Just remember to celebrate the marriage and not the ceremony. My hubby and I have been married for 26 years in a small ceremony, and one thing I have noticed is that the brides that celebrate the ceremony have gotten divorced.
The marriage is the important thing. Keep it small and simple: one best man, one maid/matron of honor, and 2-3 attendants. Keep the guest list down to those that matter to you. Keep it intimate.
The brides that have the 10+ attendants, and spend thousands and thousands of dollars, and have two hundred or more on the guest list are the ones that get divorced.

Susan, this is a fabulous reminder ... it will help keep things in perspective. --- lfk

I forgot to say: CONGRATULATIONS!

Thanks! --- lfk

Congrats!

The smartest (and most cost-saving) thing we did for our wedding was to hold the whole affair at a restaurant. This eliminates a lot of the things that can really add up, like the cost of renting tables, chairs, silverware, etc. Because the site and the caterer are one in the same, you are also more likely to avoid a site rental fee.

Our wedding site included the cake and just about everything in the per-person cost. This makes it much easier to have a realistic idea of the bottom line price.

The wedding industry really likes to nickel and dime you but it can be avoided as long as you try to remove some of the emotion from the process.

One more thought: Working for a newspaper, you certainly know a lot of great photographers. Enlist one of them to shoot your wedding and hope they're willing to cut you a deal.

Alisa, this is great advice! Thanks. --- lfk

Congratulations! Alisa above offers some great advice. We had our wedding and reception in the same place and it saved a ton of money. I also picked small, simple, available locally flowers to avoid ridiculous shipping and freight charges.

We skipped a DJ and had CDs cued up. I've had friends with iPods charged and loaded with various playlists.

We had a great wedding (and my guests felt the same way--at least the ones who said anything) and it cost about $5,000 (rings, dress, etc. included).

We did our honeymoon on the cheap, too, but I think that's a different post.

A suggestion: barter weddings. Though it has potential to be quite spotty, if you have dependable friends, it shouldn't be a problem. photographer friend does photography, your baker friend does the cake, your decorator friend offers services and so on.

also! you can save on a number of things if you don't put wedding in front of it. dresses, cakes, etc. are waaay more expensive once you put "wedding" in front of it.

I have married off both my daughters. One spent $700+ on a wedding dress and the other spent $99. They both looked fabulous because they chose dresses that fit their style. Their father and I gave them each a budget ($7500) and they were able to do exactly what they wanted by using my money wisely and adding less than $500 of their own money. All it takes is self-control and wise choices.

Congratulations Liz! I second Susan WNAJ's comment about celebrating your marriage and not the ceremony. We got married last year next to the Pagoda in Patterson Park (beautiful and free) and had the reception at our house right across the street (also free). My wife actually made her own dress and we got friends and others we trusted to do the photography, music, cake, etc. The only "big" expense was the catering, which was still far less expensive (and much better) than one of those package deals. It was a great day.

Some of the best weddings I've attended over the years have been rather small (less than 50 people) affairs. One of the best was two friends who got married on a pier down on Tihlman Island and then had the reception at a small town high school with BBQ. The high school's steel band (like from the islands, mon) helped make this an unforgettable and special day. Good luck and I wish both of you much happiness.

We had the photographer shoot in all digital and I made a wedding album at shutterfly.com. The book cost less than $50 and looks great (I like that I could add captions like a narrative). My sisters got traditional wedding (behemoth) albums and have them stashed away in a box, inside a bag, with tissue, in a closet. Mine looks like a "little golden book" and sits on the bookshelf.

My husband and I threw ourselves a great wedding and party (yes, we called it a party, not a reception) 2 months ago for less than $10K. It can be done. Don't get sucked into the wedding "racket," buying expensive items you'll only use once. You'd be amazed how much wedding stuff is sold on Craigs List, some of it never used. I guess that's where a lot of stuff ends up if the couple breaks up before the wedding.

Buy party favors online, you'll get a volume discount. We bought about 40 vases at flea markets and discount stores and filled them with cut flowers from Giant to spread around the site (our backyard). At the end of the day, all the female guests were given flowers to take home so there were none left to bother with or throw away.

And don't limit your wedding dress shopping to overpriced wedding boutiques. I bought a 1910 Victorian evening dress at a vintage clothing store for $65. Many guests told me it was the most beautiful wedding dress they'd ever seen.

