I have a positive take on book clubs, Here is a poem that didn't post on my last message. Here it is:

BOOK CLUB

In our lives of
Hi there,
have a nice day
get in the car and drive away
book clubs are agora,

a yoga slow breath drinking
inside thoughts of others, also
shadowy reflections of ourselves in play
upon the landscape of the book we’re reading.

We exchange perspectives.
Plot is stepping-off point—
our own events, conflicts, emotions
laid bare.

Memories ascend like lava,
spread, still burning.
In the smoke wisps we discover
how our lonely sensibilities
reach and comfort one another

Long ago - close to 30 years - I was part of a neighborhood book club. Since it was a new "development" we had all bought new houses at the same time and had kids about the same age. When my mother was dying of cancer, I was ordered to come out anyway. When new people moved into the neighborhood, we invited the woman of the house to join us. The books we read were nowhere near as highbrow as what I see groups reading now. After 6 or 8 years, people started moving out of the nieghborhood. Work became more demanding. In short, I guess, we got lives.

I tried a book club about 5 years ago. The book was The DaVinci Code several of the people there admittedly had not read the book but saw the movie and saw no problem. I was truly crushed and disappointed. I didn't go back. The problem was clearly mine. I had old-fashioned expectations. No one ever asked where I was or said they'd missed me (which I always do, even when I don't mean it) so I didn't feel the obligtion to explain my disappearance.

I’ve been in and out and back in my book club for more than 10 years, as have others. We women know that sometimes you have too much juggling going on in your life to attend every month or even every year – you are affected by elderly parents and terminal illnesses, children, grandchildren, domestic and financial difficulties, job stress and job searches, adoption, divorce, etc. We are not just about the books – we are about friendships. Membership has changed except for five or six people, which means enlarged horizons and experiences shared.

We discuss themes, trends, etc., as we decide what we want to read – one year I think we read every book about India by women (a bit much), then every Afghan book, mysteries, novels, nonfiction (my personal preference). I dropped out once because the political climate and conversation got on my nerves – it took a year before I came back and elections were over. We tend not to discuss politics so much now! The point is not just to keep the mind refreshed and challenged, but to acknowledge ties that bind and can help you in difficult times. Share joy as well.

I would recommend that book club members remember that criticism should be about the book and its author and even the book publisher/editor, not politics, not cultural conflicts, but the book. And remember to phrase criticism as constructive, rather than witty and cute. It’s neither.

Liz, great poem. Thanks!
Eve, Mary: You point out some of the potential minefields for a club. Political discussion can sink a club, so can, criticism that has a personal edge. One of the biggest issues is making sure members agree on expectations -- is the club mainly social, focused on serious discussion, or somewhere in the middle. There's no right answer, but everyone should be on the same page.

Liz, Eve, Dave, Mary, everyone: Have the rest of you had problems achieving the right balance between literary discussions and socializing? I've belonged to two book clubs in my life for an extended period: the first in Milwaukee, and the latter here in Baltimore. In my alumni group, we actually kept the book part of the discussion going for 45-60 minutes, which I thought was pretty good. Sometimes we had "guest speakers" (such as the author when we were reading a local book) which I liked a lot. But in my first book group, we spent about 15 minutes in literary analysis, and the remaining two hours in chit-chat, which I found disappointing.