy lecithin*, lactic acid (non-dairy, derived from sugar beets), colored with beta-carotene from natural sources. *Organic ingredients.

AKA: Organic Smart Balance Whipped Buttery Spread.

Beta-carotene?? Can someone help me here ... what was so wrong with alpha-carotene?



Even less appealing ... Larry King's Schmeer of Schmaltz. Mmmmm..... unctious.


No, you're thinking of Soylent Green.

Ah yes. Shmaltz, the really low-price spread.

Back in the old country, the village Shlemeil every morning would spread his bread with shmaltz, and drop it (he is a shlemeil, after all). It would always land with the shmaltz side down. One day he spreads his bread with the shmaltz and drops it, as usual, but it lands with the shmaltz side up! The villagers are astounded: does this mean the shlemeil is no longer a shlemeil? The call the Rabbi and ask him. He thinks for a while and the answers: "The shlemeil is still a shlemeil - he spread the shmaltz on the wrong side of the bread."

Hey, some of us love schmaltz!

Wow, Mr. OF you totally out-Jewed me. But for the sake of the tribe could you maybe change your name to something less stereotypically vulgar. Nobody wants to read that during breakfast. or maybe ever. Give our people some dignity. Thanks.

Schlemiel, Schlamazel, Hassenfeff Incorporated!

That's Laverne and Shirley Ass Hat!
Okay I'm a terrible jewess and I seriously don't knwo any of the rituals, but I do know me some TV Land.

Is schmaltz a real thing?

My goodness ... this was a lot to read for a Monday morning. Clearly, y'all had nothing to do over the weekend except play on the blog. And all I did was sleep! Our Fearless Leader must have had no time away from her puter.

|'|'| |'|'|'| |

How's that for a cartouche?

Paprika is my stripper name.
(not really).

Owl Meat asked: Is schmaltz a real thing?

I'm sure Owl Meat already knows this, given his/her stellar web skills, but schmaltz certainly is a real thing. I'd always thought it was rendered chicken fat, but apparently it can also be goose fat or pork fat as well.

Nice cartouche Piano Rob. I was wondering what you would come up with. I'm still waiting for Terrier Daughter to make mine. Once again Amanda brought the smart: cartouche.

Wow - 130 comments on this post. Is that a record for D@L?

OMG asked "Is schmaltz a real thing?"

Oh My Goodness, yes! The Yiddish Dictionary Online defines it as "Cooking fat, usually chicken fat, melted or rendered." When rendered it is thick enough to spread, hence "The really low-price spread."

Playing the cartouche game.


So there are real people out there that put chicken fat on bagels etc.? I'm so out of that loop. Ugh.

Here's present for you Rob of Cross Keys


Mass hysterical logorrhea on this blog. Barmy gits. Someone must have stolen their crayons. :)

The down side of the cartouche game is that newbies who have been concerned about picking a 'clever' name will feel more pressure to include a cartouche. Fear not (please), just use your first name (unless its Robert and then a committee meeting will be required) and post. Some people just have more time than ...

So there are real people out there that put chicken fat on bagels etc.?

You would only do that if you were too poor to afford something better.

Schmaltz with Griebenes

In trimming the fat and skin from the poultry, try not to include bits of meat.

Place the cut up skin and diced fat in a heavy bottomed sauce pan, add the water and simmer very,very slowly over
low heat.

When all the water has evaporated and pure yellow fat begins to collect, pour it off and reserve.

The fat is completely rendered when the skin forms crisp,brown cracklings.

Drain the cracklings on paper towels.

Although it is not strictly necessary to pour off the fat as it collects, it is safest to do so; then it will not become brown by the time the cracklings are finished.

The fat should be bright butter yellow without any hint of brown.

Store the fat tightly covered in the refrigerator.

Cracklings should be used as soon as possible or they become soggy.

Seriously, please fix this super tiny font. It just started happening today. I'm not coming back until it's fixed. (Which may be a reason to NOT fix it, but hey.)

To more important matters. When I think schmaltz I think of "a modern, future-oriented company which develops, produces and sells vacuum components & gripping systems, vacuum handling systems and vacuum clamping systems." Chicken fat indeed.

Hi Snickers! Want to go get a beer?

Post a comment

Verification (needed to reduce spam):

About this blog
Richard Gorelick was appointed The Baltimore Sun's restaurant critic in September 2010. Before joining the paper staff fulltime, he contributed freelance criticism and features articles about food to area and regional publications. Along the way, he dispatched for short-distance trucking companies, shilled for cultural non-profits, and assisted in cognitive neurology research – never the subject, always the control.

He takes restaurants seriously but not himself, and his favorite restaurant is the one you love, too.

Top Ten Tuesdays
Most Recent Comments
Baltimore Sun coverage
Restaurant news and reviews Recently reviewed
Browse photos and information of restaurants recently reviewed by The Baltimore Sun

Sign up for FREE text alerts
Get free Sun alerts sent to your mobile phone.*
Get free Baltimore Sun mobile alerts
Sign up for dining text alerts

Returning user? Update preferences.
Sign up for more Sun text alerts
*Standard message and data rates apply. Click here for Frequently Asked Questions.
  • Food & Drink newsletter
Need ideas for dinner tonight? A recommendation for the perfect red wine?'s Food & Drink newsletter is there to help.
See a sample | Sign up

Stay connected