1. Keep things in perspective. Susan WNAJ raises an excellent point --- couples don't get married so they can have a big party; they have a big party because they're getting married. It's those years ahead that are the most important, and to me, accumulating consumer debt right at the start does not seem like an auspicious beginning.

2. Research. Remember, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, including spend a lot of money. As Shiela said, "The day of the large wedding and rubber chicken is over."

Find out why these traditions of conspicuous consumption developed in One Perfect Day: the selling of the American Wedding and realize you don't have to obey them, sez my former editor Lea.

And multiple recent brides (here in the newsroom, and in Amazon reviews) concurred with Frequent Little Italy Restaurant Visitor, who recommended reading Bridal Bargains: Secrets to Throwing a Fantastic Wedding on a Realistic Budget. (I got both books yesterday from the library.)

3. Set your priorities. MMK called them values, and GiGiG called them splurges, but essentially these are the non-negotiable items that make the event for you. Personally, I anticipate focusing less on the ephemeral stuff like flowers, wedding clothes and decor and more on the memory makers, such as photography.

Weather blogger Frank Roylance emphasized how important the photos can be, because he was so busy at his daughter's wedding he saw stuff in the images he didn't realize was happening while he was there!

4. Go off-season and off the beaten path. It's all about supply and demand. Get married some other time besides May through October, and you'll be in a better position to bargain with vendors --- and Lord knows, you'll avoid hurricanes. If possible, try a non-traditional day, like Friday or Sunday, and a non-traditional time of day, such as the afternoon, for your reception.

The same holds true for locations for your event. Several readers, such as Bob and RD, enjoyed lovely ceremonies and receptions at public parks, beaches or private homes. I also want to investigate AlisaBS's advice about holding a party in a restaurant --- she recommends that to avoid renting tables, chairs, silverware and other items separately. I wonder --- can you get a better deal with one-stop shopping?

5. DIY, powered by technology. Thanks to desktop publishing and the magic of the Intertubes, couples or their designees can design much of the stationary, tsotchkes, centerpieces and other wedding detritus themselves, as springbride found out. Realize you'll have to do more heavy lifting than you would had you delegated this work, and give yourself a realistic amount of time to get things done --- or run the risk of making enemies while making 200 gorgeous gourmet cookies, as Phyllis warns. Give everyone (your friends, yourself) time to enjoy the day.

Also, many couples are choosing MP3 players and playlists instead of professional DJs. And you can even order your own wedding photo albums and prints online, as labun did.

6. Don't call it a wedding. Vendors often charge a premium if they know you're getting hitched. You could buy a bridesmaid dress in white for far less than you would pay for a wedding dress, Maryann and Laura say. The same also applies to cakes.

7. Check out alternatives to retail. Why buy new, particularly for one-time-use items such as flower girl baskets, ring bearer pillows or other items? People regularly list wedding dresses, veils and other bridal items on Craigslist and eBay --- sometimes NWT (new with tags) and others lightly worn. Of course, when it comes to wedding apparel, you're limited by the stock available, but it's worth a look.

If you fall in love with a bridal shop creation, ask if you can buy the sample, GiGiG said.

For any brides out there who are jealous of tuxedo rental, never fear. You too can rent a wedding dress or even borrow one from non-profits such as St. Anthony's Bridal in Bethesda. The organization stocks items, including attire for grooms, that can be borrowed for free if you're having a wedding at a church. You just have to have everything cleaned and returned by the Saturday after your event (so someone else can use it).

8. Barter and bargain. This is a great time to call in the favors --- don't be shy. Friends or relatives might have a connection with a business (a membership at a museum, an employee discount at a hotel) or a personal skill like baking or DJing or photography they can contribute. 

Folks might contribute as their gift to you or in exchange for similar assistance for their own rite of passage. With this one, I'd go back to Phyllis' advice --- don't ask for a favor you wouldn't joyfully offer in return.

You could also consider hiring students or those just establishing their businesses, who want to build up their portfolios of professional experience. RD turned to a floral design program at a local high school, which only charged her cost for the blooms. 

9. Ask about extra fees BEFORE you sign any contracts. Fellow scribe Kelly Brewington warned about fees for samples of everything, including fabric, invitations and cake. Not every business charges for these things, however. Also, check for unexpected fees such as a caterer's 'travel' fee for an off-site wedding, a cake-cutting fee or meals for people you hire such as photographers or DJs. Don't pay $25 for a children's meal of chicken tenders and french fries! Some salons and stylists charge for wedding hair or makeup trials --- or just styling for weddings in general.

If your vendor won't budge, use them as leverage for negotiating. Ask for something additional instead --- perhaps the DJ can stay an extra half hour, or upgraded champagne for the toasts. You never know until you ask.