LAST WEEK I WAS WITH 3 OTHER PEOPLE. THE WAITRESS COMITTED 4 OF THE 10.

It's funny how, reading this, they seem fairly benign, but when they're happening to me, I am filled with great vengeance and furious anger.

Here's another: clearing off the plates before everyone is finished.

I think this all comes down to proper training and how well management keeps an eye on the operations. Come on, people, you're running a business. The items in Elizabeth's list are no-brainers especially for the establishments that charge high amounts for the dining experience. I would add this to the list: We've all had bad days, but people who work in the service industry have an obligation to at least try to hide their attitude (or heartbreak, or whatever) when dealing with the paying public. I wonder how many of the offenders have experienced their own horror stories as customers? Finally, kudos to those workers who actually do make the dining experience delightful.

“Being told long lists of specials without any prices...” This is a no brainer in moderately priced restaurants, but in higher end establishments this is debatable. Granted, one may not like the convention that makes it inappropriate for a server to draw attention to the price of everything (which may be construed as insulting - as in “you can’t afford to eat here.” Trust me, customers can be touchy to such details, especially if they feel out of place. A good server never makes a guest feel out of place or out of their league), but that is not necessarily a “service mistake.”

If my Maitre`di ever caught me attaching prices to every one of our specials, my days of working in fine dining establishments would be over. I would be stripped of my tuxedo and given directions to the Sip-N-Bite. Not that they don’t have a very tasty crabcake, but my establishment is known to charge “through the nose” for ours (hint hint). If a customer chooses to pay through-the-nose prices to patronize our establishment, it could be perceived as presumptuous and insulting to price every item. Wine, of course, is an exception to this rule. I also, as delicately and subtly as possible, inform the guest of the price of wildly expensive cognacs or brandies to guests when ordered - usually by discretely bringing a drink menu over and pointing to the price. But with food items, it must be presumed that price is no object to the guest.

I think, as a rule of thumb, if caviar is on the menu, the responsibility of addressing prices lies with the guest and not with the establishment. My guests ask me the prices of items all the time. I cannot think of a scenario where that would ever be awkward. After all, they are the guest - it is our job to make them as happy as possible. If they ask me the price of one special, I then tell the the prices of all the specials - as it is then established by their lead - that discussion of money is appropriate. A good server always follows a guest’s lead to gauge what is appropriate and inappropriate. Before the guest has declared or inferred his or her level of formality - like, say, early in dining experience, when specials are being described - the most formal levels of etiquette must be followed. According to the rules of etiquette, loose talk of money is considered inappropriate and possibly rude.

I also hate the fact that customers think that no matter what they ae always right. Sometimes these things are an inconvience, but I would rather be left alone and not have to spend my whole experience being a critic. Most of you that are commenting have no idea what it is like to wait on the general public. They are rude, crass, disgusting and for the most part should eat at home. The things listed are minor and are part of a persons personal preference. Which is why I suggested going out to eat less.

As I said in an earlier post, how hard is it to print off a list of the specials, with descriptions and prices for guests to look at while looking at the regular menu? Computer, printer, nice paper, good fonts. Easy-peasy.

One of our sources of irritation are wait staff that bring the appetizers and the main course out at the same time (or else the appetizer and then two minutes later the main course arrives). Who's responsible for that, the waiters or the kitchen?

I really don't like being asked "Are you still workin' on it?" or "Is everything tastin' OK?" A good restaurant knows when I'm finished and doesn't have to ask, and also knows that the experience has more to do with taste.

I will never return to a restaurant in which a server asks me to move, for whatever reason.

You only get what you pay for. If you pay lousy wages, you are going to get lousy help. Don't blame the waiters, blame the management for not hiring enough help or making waiters perform tasks that the cooks and kitchen help should perform. Also, the manager at name deleted told a friend, who was training as a waitress, that by intentionally delaying the initial seating and taking more time in between appetizers, entrees, and deserts, that gives the restaurant the opportunity to pump up the bar tabs and that is their highest profit item.

One other experience was at the Olive Garden in Salisbury, Md. The waiter offered us a "taste" of the featured wine of the day without mentioning that it was $5.95 per "taste". When it showed up on our bill, I was furious.

Went to Mia Carolina's in Glydon this past Friday based on two friends recommendation. Made a reservation the Wednesday before and upon an early arrival was seated in the bar area with people standing wing in a foot of our table hang at the bar!!!! If I want a rump roast I'll ordeer it from the menu please....Needless to say we expresses our concern and were told we could wait another hour for a table to clear...we left went to Micho's down the road and had a great dinner!!!!!

