The next Twilight? That's what she said.
One of the duties of being a book blogger is bracing each day for the avalanche of pitches from publicists touting the next Da Vinci Code, Twilight or other runaway best-seller. Not that all publicists are a pain. On the contrary, I’ve found them to be very helpful arranging author interviews and guest posts, or financing my beach house. But every so often, an annoying letter or e-mail pitch surfaces, such as the recent one that noted — almost apologetically — that the first-time novelist was “a well-known author of statistics textbooks.”
Another publicist recently e-mailed, wondering why I had not yet reviewed a book she had sent. (It was nothing personal, but Read Street receives dozens of books each week, and I’m not drawn to this sort of blood-and-guts thriller.) Her e-mail said: “I realize that you may have read the book, but don’t have time to write a review so I’ve included some mock reviews below that you may find possibly fits how you feel about the book. Feel free to choose one if this helps.” Then she listed 10 plug-and-play blurbs, including phrases such as “Great page-turner,” “Couldn’t put it down," and “#1 Summer Read of 2009.”
Initially, I was incensed that the publicist thought I was not competent enough to write my own cliches. Then I realized that I was looking a gift horse in the mouth, and biting the hand that feeds me. (Which is very hard to do simultaneously.) Here was a way to be freed from the burden of creativity and high-pressure writing on deadline. So I turned back to her list of blurbs, which I had printed out. Unfortunately, they fell to the floor and were all mixed up. I tried to reconstruct them, but they got a bit garbled. Some, unfortunately, seem to read like the subject lines on emails from Nigerians who are seeking investors.
Here’s my best shot: “Don’t even think of page-turning anticipation!” ”Kept me up down.” “Filled with NY Times!” “Couldn’t put it near the water!”
Publicists should feel free to use them as needed.
Comments
This reminds me of the great story told in Richard Rhodes latest book about when Reagan dropped his cue cards while talking to Gorbachev, getting them all mixed up, and what came out next didn't make much sense, even to the translator!
Posted by: rhapsodyinbooks | May 24, 2009 9:08 AM
If you give that publicist access to your log in page, she could do all the work for you!
Posted by: Kathy | May 24, 2009 10:54 AM
With banks in trouble, it's nice that publicists are financing beach houses. But because of this post (which IS very funny, by the way), the financing on your beach house may be yanked!
Posted by: Gail Farrelly | May 24, 2009 12:02 PM
Ah well, she got your attention, right? :)
Posted by: Lauretta Nagel(ConstellationBooks) | May 24, 2009 2:33 PM
That's funny. Publicist blurbs are the new Dadaism. I want to be up down filled with New York Times page-turning excitement.
Posted by: kswolff | May 24, 2009 3:05 PM
Dear God, Dave, that's too funny. Absolutely sickening but, at the same time, like seeing a busload of Republicans sailing off a cliff, it provokes a certain grotesque fascination...
Loved your piece. Sarcasm is a beautiful thing when it's employed by a master.
Well done, man!
Posted by: CliffBurns | May 24, 2009 3:08 PM
Can we say "Chutzpah", boys and girls? Actually, it is a wonderful idea. Think of all the time and effort it saves reviewers! I always say, never think for yourself when someone else is willing to do it for you. (And if you go along with this, please let me know and I will send you some "suggestions" for reviews for all of my books, complete with an extra set of exclamation points and smiley faces to add impact.)
Posted by: Dorien Gray | May 25, 2009 5:31 PM
Hilarious. But I hope that someone sends a copy of this email on to whatever authors she's representing -- seems to me like she's doing a bit of a shoddy job. If getting good reviews is seen as a matter of cutting and pasting formula phrases, why bother sending the book out in the first place?
Posted by: Christine | May 25, 2009 5:40 PM
Based on some of the emails I've seen going out from publicists, I wouldn't count on it being a joke. There are some awesome publicists out there that treat bloggers with respect and are treated with respect in turn. Then there are others who seem to think ... well, I haven't quite figured out what they think but their estimation of book bloggers intelligence seems to be rather low.
Posted by: Anysia | May 25, 2009 5:43 PM
I've been asked a couple times to post pre written material instead of writing my own review. I have never actually posted any of it. Instead I ALWAYS write my own reviews
Posted by: pussreboots | May 25, 2009 5:46 PM
Some seem to confuse book bloggers with their marketing department. I suppose there are enough book bloggers out there willing to do anything for a free book that they can get away with it, but I find reviews by those types of book bloggers are uninformative even if positive (note: I rarely come across those book bloggers because they don't frequent communities like this).
I don't deal with publicists like that because they make me uncomfortable not only because they tend to treat book bloggers like children to be corralled and directed, but also because they don't seem to understand the value of a detailed, honest review (whether positive or negative) to the reader. I have had e-mails by publicists saying that negative reviews aren't tolerated or that books won't be sent if negative reviews are written. Since I review every book I request and give honest reviews I pay no attention to the threat, though more often than not I just don't deal with anyone with those requirements.
Posted by: Anysia | May 25, 2009 5:48 PM