1) When you take a drink order (alcohol) from someone and nobody else in their party orders one...until you come back and someone else orders a cocktail....and then another when you come back again. For pete's sake order your drinks at the same time so your sever doesn't have to keep running back and forth to the bar!! And people wonder why they don't see their servers for long periods of time - it's often because another table has them doing wind sprints!!

2) When you approach a table and the patrons continue their conversation (knowing that you're standing there) to the point where you're forced to interupt.

3) When people order a pricey bottle of wine and don't tip on it. If you can afford the wine, you can afford the tip. At many fine dining establishments this can make or break a server's total tips for the evening. Plus some places make servers claim a fixed percentage of their total sales regardless of what they actually made in tips. If someone orders a $100 bottle and doesn't tip on it, their server ends up paying up to $18 (18%) for it!

I'll stop "wineing" now :)

Disclaimer: I always tip as a percentage of the total bill and start at above 20%.

I'm curious about the end of #3 in the first comment. With that being said, how does that work with the 18% there? That makes it sound as though if the diner did tip you would only break even. Is almost sounds less like they are servers and more like they are renting stage time, if you know what I mean. I definitely want to do the right thing, so please pass along the info if you catch this.

I love the new math. Even if a restaurant makes you declare a percentage of your total sales, the percentage would not be 18%. It would probably be 10% to 15%. And even if the percentage you had to declare was 18%, it would only cost $18 on $100 purchase if the tax rate were 100%. Now, I know we may be headed in that direction with that Governor of ours, but we have not yet approached that level of taxation.

What is more likely is that you would have 25% to 30% of the $18 dollars, which would be about $5.

I always love when waiters complain about taxes being withheld on tips they never saw. No doubt this happens, but I also bet the IRS never finds out those tips in the 20% to 25% range. I realize some of this evens out in the wash, but I'll contend the advantage goes to the waiters, especially since there are studies that show 40% of all tip income is unreported.

Now if you are one of those people who has more withheld than he should have, then you'll get everything that is due to you when you file your taxes. Most Americans who work for someone else end up having more withheld than they actually owe, and we get a refund. Why should waiters be any different.

Ok...now I'm done my rant.

Thanks for shining a light into the darkness, Robert!

What exactly did Robert shed light on?? I'd like to know when the studies that show "40% of tips are unreported" were conducted. If he's even citing an actual study, perhaps it was back when credit cards weren't the primary form of payment. Now that they are it's pretty tough to not claim what you're actually making.

Sorry the math on my "$100/18%" example wasn't so prescise as to include tax, but it made the point...and believe me, some restaurants do make their servers claim UP TO 18%...However the math works out, should a server have to pay for even 5 bucks of some arrogant customer's $100 bottle of wine that they're too cheap to tip on??? That was all I was trying to make people aware of. When was the last time you worked in the service industry Robert?

Longtime, don't confuse this issue. The tax I speak of is your income tax, not the sales tax. In addition, you need to understand the difference between income taxes paid and income taxes withheld.

Let's say your restaurant withholds taxes based on an income estimate of 18% of your gross sales. Your withholding would be about 25% of that income estimate. Now Just because they withhold that amount doesn't mean you actually pay taxes on that amount. When it comes time to actually file your taxes -before April 15 - you're taxes will be based on what you actually made not what was estimated. Now you may choose to use the estimate, perhaps to avoid an audit, but you will ultimately be taxed on what you actually earn or at least claim to have earned.

First, I hate when people try to minimize debate by using the "when was the last ime you worked in such and such an industry" line. Nevertheless, I'll play along. I did work in the service industry back in college, but where I worked had a service charge added to the bill.

I have always thought the service charge is a better system. It eliminates this tax issue and provides the customer with a better understanding that there is a cost of service instead of some gift they give at the end of them meal called a tip.

The problem in the US is that very few people are professional waiters and very few establishments train their wait staff. Their is a group in DC-Great American Restaurants-that trains its staff for a week before they are allowed on the floor. Each of their places is unique and though their staff has part timers you would never know it.
Unfortunately the management at many places isn't trained either.

Essentially what Longtime seems to be arguing is that, some restaurants will make you claim "X" percentage of your sales when you may not have even made that much.

So, if somebody orders a $100 bottle of wine, and doesn't leave a tip on it, the server still has to claim that as a part of their sales, and the tax that they pay is based upon their sales, not what they actually made. So from a server's perspective, they are paying on money that they aren't taking home. For sake of example, we'll say that a server's sales for a given night are $1000. They are taxed on 18% of those sales ($180), and because of poor tippers, etc. they only take home $125.