Perhaps we have overlooked a few things in this hasty judgement of servers.

Being a server is a daily reminder that the majority of people are obnoxious, self-important bad tippers. The only part of the job that makes it feel less subservient than it already is are smiles and conversation from the occasional friendly table. But, for the most part, customers seem to forget manners, compassion, decency and inside voices.

That being said, you'll have to exuse us if we forget to bow down to the great Serving Commandments listed above... most of us are busy babysitting the credit-card weilding toddlers sitting in our section.

When Morimoto's (of Iron Chef) opened in Philly I went there for lunch. There was a chef tasting special that day. When I asked the waitress how much that would be, she said it depends and that she wouldn't know until after the chef made it. I kept on pressuring her for a price, but she wouldn't budge. Now, this is not the fault of the server, but I still can't believe a restaurant would operate like that. It takes the concept of "if you have to ask how much you can't afford it." to the extreme. Now maybe I could see this in Tokyo or Monoco....but this was Philly. Philly? Come on.

A pet peeve of mine: The servers not knowing which person gets which dish. I can understand (and don't mind) at a casual place, but when I am paying a lot of money for food AND service, I don't want to have to raise my hand as the servers call out the orders (unless it is a very large group), or have the wrong dish placed in front of me.

Good list, Elizabeth.

I worked as a waitress and bartender years ago, so I am very sympathetic to the balancing act restaurant servers have to do between the kitchen and the guests. But paying attention and taking care of the little things that ARE within your control (many of which are mentioned above) go a long, long way.

Because I've been in their shoes and know what hard work it is, I tip very well when I get good service. But when I don't -- and I never punish the waiter for the sins of the kitchen -- I scale back my gratuity accordingly. I feel like the reward should match the effort, and if bad waiters get enough bad tips that they can't continue waiting tables, maybe they'll find jobs better suited to their strengths.

The pickiest of critics are usually servers, themselves. I have been out to dine with people in the industry and they do not hesitate to criticise.
Personally, My husband and I have two of the same pet peves when it comes to dining out. First: the lack of supervision of inexperienced staff members is intolerable. It almost always leaves us feeling like we don't know why we continue to frequent these places. Convenience? Price? You get what you pay for.
Second complaint: People bussing tables have not been sufficiently trained to work in the industry. If I see one more person drop a rag on the floor and then clean a table I think I may have to correct them myself. You cannot tell me this behavior only occurs when the manager is looking the other way.
Allow me to add a third criticism.
Has anyone else received a bowl of cream of crab soup that looked like a bowl of mashed potatoes? Yes, they actually had that shape. It was sent back to the kitchen numerous times before it was presented at a temperature that was tolerable.
I will stop here, though there are many more infractions.

I'm not really a snob but one foible that makes my skin craw is when (particularly young) servers refer to my wife and myself as "you guys." "I'll be serving you guys." "Can I get you guys a drink?" "Have you guys decided what you would like?"

We both used to wait tables and I know I would have been dismissed instantly if I had addressed our patrons so familiarly.

Christian, “ The things listed are minor and are part of a persons personal preference.” From one server to another, minor or major, the examples listed above (with the exception of servers being expected to vocalize prices) are service errors, and if a server commits these errors regularly, then he or she is providing poor service. There is nothing wrong with constructive criticism, and I find this list to be largely constructive. I think it would be a very positive list for managers to use during line-up meetings, especially if their staff is young and largely inexperienced.

Fairfax, “how hard is it to print off a list of the specials...” Largely, you have valid opinion, and as a server, I would agree that this would make my life a lot easier; but, restauranteurs feel that would be an impersonal touch, and seem to believe that vocalized specials sell better. Consequently, do not expect this to happen anytime in the near future at all of your favorite restaurants.

Jon L. Albee, "Is everything tastin' OK?" If your issue is with word choice, I would have to agree with you. But to fail to follow up with your customer and make sure they are happy with a course is an egregious service error. Restaurants employ outside secret shoppers to make sure their servers ask to make sure that everything is okay. If they fail to do so, the restaurant will receive a negative review from the service... and the server in question would have a lot of explaining to do to his or her employer.