We put our stereo speakers up on the roof and loaded the CD player to last 4 hours. The only thing we really splurged on was the caterer, but what the heck !!!

Use the money you save for a down payment on a house or a delayed honeymoon a few years down the road.

Good luck and congratulations.

As I too am planning a wedding, I feel your concerns on the budget aspects. Some things to remember though, your friends would probably like to enjoy your day with you - as opposed to running around trying to get things done. Having been involved in a number of do-it-yourself weddings, it creates a great deal of stress for everyone involved - including the bride & groom.

Some suggestions I think are helpful - order invitations/stationery from printers - not stationery/wedding stores - much cheaper. 100 save the date magnets at the printer - $22.49 - at the wedding store - $125.

Don't plan a May/June wedding.

Use a small "pretty" cake for pictures, then they roll it in the back and cut up the sheet cake. (sheet cake - @$.50 per person, wedding cake - generally starts at $3.50 per person)

Keep an eye out for store closings/clearance sales for things like thank you notes (they don't have to match your other decorations), attendant gifts, etc.

Just a few ways I'm planning to save a couple of dollars!

And one additional thing - the size of the wedding doesn't change the signficance of the marriage. Whether it's 200 people or 20 - what matters is that you're committed to each other.

I've seen divorces from 400 people 100K galas, to those who had just close friends and family.

In this case, size doesn't matter.

Liz -- CONGRATULATIONS! Married, huh? Wow. The last time I saw you, you were just an intern ... destined for great things, of course. :)

If you're looking for ways to beat the Wedding Industrial Complex, visit www.offbeatbride.com and read the book. Ariel and the brides she showcases are great inspiration for offbeat and DIY weddings. I got engaged this year myself, and I'm fighting the WIC as well. Offbeat Bride helps!

Also, read the book "One Perfect Day." It deconstructs the marketing and commerce around weddings. Awesome! It was written by a New Yorker staff writer, so as you can imagine, it's worth reading.

There was something on teevee the other day about this. Some things that stick to mind were new faux wedding cake tops. They match a sheet cake that gets decorated. You then have the place cut sheet cake for the guests, saving thousands on something people never remember anyway.

If you don't want to spent alot of money then plan the wedding yourself. I did a wedding for $2000.00 including the receptions. Depending on how many people - you can get your friends to do the invitation, programs. check out the web-site for inexpensive token gifts. Don't have the girls put a lot of money on the dresses, get them to purchase the dress that they feel comfortable in but in your color. Try to get someone to make your gown or try cosignment shops. Depending on the weather have an outdoor wedding, contact a buffett that cooks for the food all you need to do is get someone to serve. It all depends on the bride, if you are looking to spent a lot of money, don't do it. I used little card asking for donations instead of gifts. Just don't put it on the inviation. Do it as a business card with the invitation. People will give money when they are not sitting down in a formal sitting. As long as your guests are comfortable they will enjoy it. A backyard cook-out is great. People relaxing and you get plenty of cash. The day of the large wedding and rubber chicken is over. Invite those people that you are close too and not invite people just because you are getting married. Marriage should be shared by those close family, friends and people who loves you and your husband and not your mother and future mother-inlaw friends. enjoy your time and relax. Congrulation, I pray that you will have a happy and blessed marriage that Christ is the center of it.

Talk to your fiance about your values and figure out where that leaves you to cut corners.

Do you see the ceremony as a sacrament, a religious contract, a civil contract, or a required nuisance? Do you see the exchange of vows as an intimate act between the two of you, to be shared with only your closest friends and family, or a declaration to the community, to be witnessed by as many of your personal community as you can fit in?

Do you see the reception as an opportunity to celebrate with those closest to you, or as an excuse for a blow-out party? Or are the rituals related to the reception as important to a wedding as the ceremony is?

If you can figure out your values, you can figure out how to save money. For one couple, it may mean a low-key church wedding followed by a restaurant meal for 35 guests. For another, it may mean going to the courthouse with a witness, then having a kegger with all your pals.

