The second funniest person on this blog
As the year draws to a close, the time has come to hand out some well-deserved awards. As faithful readers know, I want readers to do half my work for me I consider this blog a community effort, a place for insightful and lively but not hurtful discussion about food, restaurants and anything else that I feel like talking about touches on these subjects in a meaningful way.
I was going to give out a year-end award for insightful commenting, but it was too boring there were too many candidates, so I decided instead to give out an award for the Second Funniest Person on This Blog. Many, many people have been funny in the eight months it's been in existence (see earlier post on funniest comments), but one person has been funniest over the longest span of time. That person would be...
...Robert.
Congratulations, Robert!
However, I noticed when I started making up the following list of examples, that Robert is actually two people. So your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to see if you can differentiate the two. I like to think I can at this point without looking at their e-mail addresses. I know nothing about either of them except they both have a sense of humor, and one is Married Robert and one is Single Robert.
By the way, Roberts, there is no prize except the pleasure you can take from the admiration of your fellow contributors.
Here we go:
* Robert on celebrity sightings (you have to go back to the original entry to get it):
I don't know who Scarlett Johansson or Jennifer Connelly are. Now that steak looks like a bone-in filet mignon wrapped in bacon served with piped potatoes and sprig of Rosemary.
* Robert commenting on What's Hot & What's Not:
Yes, but who are the 73% of chefs who still think small plates are hot, and what part of Iowa, Indiana or Nebraska are they from?
And as to the 21% who think that sustainable seafood is passe, what is the next big trend...eating endangered fish? I'll have the trio of Chilean Sea Bass, Russian Sturgeon and Dolphin.
* Robert on energy drink cocktails:
As a general rule, conversations that start out with: "So, I was doing
Jagerbombs." Do not end with any of the following:
1. and I ended up getting the promotion.
2. and that's how I met your mother
3. and that's how I saved money on car insurance.
*Robert on my gloating about being in California during a spell of bad weather in Baltimore:
Oh, that's just cruel. May all your crabcakes be made with asian crab.
* Robert on Alexander's Tavern being kid-friendly:
Kids have no business in Fells Point. God made Bel Air, Westminster, Columbia and Perry Hall for them.
*Robert on pad thai that was supposed to contain only tofu:
Well, the one thing added by putting pork in the pad thai was flavor. I do find this funny, but then again I subscribe to the Anthony Bourdain view of vegetarians.
*Robert on my asking what I should do for a Top Ten Tuesday on Christmas Day if I did Chinese restaurants the week before:
',,, what should I do for Christmas Day?' How about (wait for it): Crabcakes.
*Robert on eco-packaging for leftovers:
I understand its a two-for: many Styrofoam farms also raise and market free-range gummy worms. The gummy worms seem to sweeten acid rain imbued soil. Who knew?
And here are the two Roberts doing a vaudeville act for us:
*Robert in response to my daughter's complaining about the photos of live turkeys around Thanksgiving:
Perhaps you should have put a photo of Tofurkey up instead.And innocent turkeys? If I find a turkey who committed a crime, Would it be okay if I ate him?
*And a month later on what was in my daughter's fridge:
Tofurkey (leftover from Thanksgiving) I would have guessed.
Comments
Quite right. Many great minds have been preoccupied with trying to figure out just which Robert is posting to the blog. I think they should be required to differentiate themselves.
For my money, by far the funniest person on the blog is Gailor Large.
Posted by: Darlene | December 21, 2007 11:49 AM
I heard that Sam Sessa guy was the runner up.
Posted by: Sam Sessa | December 21, 2007 12:54 PM
Thank you. I'm still blushing. And next year I promise not to ask for a list of restaurants open on Christmas. I'll sit at home eating tofurkey with range feed oyster (i.e. range feed gummy worm) stuffing. Happy Christmas.
(For identification purposes the Other Robert is the good looking one; I'm the one with my book at the table next to you.)
Posted by: Robert | December 21, 2007 1:42 PM
"I understand its a two-for: many Styrofoam farms also raise and market free-range gummy worms. The gummy worms seem to sweeten acid rain imbued soil. Who knew? " had me rolling this morning! You made a great choice. Choices? I think they both deserve the same prize that the 1000th poster received earlier this year. Surely after saving 15000 in bonuses the boss will be willing to spring for a prize for the two Roberts.