"Are you still workin' on it?" and “A good restaurant knows when I'm finished and doesn't have to ask.” Believe it or not, your server often does not know, even at the finest restaurants with the most experienced servers. Perhaps you have left your fork upside down parallel to the knife at the four o’clock position, or at the 2 o’clock position, or at the 10 o’clock position, or whatever position you were taught to signal to the server that you were finished with the plate. Unfortunately, these rules are not universal and actually change in popularity from region to region and continent to continent. As there is no universal rule, the vast majority of patrons are actually not familiar with any such rule anyway, and it is more likely that the guest haphazardly left the cutlery in said position by coincidence - forcing even the best servers to subtly ask “Shall I take that for you?” Even if you and the server are both members of the tiny minority of people who are familiar with the correct rule - given that you were both taught the same rule anyway.

Another peeve to add to the list (and I'm sympathetic, also, because I once waited tables): Too often than not, servers hastily drop off the bill before asking if you're interested in a second glass of wine, possibly an after-dinner drink or (gasp!) dessert. There is nothing more irritating than feeling rushed out of a restaurant (especially when a server tells you their shift is about to end). If the bill is going up with the addition of drinks and dessert, so is the tip! Rushing patrons out the door is rude, and more than enough reason to reconsider future dining expereinces at certain restaurants.

Concerning the filling of water glasses, over filling can be a problem as well. Nothing worse than having someone fill your water glass everytime you take a sip. It's always nice when someone brings a pitcher so you can fill when you are ready.

Great list. One that REALLY bothers me is, "Do you need change" once I have prepared to the bill to be paid. I want to say, "No, your service was so good, that even though my bill was only $22, you keep the change from my $100 bill." I have also been asked this question when my credit card is clearly sticking out...I hate that.

Another one for the list, though management sometimes insists servers do it; "Hi, my name is Mandy, I'll be your server tonight." No offense, but I don't want to know your name. If I have to use it to get your attention I most likely will not be returning to your restaurant anyway. And I know terrific servers who would much rather be anonymous -- they don't want to be your friend, they just want to serve you well and get paid for it.

We have been to Mia Carolina's several times. The food is excellent and the service has been horrid each time. My wife will not go back, no matter the quality of the food.

It is hard to argue with peeves because they are personal. I do have to take exception with a comment credited to Linda regarding not "punishing the server for the sins of the kitchen." The last person to touch the plate before it hits the table should take responsibility for any errors or omit ions. Quality is the responsibility of everyone in the restaurant. A server blaming the kitchen is the worst cop out ever and is constant source of frustration. A night out is an event for most people. They should be appreciated for taking the time to come to someone’s place of business. If most Baltimore diners enjoyed a meal in a place like San Francisco or New York they would be surprised at the service they are not getting.

I am surprised.. no one noted the complaint about writing down the order.
I know that higher end restaurants frown upon writing the order down, but I really FROWN upon getting the wrong meal and then being left to feel like I was wrong. Often times now, the casual restaurants (the chains..) have wait staff that do this -- I would say that 90% of the time, the order ends up being wrong.

I dislike a waiter/waitress coming to the table to pick up the bill and asking "Do you need any change?"

We are always generous tippers, but the question about needing change really annoys me.

Great list. Three things that bother me:
1. "GUYS" even when the server is many years younger than we "GUYS."
2. "Do you need change?"
3. "Not a problem."

I think the worst service is when your appetizers and your main entree arrive at the same time. It is not that difficult to specify the dish that is an appetizer.

I would like to see more specials printed up (with prices). As someone who is hearing-impaired, listening to a recitation of specials (esp. in a noisy restaurant) is a challenge.

I do sympathize with the wait staff, having waited tables in college (yes, we had sit-down meals). I grew so frustrated with the demands of my fellow students that I switched over to working in the library.

Chiming in late, but most of the things on your list are somewhat annoying but forgivable. I, along with everyone else in the world, hates the "do you need change?" question.

I have never been a waiter, but I have noticed a lot more abusive patrons than staff. For some reason having someone provide service brings out the worst in people. I'm always pleasant, don't trash the place, don't annoy a busy server with numerous piddly requests, forgive the small stuff, and I tip reasonably well -- never less than 20%.

In return, most of the time I get good service. The Golden Rule applies to dining out as much as it does to all other areas of life.

Jon said - "I have never been a waiter, but I have noticed a lot more abusive patrons than staff. For some reason having someone provide service brings out the worst in people."

One of the things I was always aware of when I was dating was how my date treated the people who provided service to us. If I saw genuine kindness in those situations, I could be pretty sure the person would end up treating me well, too.

This is a habit that management should correct.
Servers bringing water with the hand wrapped around the rim of the glass instead of the bottom or stem. How do I know where that hand has been before it holds that glass?
This is a health issue.

