Hamming it up at T-Bonz
Multimedia Editor and Resident Cheeseburger and Wings Expert John Lindner, knowing I would be frantic my first day back at work, has come through once again. This time he demonstrates why I call him our Resident Cheeseburger Expert, something you may have wondered after his last review of an upscale restaurant in Frederick. ...
"A few weeks ago on a whim, I tried the Cowboy or Rancher or Cattleman or Something Outdoorish burger at (dreaded chain alert) the Greene Turtle in Columbia. I was feeling decadent, so I broke a rule and ordered a burger that had a cutesy name. (Tip: If your burger’s moniker harkens to the bygone West, it has "BBQ" sauce on it and probably bacon. Thought you should know.)
"Thing is, the Cowpoke or Ranchhand or Muleskinner wasn’t bad. It’s kicker topping was ham – a nod, I assumed, to those for whom bacon and BBQ sauce are insufficiently exotic. And you know what? Icky as it sounds, the Sodbuster (or was it Pig Rustler?) tasted surprisingly good. The ham added a mellowing touch: major comfort food cred. To be on the safe side, I turned a fellow bacon cheeseburger junky onto it. He agreed - deelish. So, there.
"What draws me back to Greene Turtle burgers is this: I order medium rare; they deliver, consistently, medium rare. I guess a few years ago some swooner freaked over "The Dangers" of ground beef. Word of the palpitation leaked to our saviors in Nannypolis and when the twin frissons of doom and deliverance subsided in what passes for their spines, the kibosh was on and blood red juiciness was sucked from our short bitter lives; many restaurants stopped serving anything but brown ground and we bumbling serfs were rescued from the perils of trichinosis or scurvy or … But I digress.
"Imagine my astonishment when, more recently, on a GPS adventure, I found T-Bonz Grille & Pub, whose namesake burger just happens to sport ham, bacon, and "BBQ" sauce. Kismet, or what?
"I can’t justify rating T-Bonz’s ambiance; it was noon Saturday and we were the only ones in the place. The door was open, but otherwise the joint looked abandoned. So it skewed empty and a tad cold, like we were interlopers violating an unwritten law about demanding lunch before the sun was properly over the yardarm. Guessing it’s not always thus deserted, I reserve judgment on the atmosphere, except to say it’s got a pub themey thing going. Not entirely sure what the theme might be: We were seated under a photographic depiction of the Olde West, Olde Mining Town, or Olde bikers dressed in period clothes. Draw your own conclusion.
"On service: Stephanie, our wait staff server person, was attentive and apologized for swearing when she broke something in the kitchen. We heard the crash but not the cuss. In all, comfortably adequate for an abandoned tavern.
"Maybe we were the only ones able to find the place. It’s in back of a small strip mall at the confluence of 103 and 104 in Ellicott City -- 4910 Waterloo Road to be precise. Watch for the big blue ALLSTATE sign – it’s easier to spot than the restaurant’s substantial shingle.
"T-Bonz’s dining room lays out booths along the walls with tables up the middle. A glass door allows you to keep an eye on the action in the barroom. They probably smoked in there at one time. Thank God Mother Maryland, in a never-ending quest to save us from ourselves for the sake of a few prissy …. where was I?
"Oh yeah, bacon cheeseburgers.
"Here’s what I like about the T-Bonz burger: It’s charred. Seriously charred. Would I want every burger done thusly? No. But when a kitchen offers any sort of variation on the burger itself, it’s noteworthy. I enjoyed the burger’s distinct taste and texture. T-Bonz also offers Cajun, southwest and a couple other burger variations you’ve seen elsewhere.
"My photographer and I requested and got medium rare burgers. The bacon was thick. I could not taste the ham. I might have seen a bit of it. But it wasn’t overt. Stealth ham?
"Its cheese-to-meat ratio sat comfortably in the acceptable range. Likewise its bun, while prosaic, allowed its contents to dominate, as it should.
"How refreshing: a burger with character, served to spec. To prove T-Bonz isn’t stuck on medium rare. One of our company ordered the burger well done and (I know, tragic) T-Bonz served it well done. Note: We shouldn’t call it well done. We should call it thoroughly done, or done in, or … sorry).
"Bonz also leaves the beaten path with its wings. Rate them above average and decidedly non-sloppy. These are not seven-napkin wings drowned in Tabasco and palmed off as buffalo. For the record: we ordered mild wings.
