liz, i still say any friend who would stick you with a $500 tab is no friend at all. eesh. i spend enough of my hard-earned money on my own. i don't need any help, thanks.

In group eating situations, if I plan on drinking a lot, I try to get my drinks at the bar, so that I don't inflate the group meal tab. But when that's not an option, I always add extra for my drinks. Drinks generally should not be added into the total that's being split, unless everyone shared bottles of wine or drank roughly the same amount.

But, when in these group eating situations, there will always be at least one person who doesn't pay their share, or who calculates tips differently than you, so you may as well plan to pay more than you would if you are eating alone. And there's just no point in eating only a salad. You will still have to contribute the price of an entree, most likely.The price to pay for company, perhaps.

I just read the CNN story, and my reaction is that guests need to take some responsibility and be proactive, too.

I always assume that birthday dinners mean that the birthday person will not be paying. So why not look at the restaurant menu beforehand and decide whether you can afford to attend?
Or get a separate check? Or suggest someplace else?

The $500 party, was really super outrageous though. Good for the guest for not giving in!

For real! $500 a person is outrageous. --- lfk

I was recently at a dinner at a local restaurant. I'd been sick for a couple of days before, but wanted to celebrate with these friends. I was well enough to go out, but not well enough to eat much. I ended up having some mashed potatoes and a glass of soda water. When the bill came, we split it evenly and I ended up paying for everyone's mixed drinks and lavish dinner. I didn't want to say anything, but wished someone had noticed and said something.

As for tipping, we have a "friend" who doesn't believe in tipping. It forces everyone else to add extra to cover her portion.

Augh! Doesn't believe in tipping?! It's bad enough that most people don't know how to calculate their fair share of the tip and tax --- I wish non-tippers would find a way to protest this custom that identifies themselves as the one who feels this way. --- lfk

I say if the birthday person is organizing the dinner guests shouldn't be obligated to pay. But if friends are throwing the dinner it should be an even split for that person's dinner.
If you're at a general group outing and the split cost is a whole lot more than what you ate speak up. In the end only you know what your budget is. I often don't drink at a meal and don't feel as if I should pay for others to drink. a

It looks like check-splitting can tell you a lot about your friends.

That's why I don't really like going to dinner with groups of people, especially with folks I don't really know. That is also why I ask for separate checks. It makes it easier. I hate when restaurants don't allow people to split the bill....

My husband and I have a friend who is fun to hang out with but incredibly cheap. A group of us went to dinner at a modestly priced restaurant and split the check. Everyone figured their share of check plus tax and tip and chipped in. Our friend checked the math and insisted that someone still owed $5. My husband put in an extra $5 just so he would stop complaining. At the time the friend was visiting from out of town and he was too cheap to even buy dinner for the person who was putting him up and driving him around.

I think that we should throw this open to the sandboxers at Dining@Large. I bet we'd get some interesting comments!

all valid points! if it's someone's birthday, i don't mind ponying up extra dough to cover the b-day honoree, but if it's just a regular dinner, everybody should pay for what they ate or drank!

I totally agree with Janet - split for birthday dinners, otherwise pay for what you ate.

I do think it needs to made clear by whoever is hosting the birthday dinner what everyone is expected to contribute (or not contribute). Then there will be less confusion/hard feelings at the end. It seems to be a bigger problem when more people are in attendance. Maybe keeping the group smaller would help some, too.

I'm planning a bachelorette party for possibly up to 20+ people (still waiting for people to RSVP, you know how that goes)...any tips for handling the bill without much commotion with that many people? Should I ask for money upfront and then put it all on my credit card? Should I tell people ahead of time what the payment expectations are? It's dinner and then the bar, so the bill could be outrageous. Just trying to plan ahead of any issues...help?

Readers, any advice? As the organizer, I think you can tell and should the other guests what to expect when it comes to the meal. I like what dining blogger Elizabeth Large suggested for group dinners: have the menu and cost set in advance, with a private room. It will make it easier on the restaurant to have a set menu and you should (hopefully) get better service.

EL also suggests getting an open bar. That's a good idea because if you want the group to cover the cost of the bride's meal and drinks, you can split it equally without anyone feeling shortchanged.

Going off on a bit of a tangent: I've been in situations where a group of people went out for a celebratory lunch, about 12 of us treating a co-worker who was leaving for a new job and after everybody kicked in, the total of collected bills was well above the bill plus a 20% tip. The co-worker who was counting the cash, asked if anybody wanted money back as we had "too much money". Nobody said they wanted money back, so I suggested that we leave the "excess" as a big tip for the waitstaff who we had probably run ragged getting drinks, etc. I received a nasty look and exasperated sigh from the "cash counter" as if I was out of line. Whatever.

DD: I agree with Whatever. If no one wants money back then the money probably should go to the waitstaff. So what did the cash counter do with the excess money?