Maybe if they freeze dry it and pressure seal it tight, I just might consider it.

I can't wait for cakes in a can.

This topic gives me an excuse ... I'm taking some liberty here, but would anyone like to play a game that I just invented called Mystery Food? I have listed the ingredients as they appear on the package. You can get it in any supermarket. Name it!

INGREDIENTS: Water, Unbleached Enriched Flour (Wheat Flour, Malted Barley Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamin Mononitrate, Riboflavin Folic Acid), Cooked Italian Sausage (Pork, Water, Seasoning [Spices, Sugar, Garlic Powder, Natural Flavorings], Salt), Tomato Paste, Green Peppers, Part Skim Mozzarella Cheese With Modified Food Starch (Part Skim Mozzarella Cheese [Pasteurized Milk, Cultures, Salt Enzymes], Modified Food Starch), Imitation Mozzarella Cheese (Water, Modified Food Starch, Casein, Soybean Oil, Whey. Contains Less Than 2% of: Imitation Mozzarella Cheese (Mozzarella Cheese [Milk, Cheese Culture, Salt, Enzymes] Water, Casein Soybean Oil, Food Starch, Whey, Sodium Aluminum Phosphate, Salt, Sodium Phosphate, Lactic Acid, Natural Flavor, Sorbic Acid [As A Preservative], Artificial Color), Cheddar Cheese (Culture Pasteurized Milk, Salt, Enzymes, Annatto), Imitation Cheddar Cheese (Water, Modified Food Starch, Casein, Soybean Oil, Whey, Contains 2% or Less of Salt, Sodium Aluminum Phosphate, Sodium Phosphate, Lactic Acid, Sodium Citrate, Natural Flavor, Sorbic Acid [Preservative] Artificial Color), Sugar, Canadian Style Bacon Made with Pork Sirloin Hips, Chunked and Formed, Smoke Flavor Added (Cured with Water, Salt, Dark Brown Sugar, Dextrose, Sodium Phosphate, Smoke Flavor, Sodium Erythotate, Sodium Nitrate), Seasoned Cooked Beef (Beef, Water, Seasoning [Salt, Spices, Dehydrated Onion, Sugar, Dehydrated Garlic, Caramel Color, Natural Flavor]), Partial Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Seasoning (Salt, Sugar, Spices, Onion Powder, Methylcellulose, Romano Cheese [Part Skim Cows Milk, Cheese Cultures Salt, Enzymes] Garlic Powder, Xanthan Gum, Locust Bean Gum, Carmine, Disodium Phosphate), Seasoning (Parmesan Cheese, [Part Skim Milk, Cheese Cultures, Salt, Enzymes] Maltodextrin, Whey, Salt, Disodium Phosphate] Dehydrated Red Bell Pepper, Spice, Partially Hydrogenate D Soybean Oil, Maltodextrin, Worcestershire Sauces Solids, [Molasses, Vinegar, Corn Syrup, Salt, Caramel Color, Garlic, Sugar, Spice, Tamarind, Natural Flavor (Dehydrate Parsley, Salt, Citric Acid, Natural Flavor, [From Whey], Potassium Chloride, Sugar, Lactic Acid, Cultured Whey, Calcium Lactate), Baking Powder (Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Sodium Bicarbonate, Corn Starch, Monocalcium Phosphate), Partially Hydrogenated Palm Kernel Oil (With Soy Lecithin, Citric Acid As Preservative), Dough Conditioner (Calcium Sulfate, Salt, L-Cysteine Hydrochloride, Garlic Powder, Tricalcium Phosphate, Enzymes, Wheat Starch), Locust Bean Gum, Modified Food Starch, Modified Potato and Corn Starches, Yeast, Parmesan Cheese (Made From Pasteurized Milk, Cheese Culture, Salt, Enzymes), Locust Bean Gum, Modified Food Starch, Modified Potato And Corn Starches, Yeast, Salt, Monocalcium Phosphate, Rice Flour, Tapioca Dextrin, Dried Egg Yolks, Leavening (Sodium Aluminum Phosphate Sodium Bicarbonate), Dextrose, Caramel Color, Xanthan Gum, Soy Flour.

Actually, this seems to me extremely on topic.

Okay, its not scrapple. At first I was thinking frozen pizza (lots of cheese and sort of cheese stuff) but the canadian bacon threw me. (As a sidelight, don't miss the SOY flour). As typing this I'm now wondering if its some breakfast thing with egg, cheese and bacon?

Anyway, sounds yummy.

Owl Meat--is it frozen pizza?

I was laughing at the ingredients … until I looked at the ingredients in the Lean Cuisine I’m chowing down for lunch (no good leftovers from last night). It may be Lean but it ain’t Cuisine.

Here’s an after-market product idea: Can-burger Helper.

Sounds like a really bad frozen pizza, if that's not redundant.

Can-burger helper. You cracked me up on that one.

How did delightful tamarind get into that vortex of gastro-hell? And carmine? I love a little insect in my food. No corect guesses yet.

I must say, the tamarind is what struck me. I mean, why bother?

Wonder Bread?

1 - I think those are the combined ingredients in my blood pressure and cholesterol meds.

2 - Re: Cheeseburger in a Can. Does anyone else consider it odd to have to put a metal can in a vat of boiling water for 10 minutes? "Warning: Container and contents may be extremely hot. Danger, Will Robinson, danger!"