"Didn’t pay a lot of attention to the fries, which indicates they were acceptable ketchup delivery devices (sorry, Rachel) with little to distinguish them. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
"T-Bonz’s menu also includes typical pub fare, four pizza varieties and a steakhouse menu with steaks, ribs, chicken, four seafood and two pasta dishes AND a kids section AND a Sunday brunch listing that’s served from 10:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. Price range: $10 - $20.
"The next step is to return to check out their steaks, the T-Bonz specialty. And maybe get a bead on the theme.
"I’m giving the place three stars on the Pub Scale (four being the highest rating.)
"BTW: There’s a TBonz – no space between the T and the Bonz – that’s part of a 14-restaurant chain in Georgia and the Carolinas. The Ellicott City location doesn’t appear to be a part of that cohort, so those of us who disdain dining in clones can keep kosher in that regard."
(Photo by Bonnie Lindner, otherwise known as "my photographer")
Comments
Uh, What? I thought I rambled, but you thoroughly lost me... and when talking about Burgers with bacon and ham...
Posted by: Mather | April 7, 2008 4:45 PM
Well done! E-e-e-w.
At the Pinnacle Peak Restaurant in the hills above Scottsdale, AZ, if you order your steak well done they'll first bring you an old cowboy boot on a plate 'cause your steak will be leathery. They also cut you tie off and hang it from the ceiling if you're so rash as to wear one.
Posted by: Mr. Old Fart` | April 7, 2008 5:24 PM
I first had a burger with ham at a joint in Park City, Utah. Now I make them at home all the time. I do wish more attention had been paid to the fries because lots of places make good burgers but few serve consistently crispy, hot fries. In fact that would make a good top ten. Where can you go and always get hot, crispy fries? Not sometimes or most of the time but all the time.
Posted by: Mark | April 7, 2008 6:04 PM
I have pased the Green many times. It will get it's turn this week. Thanks for making it easier for me.
Posted by: Bill | April 7, 2008 6:18 PM
The burgers sound great but T-Bonz is a favorite treat of both of my dogs, so I can't help cringing a bit.
Posted by: Rosebud | April 7, 2008 6:56 PM
Uh-oh. Rosebud, you're a dog person? More proof that we are not twins after all.
^^
Posted by: Dahlink | April 7, 2008 7:37 PM
Some thoughts from the past
Ham on the burger – Reminds me of the Double R Bar Burger served at the Roy Rodgers on Baltimore Street in the 70’s. They had onions, tomatoes, and BBQ sauce in the fixins area. A great lunch!
Charred burger – In the 60’s while going to college in the Baltimore area, a few of us, being restless or bored as commuters, would occasionally cut classes for an afternoon and make our way to the Campus Club in the middle of the GW campus in DC to get the feel of the real college experience which in our minds included a good burger and a pitcher of beer. (Maybe it was the beer that was the real attraction since DC’s drinking age was 18 at the time.) But to this day every time I hear the Mamas and Papas start their song with “All the leaves are brown….” I can taste the great char on the burgers I had there. Wonderful then and as good now in my mind.
Pinnacle Peak Restaurant – I went there a couple of times in the late 70’s early 80’s in connection with business trips. It seemed like we drove hours through the completely dark desert but having arrived there, there was an open blazing mesquite grill lighting the area and serving the best steaks I had ever eaten. More than one of my DC colleques had their wonderful, expensive silk ties dispatched by the waitress (they were called that then) with the shears she carried in her holster and the harvested part was nailed to the ceiling beams.
They had great mesquite grilled steaks then and it was always in my memory as what a steak should be. So, in the mid 90’s, when my wife and I took a 2 week tour of Arizona and New Mexico, I was determined that she would share the experience of the ultimate steak in the wilds of Arizona before we departed home from Phoenix. Coming south from Flagstaff on the interstate, I attempted to gauge how far north of Phoenix and Scottsdale, Pinnacle Peak would be. Based on what the terrain looked like, we headed east to the expected remote desert restaurant. We eventually traveled about 15 miles south on back roads closer to Phoenix to find that the restaurant was no longer in the remote desert but was surrounded by residential development for several miles around. Open fires were no longer permitted and what we received for dinner was not what I intended.
