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May 20, 2011

Rapture 2011 -- a reader's Q&A

rapture 2011

As devoted readers, you're probably woindering how Rapture 2011 -- coming this Saturday to a planet near you -- will affect your life. Here's a quick primer:

Q: Do I have to return my overdue books to the library today? A: Baltimore-area libraries are not making exceptions for the Rapture. If you're headed for heaven on Saturday, the libraries will have a hard time collecting fines from you. But as a good soul, you'll probably want to leave the books behind for the folks who are still stuck on Earth.

Q: I'm only on page 73 in "Ulysses," can I take it with me? A: If you're reading that blasphemous novel, you're not headed upstairs, so don't worry. You'll have plenty of time to finish. Those who are still plodding through "Gone with the Wind" can bring it along.

Q: If you go to a motel in heaven, is there a Bible in the nightstand? A: Oddly enough, no. But I'd like to think my favorite book will be waiting there.

Send me other questions and I'll provide the answers.

Photo of Damien Hirsh's painting, "Rapture."

Posted by Dave Rosenthal at 11:40 AM | | Comments (10)


Am I going to need reading glasses to read my books up in heaven? I'm presuming I'm going to need sunglasses to shield my eyes a bit from the shining of God, but what about reading glasses? Do they sell/supply reading glasse and/or sunglasses in heaven. I'm hoping for bifocal sunglasses like the ones from Out of the Blue Eyewear in Timonium.

What will happen to my beloved pets? Do dogs, cats, and goldfish have souls and/or go to, say, doggie heaven?

Mar, there is a 24-hour CVS just in case you leave something behind during the Rapture.

Ralph, some businesses already are offering to care for your pets if you leave in the Rapture. (I hope they're getting paid in advance.) Animals have good hearts so they will be up there. No leashes in heaven!

Whew, thanks, Dave! That's a handy piece of information to have! We'll probably need suntan lotion, too...

Ralph, WBAL morning news interviewed a guy this week running a business staffed by atheists who were paid in advance to feed pets if they are left behind. Personally, I agree with Dave and they'll be coming with us.

will it hurt?
or will i ENJOY it!!??? =)

FRUITY, with a handle like that, I have no doubt you'll enjoy it. It will be better than having the Orioles sweep a double-header against the Yankees.

I'm a lawyer and suppose I could just go look this up, but perhaps there is a real estate nerd or law student who can answer this without having to do the research. If I contract to buy a house for $100 (or some other undermarket number) from someone who thinks he is leaving us tomorrow, and he does leave us, are his heirs obliged to go to settlement? Alternatively, if he doesn't leave us tomorrow, can he get out of the contract?

Who will write the first book on life after Rapture? Title? Will a movie be made of it? Who will play the leads?

Will my Kindle work in the afterlife?

Nicole, based on the the legal theory of deus ex machina, the heirs must go through with the deal. If the seller doesn't ascend, he's stuck with the deal, as punishment for having an unclean soul. (p.s. I noticed that you didn't suggest that you might be included in the Rapture. Are you assumning that no lawyers go?)

Joann: Whatever the title, the movie had better be made quickly, because the folks left behind don't have much time left.

Gail: Heaven is a giant rechargeable pad, so no need to bring AA batteries or a cord.

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About the blogger
Dave Rosenthal came to The Baltimore Sun as a business reporter in 1987 and now is the Maryland Editor. He reads a wide range of books (but never as many as he'd like), usually alternating between non-fiction and fiction. Some all-time favorites: A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole; Wind, Sand and Stars by Antoine de Saint-Exupery; and anything by Calvin Trillin or John McPhee. He belongs to a book club with a Jewish theme.
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