One thing to avoid: the small wedding, followed by parties thrown by each family. The parties are where the costs add up. You'll be exhausted, and the party guests will feel like they didn't merit a wedding invitation. Instead, consider having the small wedding, then a first anniversary party for everyone you want. You'll save the costs associated with weddings, and no one will be wondering if you're just trying to get a gift.

Not so much about the money, but about getting what you pay for. I buy this for every friend/co-worker who tells me they are getting married:

http://www.amazon.com/Bridal-Bargains-8th-fantastic-realistic/dp/1889392227/ref=pd_bbs_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1219195548&sr=1-1

If you feel that you are willing to reciprocate the favors your friends do for you by helping with your wedding, that's fine. However, do you want to be remembered as the bride that had her bridesmaids up late every night the week before the wedding baking and decorating and wrapping 200 large (true, they were lovely) gourmet cookies as wedding favors? Or making your sister-in-law pick up the sewing slack two days before the wedding because you were too disorganized to finish the things that you had planned? Ask yourself if you're putting someone in a bad spot where they don't feel like they can say "no" to your request. No one is going to tell you to your face that you were a DIY bridezilla, so be careful about becoming one.

Phyllis, I think you hit upon the 'minimum-offense' part of the equation. Don't ask people to do more than you'd expect would be reasonable to do for them in return. --- lfk

Don't have favors at all (unless you really want them but they are definitely not necessary). Don't send a "Save the Date" card - send an e-mail and save postage. Have someone you love (who can also bake!) make the cutting cake for you and serve everyone else sheet cake from Costco. It's good and very cheap and no one really cares about the cake anyway! Also, try buying a bridesmaid's dress in white. You'll probably have to pay a "bride surcharge" to get it in white but I ended up spending $275 for a gorgeous dress by a high level designer that probably would have been far more if I'd bought a similar wedding dress.

My husband and I had a super-cheap wedding, because that was all we could afford. Looking back on it 19 years later, I wouldn't change a thing! You and your fiance will figure out what feels right for you, but here are some things that we did that might be of interest:

1. Ordered invitations via mail (modern equivalent=online). Got thank you cards at the same time. No save-the-dates - we just called people to let them know. Addressed them ourselves. Asked people to call to rsvp instead of enclosing reply cards.

2. Timed ceremony and reception so we wouldn't have to provide a meal. Ceremony at 1:30, reception from 2 to 5. We had some crudite and cheese platters delivered from an upscale grocery store, and hired a caterer to provide passed hors d'oeuvres and a couple of servers to pass food, replensih trays, and clean up. All of our menu choices were cheap: little spanikopitas instead of crabcakes, sausage-stuffed mushrooms instead of shrimp, prosciutto-wrapped melon instead of lamb chops. Because of the time of day, we provided lemonade, iced tea, and beer, with champagne for the toast. No full bar.

3. We had the reception at the home of a friend, and rented a tent and chairs/tables/linens. Yes, we had a lot of weather anxiety! But it worked out.

4. My mother made my dress. My back-up if she didn't want to do it was a white "bridesmaid" dress I picked out.

5. No attendents. We're Quaker, so that wasn't usual for our faith. Our brothers and sisters served as ushers and played music while guests entered.

6. No big honeymoon. We went to a nice B&B nearby. You can have a "honeymoon" for the first anniversary, when you can afford it!

7. No live music for the ceremony. We made mix tapes and set up a "boom box".

8. Got a couple of nice grocery store cakes, each decorated as "gifts" with icing "ribbons" and silver nonpareils. Could have various flavors, and they looked lovely grouped together.

9. No party favors. No personalized napkins. Got the cups, plates, napkins, flatware from a place like Party City.

10. No photographer. We got the cheesy disposable cameras, and a talented friend took some photos of us all dressed up at the meeting house the day before.

11. Got the flowers for the meeting house, my bouquet, corsages and buttonieres for our parents, and some arrangements for food tables from the owners of a local "pick your own" farm who made nice arrangments. Hope these ideas help!

Congratulations!

Decide on three splurges together with your husband. Mine were:

Photographer
Music
Open Bar

My parents gave us a set amount of money. If we went over the amount, we had to pay, so we skimped everywhere else. We did the reception at a restaurant, as suggested above--this saved so much money (no rentals, staff was included, etc).

