Help Larry Doyle!
Ever wanted to advise a well-known writer? Here's your chance! Former Simpsons writer Larry Doyle, whose book I Love You, Beth Cooper recently won the 2008 Thurber Prize for American Humor, is speaking at the Baltimore Writers Conference. We asked him for a guest column, and as you'll see, he's seeking some guidance. His post:
As anybody who has been following the news knows, I will be giving the keynote address at the 17th annual Baltimore Writers’ Conference in Towson this Saturday. I will be speaking on a vital and fascinating topic, and I, for one, am dying to find out what it is.
At this point all I know for sure is that the speech should have something to do with writing, although I’m not going to hold myself to that. There might be something interesting in the newspaper that morning that I may wish to read aloud, or something I heard on the radio on the way over, or failing that, I may just riff on the physical appearance of the person introducing me.
I want to assure the organizers of the 17th annual Baltimore Writers’ Conference, who may be concerned that I haven’t written a word of, or even given a thought to, their keynote address, that this is simply part of my process. And if there is one thing we can all agree on, you have to respect the process. At least that’s what I’m always told by movie producers when bad things are happening.
Some writers, as Nancy Johnston noted last week, are bleeders, who pour everything onto the page with the ease of opening a vein. And others are ekers, who worry words into dead perfection. I am neither. My process is this: I never do anything unless and until I absolutely have to. For example, I am still writing this post as you are reading it, so please don’t scroll down too fast.
This may not make me a typical writer, but it does make me a typical worker. I am the American Worker, so much so I’m a little surprised I was not part of the McCain campaign.
Anyway, my point is, I am taking suggestions.
Submit your ideas and questions below, and I’ll either steal them for my speech, or I’ll address them during the question period afterwards, when, by tradition, nobody ever asks any questions. The only question I won’t be answering is “You don’t seem that funny; how did you get to write for The Simpsons?” because I’ve already answered it, in the afterward of the paperback of my book, and I get a dollar-fifty if you buy one.
And please, make your suggestions as thoughtful and witty as possible. This is a very important speech. Don't make me look bad.
Comments
I see that Hayden Panettierre is signed on for the screen adaptation of your novel. Can you give me her number? Or, possibly less stalkerly, could you give her my number, and tell her I am in the hospital, dying of a terrible, unknown-but-not-contagious disease and that my one wish is to have her call me and then come visit me and maybe go on a date and subsequently fall in love with me?
You know, I don't think I'm going to sign this.
Posted by: Anonymous Coward | November 4, 2008 11:33 AM
First of all, I think the speech has to relate to writing somehow. You can still do a fashion analysis of the person who introduces you, or talk about the fallout from the election, or why you like dark chocolate M & M's, but it has to relate back to writing eventually. It's a writers' conference. There are certain expectations from the participants. One of those is that they will hear stuff about writing.
Second, I'm thinking you have to be a least a little funny. Not through the whole speech but at least a couple of times. Again, expectations. You've written for the Simpsons. Your audience is expecting some demonstration of the witty brilliance that led to that assignment. Unless you have a big box of cookies with you you need a taste of humour.
On the other hand, you could work against expectations, not be funny at all and send everyone scurrying off to buy your book to find out how such a dull guy got to write for the Simpsons. In that case, I think you have spring for some cookies. A room full of cranky writers can be an ugly place.
Posted by: Darlene Ryan | November 4, 2008 12:54 PM
Sorry, I got nothing for ya. I could give you tons of blog topics but no speech topics. :(
Posted by: Heather J. | November 4, 2008 2:01 PM
"In Luther's Wake: Duke John Frederick II of Saxony, Angelic Prophecy, and the Gotha Rebellion of 1567." That one always cracks 'em up! (In interest of full disclosure, I got this from the AHA web site. I hope Mr. Starenko defended and is now inflicting his torture on sophomore history majors somewhere.)
Posted by: Gregg Wilhelm | November 4, 2008 5:35 PM
Did we get the president we deserve?
Posted by: Babu Writer | November 4, 2008 11:05 PM
Some possible themes:
"Forget the Children, Writers Are Our Future"
"Five Ways in Which Writers are Like Plumbers"
"Why Bad Guys in Movies Can't Aim"
"I Am Not Homer Simpson"
Posted by: Paul Lagasse | November 5, 2008 11:57 AM
Is the defeat of the McCain-Palin ticket bad for comedy writers? Will Tina Fey be reduced to doing skits about state road construction at the Wasilla Moose lodge?
Posted by: Dave | November 5, 2008 2:28 PM