Daphne Czechtowika, hostess for a German-themed restaurant in Racine, Wis., revealed today that she did not have an affair with Tiger Woods -- a claim that set off a rush by book agents for her memoir. If true, the claim would make Czechtowika the only hostess or waitress in America whom Woods did not hit on.

"Tiger came in once for the Tuesday night all-you-can-eat brat special, and I may have seated him a little too close to the oompah band," said Czechtowika, 23, who has worked at the Little Bavaria restaurant for two years. "Or maybe he was preoccupied by the recent birth of one of his children. Or maybe he doesn't have a thing for dirndls."

"Whatever -- we just never hit it off," she added, forming her fingers into the shape of a W. "But I still wish him well."

Publishers eager for a holiday blockbuster are bidding her memoir into the high six-figure range. The story reportedly will detail Czechtowika's rise from a public housing project in Milwaukee, and the inspiration she drew from her family, including an immigrant grandmother.

"While we value Tiger's privacy, this is a wake-up call for all families -- even ones without multi-millionaires and supermodels. We think iher story will have universal appeal for the holidays," said one agent who would did not want to be named.

Ho, ho, ho!