I'm a teacher, but wait tables on the side, and have been at the same Baltimore restaurant for five years.

I noticed several things in this long list of items that I am trained/required to do. That's something to think about - we're supposed to give our name, we're supposed to ask if the food tastes good, we're supposed to have the specials memorized and not list the prices in our description. It's hard to blame the server for following management's orders.

That being said, I think several of the things here are spot-on. The one that stood out the most, though, is the issue of clearing plates when diners are done. I always struggle with this. Some people (like me, when I'm dining) hate to sit with a dirty plate in front of them. Others hate to be the last one at a table eating. It's a crapshoot. My general rule of thumb is to clear as long as I'm not leaving one person eating alone. However, this does not make everyone happy.

I can only do my best, though.

When did it become acceptable for wait staff to hand dishes/orders to diners?

I absolutely hate when dishes are not cleared in a timely manner (why should I have to look at my salad plate as I eat my entree?) and when servers disappear for a long while.

Some servers seem to think that once they drop the entree on the table, they don't need to see you until you are ready for your bill! I may want extra condiments, additional drinks or I may want to add something to my meal. My water glass should remain full at always times instead of me having to actually wave down someone.

I have to admit that I take this out on the server with their tip; if I only see you once during my entire meal, your tip will reflect that.

'Being told long lists of specials without any prices, particularly if those prices are higher than the ones on the menu. I always ask for the prices, but in certain situations asking can be awkward.'
Even worse, much worse, some restauraunts employ the tactics whereby they call certain entrees 'specialties' even though they serve them daily, thus, avoiding having to list them on the menu with price tags. Invariably, the price is very high. You only realize that when you go back and find out time and again. To me that's blatant deception,
although, obviously, not the servers' fault. They're just accessories to the crime.

My new pet peeve...

Wrapping up a nice dinner by being offered a bail bonds sponsored pen to sign the check. Are my fellow diners at these establishments the target market? Is this restaurant frequented by the criminal element?

Bob UU - Hilarious. I am so sick of the Bail Bonds pens....they're everywhere in Baltimore. Its embarassing.

As a server, I completely agree with your list, but take issue with one or two responses to the topic.

Epiph and Through the Nose really hit the spot when it comes to when to clear dishes. Everyone has a different idea of when dishes "should" be cleared, and it's virtually impossible to know. You can have four people sitting at a table and each have a different opinion on the matter.

Because I work at a pretty laid-back place, I usually go ahead and clear plates when they're clear or when someone has placed their napkin on top. Our tables are small, and it seems most people are grateful that they have some room to relax rather than having to sit with an emptied plate.

And as for asking if you need change: my deal is that if the restaurant is packed and you're in for a quick meal, like a weekday lunch, I ask to save us both time. Some people, believe it or not, are insulted if you bring back change that was intended to be a tip. Others are irritated that you'd presume that extra $4 on a $25 check was for you.

In both cases, it really is a crapshoot. Serving is a great study of character, but the more people you serve, the less sure you can become of things you thought were givens.

We do our best (or at least most of us do) to give you all as much attention as you need, and the worst thing is having customers who are overly demanding and clearly on some sort of power trip.

So to John Parker and others like him, I'll speak on behalf of all servers when I say a big thank you for being some of the shockingly few reasonable diners out there. Customers like you help us to do a better job all around, and reinstate what faith in humanity we managed to lose waiting on all the jerks out there...

Where are you people eating?!?
I have been in the fine dining industry for many years and have never felt so ashamed to call myself a server! Unless you patronize Shenanigan's on a regular basis, none of these foibles should ever be made. I am not saying that I don't have my bad days, but it is just common sense that a person serving you in a tuxedo never ask whether or not you want change. We are mindless uniformed robots, but we do have manners! Heck, I have been known to start spouting off the daily specials in a dead sleep!
Please give the right establishments another chance. We are not all animals, I promise!

Very interesting post. My question, especially for you servers out there, is what do you do when you're at an expensive restaurant and the meal is going downhill (e.g., lack of attention, appetizers coming with entrees, requests for refills being taken but not fulfulled, not checking to see if the food was prepared correctly - it wasn't)? Do you try to find management? I ask this, not to punish the server, but in an attempt to salvage the meal. This happened recently to my family when celebrating a very special occasion. We complained after the meal to the owner, but all she could say is "we're a very good restaurant," which implied that we were the problem. In case you're wondering, as I would, if we are the type who are never happy, we had a very good meal at the same restaurant a few months previously. Any help would be greatly appreciated. We've avoided going out to a pricey venue ever since.