I guess: Ragu - or some other pasta sauce in a jar.

No correct guess yet. I'm sending ELar the answer now with a photo.

A very cheesy frozen pizza?

Speaking of odd ingredients and foods, I was in the grocery this morning and saw whole grain cheese curls. Isn't the whole point to eat salty orange things, not healthy? Sort of like low-fat lard.

this would be an excellent topic sometime. I have a bottle of Starbucks sugar-free caramel syrup sitting on my desk that I can't quite decide what to do with.

Locust Bean Gum is "the preferred gum in frozen desserts, cultured dairy products, cream cheese and more" (food.oregonstate.edu/gums/bean.html). This doesn't help me at all, but then I'm still grossed out by "Canadian Style Bacon Made with Pork Sirloin Hips, Chunked and Formed." Can't wait for the answer, OMG.

Chef Boyardee something or other?

Yeah, "chunked" scared me a little.

How could something be sugar-free caramel? Isn't caramel made from burnt sugar? I suggest leaving it in the break room. Someone will steal it or use it. And their punishment will be that they consumed it.

I'll give you a hint -- Jim Gaffigan really likes them.

You could serve the sauce to Messrs McIntyre & Hancock.

McIntyre & Hancock?

If you would read this blog regularly, you'd know what he was talking about.

Hot Pockets!!!!

My guess is some sort of low fat, diet, fat free, tasteless pizza or pizza pocket type "food". I can't call anything with all of those adjectives food. It's like Kraft Cheese, it's a food product, like pleather is a type of clothing material.

Waits breathlessly for the unveiling...

Sounds like it may be Stouffer's lasagne.

While the break room is a great idea, it probably violates OSHA. Send it to the sports department. They'll eat anything. And enjoy it. So what if they won't be able to have children. A world with fewer jocks is a good thing, too.

Single Robert-

Sadly, this is what most people FEED their children...

D I S G U S T I N G!!!!!

I'm pretty sure that the answer to Owl's little game is hot pockets, which Durham has posted. The Jim Gaffigan hint gave it away.

I don't consider canned hamburgers/cheeseburgers or things like hot pockets actual food and I refuse to put those types of things into my body. Michael Pollan's latest book "In Defense of Food" really drives this topic home for me. If you haven't read the book or heard anything about it you should definitely check it out.

Jay C: I hope the parents feeding their kids sugar-free caramel sauce are severing it on Locust Bean Gum thickened/stabalised soy milk 'ice cream.' No gran kids.

Elizabeth, I got home late and unfortunately did not see your call to action until now. Please, Mr. Hancock, consider yourself warned! You know I have far too much fun with this blog!

OMG, the answer has been on the next post since 2:37 PM. Stay current people! Don't let the Rice-A-Roni despoil your Sam Clam's Disco Feet!

Oh my gravy, I'm losing my mind just talking about Hot Pockets. Get out while you can. Hot Pockets! Hurley, reset the clock! Hot Pockets! 108 tiny Fabulous Satans are churing though my viscera. Hot Pockets!! Mein Gott im Himmel, the end is near. Hot Pockets! Tell Amanda that I really did love her and I'm sorry that I ... Hot Pockets!!! Gllluurgg glurg ... hot pockets .... buh-spluuurrp guuurg uh ....... Death Pockets.

Or Locust Point gravy. Yikes.

Hot Pockets!!

Stop that, Owl Meat, I have to drink my coffee now!!

The URL given above:
mlis.state.md.us/asp/web_statutes.asp
is nowhere near valid.

This will take you where you want to:
http://michie.lexisnexis.com/maryland/
Choose Maryland Code then scroll down to find Alcholic Beverages. It's incredibly tedious, a patchwork with no coherent philosophy.

Naturally my eyes strayed down to the section on "Bastardy and Fornication", but those laws were repealed in 1963.

Correct Janet. It sadly always comes back to money. If it was purely moral, then what we're saying that we want Christians to be sober on their sabbath, but it's okay for Jews and Seventh-day Adventists to be drunk on theirs. So much conspiracy, so little time.

i heart owl meat

does it contain any Maltodextrin?

Yes, twice! And tamarind!

I see that nobody tried the cheeseburger in a can, but I found a video of someone testing one along with some powdered red wine that the same company makes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9u42zDPU7s

Apparently smells so bad that even English people hate it. The English dude doesn't actually try it, he just judges it, it takes an American in the next clip to eat it with a suspiciously Pierre-like person off camera. And then OMG flashes on screen. All very suspicious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kt3K2PM-VcE&feature=related

Shoutout to cousin Lainie in NYC... is there anything as unkosher as a German-made cheeseburger in a can? Mmmmm.

I've got something even better than Cheeseburger in a Can for you, I just haven't had time to post it yet. Check back later. EL

Is it Rabbi Basil Herring in a can? You'd better let him out, he seems angry.

Thanks for the links, rokchik.
The first gave a glimpse of the aging, but oh so still angst-filled Morrissey. (A special favorite of mine for several reasons, not the least of which is we share the same last name.) At least the guy in that link had the good sense to say how bad it tasted.

I could not believe the guy in the second link not only ate the thing but also thought it tasted good. [shudder]