Also I fell in love with my dress. I couldn't imagine paying the $4000 it retailed for, but bit the bullet; however, I asked for the sample. The store sold it to me for $495--the tailoring was $300 (which I would have had to do if I purchased new). We hired a friend to DJ (my husband chose every single song). The best part of our wedding was the Brazillian Samba Carnival band and dancers that introduced us and put on a show. That provided enough wow factor for our guests--and it wasn't that expensive.

We had custom invitations designed by a friend. My husband's uncle owns a printing factory. We had a family friend make the cake. My cousins decorated the venue. We enlisted EVERYONE'S help to pull the event off and it was perfect.

Have fun!

When my husband and I renewed our vows on our 20th, we pulled off a full wedding for under $1,000. Just remember that you are hosting a celebration for your family and friends, not looking to impress people who already love you!

We asked family and friends to omit gifts and bring food! Yup. Pot luck. We provided the cake from our favorite bakery, several trays of Middle Eastern food from our favorite restaurant, and a large tray of roast beef. Guests brought their specialties to share. Instead of running out of food, we had more leftovers than we could ever hope to use. So we donated to a local shelter.

You don't need a fancy hall, either. We had our ceremony in the autumn in the lovely yard at our congregation. Our daughter got married at Muddy Creek State Park on a deck overlooking the falls. Another friend got married on the waterfront in a pavilion at Rocky Point. Beautiful.

Instead of fancy florist flowers, we found a local high school with a vocational program that included Florist Training. They were thrilled to have the order so that their students could practise and we got the flowers at cost. And, by the way, yes, they were beautiful. We decorated the yard with straw bales, several large pots of mums and seasonal gourds.
Favors? How many weddings have you been to? How many favors do you still have? Of all the weddings I've attended, I couldn't tell you what the favors were at any of them. We put birdseed into little net bags so that guests had something to throw, the birds were happy, and no one had to take home another little plastic swan.

There are some great suggestions here, Liz. We just celebrated our 37th wedding anniversary, so I guess you could say we did something right. We had a small wedding which was held in a walled garden at my alma mater (they rented the space very inexpensively) and the reception was held right there as well. My dress was made by a local dressmaker. My one big regret is that we hired the husband of a friend to take the wedding photographs, and he did a horrible job. He left out many people who were important to us, and his photos consistently cut off the top of my husband's head. If I had it all to do over again, I would hire a good professional photographer!

Congratulations, and may you find great happiness together.

And congratulations to you on your marital milestone!

You bring up an important caveat: the risk encountered when enlisting either an inexperienced vendor or a non-professional ... or the potential faux pas of asking a friend or relative to work at your wedding instead of relaxing and enjoying it. --- lfk

I have to disagree with the notion that a large wedding leads to divorce. Really? Some weddings are large due to cultural traditions (ie. Greek, Polish, Indian) and do not indicate that the bride and groom are selfish people who want to splurge on a big event about themselves.

I have really close friends who are of the same heritage; one which expects a big wedding. In their culture, relatives save money from the time the kids are baptised and travel from all over this country and abroad just for the wedding. The couple would have preferred a small, intimate affair, but they understood what was expected by both families. Luckily, they were able to keep the wedding party small, which led to a very special and emotional rehearsal and dinner (tears during vows, heartfelt speeches of thanks to each person, etc...). This let them kick back and have a blast at the huge party the next day.

And what a huge party it was! I've been to more weddings than I care to admit and this was the first time almost everyone stayed the entire time. The couple added an additional hour to give them time to greet every guest and dance. By the last song, even the staff had found their way onto the dance floor...

What impressed me most was the details they included to make everything personal. Even relatives that had not seen them since infancy left knowing who they were as indivduals and as couples.

I think it's easy to mistake big weddings as a sign that a couple does not have their priorities in order. In this case though, it was a sign of what a priority family is to this couple. They didn't throw any fits about not have the small event they wanted. Instead, they knew they were getting married regardless of how they celebrated, so they made sure every one had the best time.

I love sewing and making clothes and dresses, and I also run a small tailoring business.I find inspiration from fashion televion programs and magazines. Children dresses also attracts new ideas for me. I feel every dress has its own beauty and uniqueness which cannot be replicated. I apply this thought when I design my own clothes.

I'm having a dilema myself due to money constraints I'm not sure what I can and can't have for our special day. I hope yours goes well