At least, that's what I took from it. Maybe it just wasn't clearly stated.

Being told I have to sit at the table by the bathroom door because my server doesn't have enough tables...
-to be completely honest most servers don't really enjoy the notion of spending a good deal of extra time cleaning tables that are out of their section regardless of how much money they may make on the deal. Likewise, a guest's idea of "slower service" due to a table being out of their server's section is vastly less realistic than the actual server's idea. I can appreciate not wanting to sit next to the bathroom door, but you can always go to a different restaurant when the current one doesn't suit your needs or wants.

Being ignored when I sit down. I know you have other customers. It's nice if you take a moment to say, "I'll be right with you."
-I agree completely with this one but, once again, most guests at a restaurant have absolutely no concept of what that server's job may entail. So while you sit for an extra three minutes, you might perceive that as being too long - regardless of the fact that the server is getting to you as soon as they can. For a great deal of guests, even simply stopping by the table to say that "I'll be with you in a moment" isn't enough.

Being told long lists of specials without any prices, particularly if those prices are higher than the ones on the menu. I always ask for the prices, but in certain situations asking can be awkward.
- Why would asking be awkward? Do you realize how awkward it is for a server to make suggestions based on price? If we suggest something that is inexpensive, we're insulting your intelligence and earning ability, if we suggest something too expensive, we're out for a big tip. The bottom line is, we can't win in these situations. Most places price their specials higher because they include ingredients that are a little bit more pricey than their average entrees, or because they're trying to make a little of the profit lost on things such as kids meals or promo food.

Recommending the most expensive entree on the menu or a very expensive bottle on the wine list when asked. Or saying "everything's good," even if it is. My husband hates it when a waiter says "excellent choice" no matter what you order, but I've got bigger concerns than that.
-Why wouldn't we recommend the most expensive items? If you ask for a recommendation from someone whose income is directly proportional to the cost of the bill, would you expect them to offer the cheapest thing on the menu? Also, chances are, if you ask for a recommendation, you are taking up a bit more of my time that could be spent with another table, or doing my side work, so I'm going to need to make up the money somehow. I do agree with you, however, on the "everything" is good argument. That is used, sometimes, to try and expedite the process so that the server can attend to their other work but mostly it's just a server being lazy. And I should know, I've done it many time.

Not writing down the order and then getting something wrong.
-I can understand that this can be upsetting, but many times this could be a kitchen error and, let's face it, once the server puts your order in, their responsibility for the actual food, unless it was input incorrectly, falls to the kitchen. Try to realize that restaurants are, by and large, a collaborative effort and the blame shouldn't always fall on the server. It should be said, however, that most good servers who don't write things down typically get more things correct than they do incorrect.

Not stopping by to keep me posted if the kitchen is slow. At least then I know the food isn't just sitting under a warming light while you're having a smoke out back. A corollary of that is chatting with other servers in plain view while I'm waiting for my food...
-Once again, a matter of perspective comes into play. I could tell you that the kitchen is slow, and when your entrees come out a mere five minutes later than they would have, you could be angry regardless. Five minutes to someone who is sitting and waiting is more like one or two to the server who is running around taking care of many things. Also, if you don't have your food and the server is chatting, that might mean that it's not done cooking yet. Once again, don't assume that the server has much to do with the actual food preparation.

Telling me to save my fork or knife for the next course rather than bringing fresh flatware.
-I'll keep that in mind next time I eat at your house. ;) Look, the servers are typically responsible for rolling silverware at the end of the evening and it can make for a long night making $2.38 an hour at the end of your shift when you have to sit around rolling silverware without any tables to tip you. Also, bringing you new silverware with each entree will ensure that the clean silverware runs out quicker than it can be washed and rolled during a shift. So your option is to keep that silverware, or not have any for the next course.

Not keeping the water or wine glasses filled. Ditto not offering a second round of coffee.
-I can't disagree with this too much, but if a server is more than a little busy, and your water goes unfilled for a few extra minutes, relax and have some patience.

* The one that bothers me most: Not clearing the table completely before bringing the next course.
-This bothers me too, although it's not always entirely possible given how busy the server is. Also, if the people who bring the next course to your table don't assist in clearing those plates, then they are to blame as well. A restaurant only runs well when everyone plays their part.