I'll pass that along with all the clout I have. :-)
Posted by: Regina | December 21, 2007 3:18 PM
I'm sitting here thinking of something witty to say, as my wife is chastising me for spending all this time writing about food when I could be taking her out to dinner instead.
To my wife, Elizabeth Large is "the other woman".
Posted by: Robert | December 21, 2007 6:01 PM
To the Single Robert, hats off to you, especially the beating you got (I contributed a punch, I think) from the Christmas dinner list :)
To the Married Robert, believe me my wife says the same thing...
Posted by: Eric | December 21, 2007 10:14 PM
Elizabeth, have you considered joining forces with BaltAmour and trying to do something about Robert's single condition? I know, I know--he'd rather read his book and made the rest of us feel bad at Christmas ...
Posted by: Darlene | December 22, 2007 8:12 AM
In an effort to bring more clarity to the blogosphere, I will add my neighborhood to my name. The married, pro-Christmas Robert will now go by Robert from Cross Keys.
This name change should work fine, unless the other Robert is also from Cross Keys. If that is the case, he will have to move... to some place where everything is open on Christmas. Ha, Ha, Ha (evil laugh).
Ok, ok...in the spirit of Christmas, I should stop this now.
Posted by: Robert from Cross Keys | December 22, 2007 11:22 AM
So is the funny Robert the single one?
They are both funny.
Posted by: Mary | December 22, 2007 1:31 PM
Mary: if you believe the other bloggers I'm the Christmas hating monster, too pathetic for words. None of that is true. I'm not sure how it was concluded that I hate Christmas. From years past, my fellow choristers would be surprised to hear that after singing for a couple of Christmas Eve masses.
I never started this seeking sympathy. Actually, I feel sorry for those who have to be with someone else to be happy.
I wish I had a good punchline to end this. How about my favourite: free-range gummy worms?
I was going to say all this, and then I thought, Nah, Robert can defend himself.
Posted by: Robert | December 22, 2007 2:13 PM
Single Robert, I would say it is time to cut your losses on Christmas. The public has made up their mind that you hate Christmas. As you know, anything said or printed three times is true, and three different sources have confirmed how you feel about Christmas on the Baltimore Sun. (oh, and you don't even want to know what they are saying about on you over at the Examiner.)
Anyway, I say get out in front on a future holiday. Now is the time to start on President's Day. I think it will work well for you; all the stores and restaurants are open already. Just be warned, if you come on here and start bad mouthing the likes Martin Van Buren, Millard Fillmore and Warren Harding, the blog will turn on you again.
Posted by: Robert from Cross Keys | December 22, 2007 10:15 PM
Robert CK:
Actually I was thinking more along the lines of restaurants that treat single dinners well, on Valentine's day and Mother's day. Its sooooo hard getting a table.
Posted by: Robert | December 23, 2007 9:24 AM
Was just trying to clarify if the Robert who won the contest is single....
A single man who is hilarious AND reads books is quite a catch around here.
Even if he hates Christmas. And puppies.
Posted by: Mary | December 23, 2007 1:07 PM
Thank you Mary, puppies is just what is needed added to my list of attributes. Kicking at that.
Posted by: Robert | December 23, 2007 3:21 PM
AND he appreciates good food!
Posted by: Darlene | December 23, 2007 10:38 PM
Gosh - three Roberts (including the one in Cross Keys! I guess I'm lucky to be one Robert who logs on as Rob. And, just in case there is another Rob, I'm claiming Single Rob as my identification. Single Robert: I'll be the dude at the next one-top table who will also be reading a book. Elizabeth: Perhaps we can compile a list of recommended books to read when dining alone! (Currently, I'm reading "The World Without Us" - fascinating stuff). Here's hoping for a better 2008 world-wide.
Excellent idea!
Posted by: Rob | December 24, 2007 11:00 AM
Does Single Robert have a girlfriend?
Posted by: mags | December 24, 2007 12:29 PM
It would be great if Single Robert reported back with an informal review of his solo Chistmas dining experience (including the book).
Posted by: LJ | December 24, 2007 12:42 PM
LJ: I’m shifting this response from here to 'Merry Christmas to all'. This thread is getting too old and long.
Posted by: Robert (the single one) | December 25, 2007 9:40 PM