Posted by: LEC | April 7, 2008 7:44 PM
John Lindner! You crazy stealth ham-eating son of a gun! When are you gonna take me and Epicurious L.I.Z. out to T-Bonz's?
Or, when am I going to take you both to Kooper's Tavern in Fells Point for one of their delicious burgers?
There must be some way we could expense it. I'll speak to Kate Shatzkin immediately.
If all else fails, invite yourself to one of my infamous rooftop grills. I'll make you one of my Bloody Garlic Burgers. They'll tip your Pub Scale!
Posted by: Sam Sessa | April 7, 2008 7:56 PM
Oh great now we have at least 3 Sun editor/writers (plus one of the techies, I think) in the Sandbox. At this rate we are taking over the world. And the level of writing isn't being dragged down, too much.
Posted by: Robert (the Single One) | April 7, 2008 8:48 PM
Hubby and I have eaten at T-Bonz before and many times we're the only ones in there that early. The food is great and the prices are fair- dare I say we have even used a coupon there from one of the local clipper-type magazines or is that much too taboo for a dining blog?
My favorite dish would have to be the pork bbq sandwich.
Posted by: Kiki | April 7, 2008 10:53 PM
Uh-oh. Rosebud, you're a dog person? More proof that we are not twins after all.
Nature-Nurture...
Actually, the dog are Hubby's. The cats are mine.
Posted by: Rosebud | April 8, 2008 7:08 AM
Didn't Paris Hilton eat at T-Bonz on an episode of the Simple Life?
Posted by: TS | April 8, 2008 8:40 AM
Actually, T-Bonz ate Paris Hilton.
That's why we haven't heard from her in a while.
Posted by: Sam Sessa | April 8, 2008 10:04 AM
Actually, T-Bonz ate Paris Hilton.
That's why we haven't heard from her in a while.
Tempting fate a bit, aren't you Sam?
Posted by: Rosebud | April 8, 2008 10:13 AM
T-Bones is pretty good. been there a handful of times, mostly for dinner. It's not "Morton's" quality, but it certainly provides a good steak (plus sides if I remmeber correctly) for the relatively modest price. It's a good steak to eat with french fries.
I would certainly put it up against the Outback's and the Longhorn's of the world any day. And because it's locally owned, I'd say it's a bit better.
Posted by: Donny B | April 8, 2008 10:20 AM
It was Bare Bones that Paris Hilton ate at..in Ellicott City
Posted by: FoodBooty | April 8, 2008 10:34 AM
Glad someone else mentioned the Double R Bar Burger from Roy's... I worked at a Roy Rogers as a teen. The Double RR was yummy. And I still think on it fondly.
Posted by: Anonymous | April 8, 2008 10:46 AM
"Bloody Garlic Burger"
I trust the 'Bloody" refers to the minimally cooked meat, not the British expletive. And, of course, freshly chopped garlic nicely studded throughout the burger.
M-m-m-m!
Posted by: Mr. Old Fart | April 8, 2008 10:56 AM
Hey, Rob! I just thought that if you don't hear back from Koopers, we should invite the sandbox to one of Sam's infamous rooftop grills for Bloody Garlic Burgers. ;-)
Posted by: Rosebud | April 8, 2008 12:50 PM
Now wait a minute here ...
Posted by: Sam Sessa | April 8, 2008 1:02 PM
Rosebud - An excellent suggestion! All in favor?
LOL
Posted by: Piano Rob | April 8, 2008 1:30 PM
Off-topic a bit ... but don't you Sandboxers hope this place ventures into MD?
http://www.dispatch.com/live/content/business/stories/2008/04/08/rest0408.ART_ART_04-08-08_C10_P59S7FN.html?sid=101
Posted by: Piano Rob | April 8, 2008 2:26 PM
Rosebud, you put my mind at rest with "Actually, the dog are Hubby's. The cats are mine." Whew!
All in favor of going to Sam's?
Posted by: Dahlink | April 8, 2008 4:10 PM
Sam's works for me. Maybe we could make a week-end of it since we don't have to worry about clearing out before dinner service starts. Such a great idea.
Posted by: Robert (the Single One) | April 8, 2008 4:31 PM
Look out, Sam Sessa - you're about to be invaded on the 19th. Launder that hot pink Lacoste shirt and fire up the grill. I'll make the name tags.
Posted by: Piano Rob | April 8, 2008 4:36 PM