Not asking if we're ready for our check, and not being anywhere around so we can signal that we're ready.
-Sometimes it's very awkward to ask a table if they'd like the check. We don't want to feel as if we're rushing you out the door, but if we don't turn those tables, we don't make a living. So it's a catch-22 sometimes. We may ask you every five minutes if you'd like the check, but after fifteen minutes you'll get upset that we're interrupting you so much. After twenty minutes of you nursing your water or coffee after a meal, we start losing money so, of course, we want to give you your check. Also, timing is everything. We might not be readily available the exact moment that you want your check, but you probably haven't always been "johnny-on-the-spot" with your orders either. ;)

Forgetting to bring the leftovers out after the meal, or even worse, forgetting to pack them, so they're lost for good.
-Yeah, this is annoying. Accidents can, and do, happen though, either through a negligent server or busboy or just through an accident, plain and simple. This would be a good reason to ask for the manager and simply explain what happened. No need to get angry.

You'd really be surprised what can be accomplished with a waiter through being patient and using manners. We're there to provide a service, not to be servants. A little kindness, especially toward the server or, if need be, the manager, can go a very long way.

And, quite frankly, if you don't like the service or the seating arrangement or the food at a particular establishment, there are plenty of other places to patronize.

For my part, the worst dining service faux pas are all language-related:

1. Using the word "working" in conjunction with dining. As in "Are you finished with your steak or are you still WORKING on it?" Hopefully, we are "enjoying", "experiencing", "savoring" our meals but it should not be work!

2. Asking one diner "Can I get that out of you way?" while someone else at the table is still eating.

3. Using the word "folks" when addressing diners. As in "How are you FOLKS tonight?" This may be OK at Cracker Barrel, but nothing higher in the food chain.

so, I get the impression from "mdlrvrmuncher" that there is always an reason (read : excuse/blame) for every point Elizabeth is making. A diner chooses to spend their hard-earned money, paying a premium for food and drinks, at a restaurant and there is some basic protocol that one expects...it is reasonable.

having said that, I also think that everyone should work in a restaurant once in their lives as this would make us all better restaurant patrons.

David White, I must say, I have to disagree with every one of your pet peeves.

Obviously it's hard to disagree, because they're personal, but, "Are you still working on it?" sounds a lot less awkward than "Are you still savoring it?" If a server said that to me, even at a very nice restaurant, I would find that arrogant and/or goofy, and would probably roll my eyes.

That "Can I get this out of your way?" thing is something I struggle with all the time. Some people hate to sit with a dirty dish in front of them. Others prefer to leave it until everyone is finished. My rule of thumb is to take it away as long as it doesn't leave just one person eating. Does this make everyone happy? Apparently not. But it seems like a good compromise. Do you like sitting for twenty minutes with a dirty dish in front of you until the last person at your table is finished? What is the limit? What if 8 people are eating, and one guy wolfs his food down, and put it off to the side with a wadded up napkin on it? Are we supposed to leave it? Hmmmm....

And, thirdly, what do you suggest instead of "folks"? "How are you all doing tonight?" "How is everyone doing tonight?" I can understand that "guys" is informal, but "folks" always seemed like a safe compromise. Until now.

My pet peeves as a server (and I actually really like serving tables):

1. Guests who come in and think they can pick their own table, regardless of what the host says. I realize sometimes seating is awkward, but there are reasons for everything, often good ones (reservations, even spacing of guests). You don't own the place, so don't be haughty about where you can sit. I don't mind gentle requests, but to be rude about where you are sat just rides my nerves. Or to come right in and sit down, ignoring me while I'm greeting you and seating you.

2. Stacking the plates and dishes immediately after you finish your food. That just makes me look bad.

3. Telling me, annoyed, that you have theater/movie/concert tickets too late for me to do anything about it. Tell me right when you come in, and I'll rush your food as quickly as I can.

4. Lowering my tip because the kitchen was slow. Not my fault. If I kept you abreast of your food, if I explained what was happening, and was honest, it's not fair to punish me for the slowness of the kitchen.

5. Someone mentioned it earlier, but if I come to your table and you are in conversation, please try to end your conversation at the next sentence. It is so rude to just have me wait there and force me to interrupt.

6. If you don't want me to bring you change and you're paying with cash, please let me know so I don't go through the trouble of rushing your change to you. I always say, "I'll be right back," and if you wanted me to keep the change, please let me know at this point rather than just leaving it on the table. It is often an arduous task to get change in the middle of a hundred other things, and if you just leave it at the table exactly as I brought it, it's a waste of time for me. It also make me think you just didn't want me to know if you were leaving a cheap amount (I don't ever look until you leave anyway, though).

I was surprised to learn that some people object to being addressed as "folks." I personally do not like being lumped in with the "guys." We know that "you people" can ruffle feathers. Could we all agree on just using "you," or is that a hot button, too?